Well, I’m back. Tried to convince myself that I could control myself when I’m drinking. Haha what a joke. But last night, I went to far. Again. I’m going to end up losing my family over this addiction. I just want to stop. I want to be the mom and wife my family deserves. My depression is at an all time high now. I feel like a failure. They deserve to have me at my best but all I’ve been giving them is my worst.
You deserve yourself at your best too. The good news is, that many people on here have been right where you are and can relate. The even better news, is that a lot of them have managed to stay sober, improve themselves, and their lives. You probably already know this, but take a look around and see what the folks with long term sobriety have done, and try to do that. I know there’s people on here with success using a variety of methods. See what works for you and try to be open minded.
Welcome back and I look forward to seeing your progress!
Instead of “failing” you’re “learning”, I’ve had to learn plenty of lessons. Try not to beat yourself down because that’s where the addiction wants to keep you. One day at a time you’ll get stronger, happier, healthier.
So you have learnt that you can’t drink like a normal person.
You say you want to be the best mom and wife you can be.
So do it!
It’s in your hands, but you have to dig deeper than you think. If you can think it you can do it!
Which is why there are programs out there to help you.
Only you can do it.
Here’s something to read. See if you can relate
Samantha, I’m really glad you’re back. I truly hope you can make it work this time.
You and your family deserve a better life! Stick around…
Depression will ease when clean.
Good luck, and plan your sobriety!
Maybe add on some extra help like online meetings? And what I do when my inner voice tells me I can have just one? I come here to read and write. When I read the stories of others it reminds me of my own drinking days and then I know again why I shouldn’t pick up that first drink (of many).
I’m on TS much, that helps me to keep focus on my sober days.
Hang in there!!
Decide to be better, and then be better. Sober is better. Say “no” to the drink that matters…the first drink. When you do, you win. Win you don’t you lose, which may include losing your family.
Sam first of all your not alone. Second of all your not at fault. This is a disease. There is a solution and it’s not your fault that you haven’t found it. The solution for me was in the Big Book of AA and the 12 steps. I posted a thread " what makes me an alcoholic" check it out. In the big book you’ll find that from " the doctor’s opinion " to page 23 it talks about the allergy ( phenomenon of craving ) then from page 23 to 43 it talks about the obsession. Then it presents a solution. There are many people here available to help. The obsession can be removed. It has been for me through the 12 steps. Knowledge alone can not fix this. Self will can not fix this. Once I understood the disease I had to accept 3 pertinent ideas:
A.) I was alcoholic and could not manage my own life.
B.) That probably no human power could have relieved my alcoholism.
And C.) That God could and would if He were sought.
Once I was convinced of these 3 ideas. I got into action. My life is amazing today! The thought of a drink rarely crosses my mind. When it does it’s repulsive at best.
That’s my experience.
I would like to add that you’ll see chapter 2 is " there is a solution " that chapter is presenting the solution and proclaiming it’s legitimacy. Showing its tangible and people who have used it recovered. Chapter 5" How it works "will begin to present the solution to you…
Hope this helps
Your reaching out for a reason ,you know what you want and need for your well-being and happiness and inturn your families,put it all into practice and fight with every part of yourself to get to bed clean and sober each day gives life new meaning and inturn gives way for hope HAVE FAITH HE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF.XX:pray:
Failure is when you stop standing back up after you fall. As long as you continue to put forth effort into getting being and staying sober your NOT failing.