Thank you, Sassy…I know I’m on edge when small things that have no apparent reason to make me emotional bring me to the verge of tears. I’ve been like this for some time.
Yesterday I had to excuse myself from an activity with friends and family to take a small break. I can’t keep going like this or I will end up having a complete meltdown.
I’m exhausted and I’m working from home today. Lots to do, but a bit quieter than going to the office.
I’m trying to carve out some space, even if small.
Hang in there! I changed quite a bit when I got sober, and for the better. Had to learn how to set boundaries with people/places/things as I continued to grow in recovery. You definitely are not alone.
I understand that meltdown feeling well. I am glad you advocated for yourself and took some time away. As LeeHawk mentions, setting boundaries is something many of us (definitely me!!) begin to learn in sobriety and we all deserve that space of care for our selves.
Baby steps do work and add up. You are worthy and cared for.
I went out by myself to a party where I didn’t know anyone well last weekend. I went because I didn’t want to sit alone at home, and because I’ve been distancing myself from friends with everything that is going on with my personal life. I’ve not made the time to be with friends in a while and as a result, there are a lot of new people around that I just don’t know at all.
Arrived at the party, and really felt out of place. Everyone was getting their drinks - I went on the line with someone I barely know, asked for a diet coke but they didn’t have any. The person next to me asked if I didn’t drink. I said I just wanted a soda, really. But water was fine.
Later on, I was introduced to a new lady who commented on the fact that someone had told her that I was quite the athlete (am I…? Not really, but I do join races whenever I can). She saw I had a bottle of water and said: “You don’t drink, do you?”
And ladies and gentlemen, for the first time I smiled said: “No, I don’t”
And she said: “That’s amazing. Best thing you can ever do for your health. It shows”
Wow!
A first time “I don’t drink” statement and a compliment in one go!
My heart is full at the moment.
Could never have done it without you guys’ support…I’m so happy to be where I am right now. Any challenges that come my way I know I can put my best foot forward trying to work it out, without any additives
Yay!! Congratulations! I’m glad you’re over that hurdle and feel fabulous about it! You’ll only get healthier and even more fit!
And very comfortable being the non drinker in the bunch.
The interesting thing is that with everyone who knew me as a drinker, talking about the fact that now I don’t drink is always a bit strange.
I feel like I need to explain “I don’t drink anymore because…” and the problem is, I don’t think I want to open up to anyone about why. It’s very, very personal. So choosing words, trying to keep it short, and noticing the air of surprise when I say I’m not drinking is not the most comfortable thing.
I’m lucky that I’m at a point in life when I’m constantly meeting new people, and my family is making new connections. Heck, one of the reasons for my stress is that we may move to another country altogether!
For anyone I meet now, I realize it’s the easiest thing in the world to say I don’t drink. No need for justifications. It’s just as simple as it would be to say “I’m a vegetarian” (which I’m not ). Same consequences. I won’t have everything everyone else is having, but it doesn’t mean I cannot enjoy my time like everyone else:blush:
Thanks for starting this thread and sharing your story.
Like you were… I’m about to go on my first business trip since my sober life started (8 days ago, trip is next week, and another the following week). Im lucky, I travel a LOT and I don’t pick up the tab on business so if you’re a drinker that’s a nice position to be in. If you’re suddenly not… not so much. So many opportunities to drink- the business lounge, the plane, the drinks party, the lunch events, at the beach with colleagues… on my own after the bar with colleagues (so many times, so many awful stories)! Argh.
The thing that scares me most is that I am now not used to socialising sober… it’s been so long.
I’ll read this thread again when things get tough and picked up some good advice for drink avoidance. That gym kit is going in the luggage.
Makes me really happy to know that what I posted may help you I know how hard it is to get used to socializing in a completely different way. Well, you can see from the above posts that my attempts had varying degrees of success.
Business trips really are tough - alcohol is everywhere and everyone uses any excuse to indulge. Having this group helped me tremendously - and if you want us to keep you company, just give a shout
The sports really helped me navigate it all so far. It gave me a solid excuse for not staying up late and not drinking. Plus, being at the gym early in the morning does make me feel good every single time.
Another trip, one year later, to see my sister and her family. I was closing in on a month sober last time. Now it’s been over a year.
I’m having to activelly think “I’m not a drinker anymore” because not only did I make a habit of drinking when visiting her for the past 13 years (except for the last 3-day visit last year), but also she finds it awkward that I’m not partaking. I actually feel quite tempted when she opens a bottle and shares with her husband - I used to be part of that early evening ritual. Not anymore. It feels very strange.
I’m putting my sober head on a pillow again tonight and grateful for it. It should be easier by now, shouldn’t it? I think I still have quite a ways to go to not be triggered by some situations.
Good job on staying sober!! Idk, I think if you only see her once a year, then it is literally only the 2nd time you have been in that situation as a non drinker. So no, in my mind, I think it is normal to feel uncomfortable. If you socialized with them weekly or monthly, I think you would get used to it…but it seems like a lot to expect that of yourself right now.
And yes, I imagine it would be awkward for her as well. Can you all talk about it? Or would you rather not? No right or wrong there.
It can take time to navigate and build the new relationship and it can feel weird until you all get comfortable with it. That is all okay. Just be careful to nurture your self and sobriety if feeling iffy or tempted…take a walk, beg off and go read or to bed, come on here. You are doing great.
What Sassy said. Only your second time in this particular situation. Not nice but only logical that you’re triggered.
You’re sober. And you’re here for help. You win. Hugs.
Thank you, Sassy…and you’re right. I haven’t talked about it. I don’t know if I can find the words, I haven’t talked to anybody really. I just…stopped drinking.
I joined her on a crossfit class (never done it before) and it was very nice. Promised to go for a run with my niece in the early morning. Trying to create meaningful experiences that do not involve alcohol.
Makes sense, when I think about it that way. And to be honest, last time it was such a quick trip and I was out and about a lot.
My husband was here with me at that time too, and he kind of buffers me from any pressure because I’ll just say I’m not having any, thank you, but he’d love a glass. He can stop at just one glass or two and we joke about the whole thing and move on.
Without him (the only person who really knows why I’m not drinking), it’s not as easy.
Sigh. I’ll manage. I just really want to rebuild what my sister and I do together sans alcohol.
Crossfit and a run sound like great memory making activities.
It can take a little time to build new traditions and such. Maybe have some fun fizzy water for yourself or ginger beer (high sugar, but no beer in it and super tasty) for wine time. See if they want to take a walk after dinner. Or play a board game, puzzle or some such. Idk just ideas.
That’s a good suggestion for the wine replacement…I think it if I have something that I enjoy in a wine glass (it’s what I do at home) it helps. My teacup was looking very out of place in the whole ambiance
The run with my niece was absolutely wonderful. I actually noticed that she asked if she could have a sip of wine last night (she is only 11) which my sister said no, only when she is 16. I chatted about lots of things when we jogged and asked her why she wanted to try wine. She said she didn’t know, just seems to be what grown ups do. So I mentioned to her that she shouldn’t hurry this, and as a matter of fact I had not had wine in over a year. She was surprised, and I told her very casually that I feel like I have much more energy when I don’t. And we talked about other things. No big deal.
I feel good that she knows now that her aunt, someone she looks up to (and she more and more is following things I did or do) doesn’t drink
Ok, so the surprise if the day was that my sister and her husband skipped the wine tonight and we had an absolute blast singing karaoke with the kids after dinner - loads of laughter, one of my best nights ever visiting her!
I am glad you advocated for yourself and took some time away. As LeeHawk mentions, setting boundaries is something many of us (definitely me!!) begin to learn in sobriety and we all deserve that space of care for our selves.
). Same consequences. I won’t have everything everyone else is having, but it doesn’t mean I cannot enjoy my time like everyone else:blush: