New kid on the block

Ok. So I guess I should say a little something; make my presence known so maybe that will give me some accountability. I’ve lurked in the background a few days… reading some threads and finding some of them useful, and some stories very relatable. So my story is, I love to drink. Hard liquor. I’d consider myself pretty “high functioning” (if that’s a thing). I typically drink weekends (EVERY weekend), and many drinks. I don’t get fall down drunk, but it’s more than I need to drink. I forget things, small memory gaps. I’m a mum, a wife, a professional with a career. I do well at those three things, most of the times. I’m not a fall down drunk, but I know it has a grip on me. Especially with my dad being an alcoholic (but a great guy). I figure I drink to ease my anxiety (no formal diagnosis but I definitely have anxiety). Booze makes me relax, more confident, more pretty (I’m super self conscious, although I don’t know why, I’ve been since I was four). Im sarcastic, witty, I’m sensitive, empathetic, emotional (and I just literally had to close my office door cuz here come the tears). It’s like I have such intense emotions all the time, booze calms me. I can feel my heart beat slow down (thus why it’s a depressant). I’m sure this is said a lot… but I WANT to be a normal drinker. I know the answer to that. My main reason for wanting to quit is my health. I get discomfort in my stomach/RUQ I fear is liver. A few years ago I had ultrasounds and all was fine, but it continues. Off & on. I quit for a month for my first “dry january” (yay me, I did it). And I think my discomfort was less. All I think is what if I get cirrhosis and I’m not here for my preschooler? I watched my mum die, every second at her bedside from pancreatic cancer with mets to liver (she hated alcohol). Maybe it’s not my liver. But booze can be doing no good either way for my health. It makes my anxiety worse in long run. And I sleep like crap when I drink. I KNOW this. After a booze-filled family camping weekend this past weekend (hubby likes his beer), I decided my body needs a break. AND it’s the anniversary of my mother’s death this weekend, 5 years, so I need to be booze free this weekend. So it’s 3 days no booze. Then I thought, maybe I’ll do the next week too. Just until our camping trip again next month… who camps without booze? (MANY people I know, but a foreign concept to me, minus when I was preggers, which I abstained for 9+months, and while nursing). Hubby has brought it up in the past; doesn’t want me to quit just reduce “the volume”. I know him drinking beer every night (but not high volume) is a challenge. So I’ll see where this journey brings me. I just ordered “This Naked Mind” as I skimmed a few posts that recommend. Thanks for listening - I could go on but this is a novel already lol.

25 Likes

Hell yes. Welcome. Buckle up for the ride of your life. :hugs:

1 Like

Hi. I’m new as well. I have been so encouraged to read others stories and know I am not the only one. Your story is relatable. I’m also a mom and wife, but stay at home. I was blaming my excessive dring on being at home all day with kids, need to relax and feel a bit stress relief. Postpartum and isolation. Reading here is helpful in understanding my excuses are just that. I’m only on day two. Wish us both strength. Congrats on reaching out. Also, where I live drinking is extremely normalized which sounds like may be your case also. I have lived in other areas where you couldn’t find a liqour store for 30 min drive. Where I am now, east coast US, there one every two blocks.

7 Likes

welcome to the block! we’re happy you and are here and do hope you share more anytime the feeling arises :heart:

1 Like

Welcome! I’m glad you’re here :grin::+1:

2 Likes

Welcome here,
I was a high functional alcoholic, quit drinking before I wasn’t high functional anymore.
And to be honest? If I’m looking how I 'm function now after 9 months sober, I don’t think I was high function at all in those drinking days.
So here I am: a sober high function alcoholic! Love it!!
I wish you the same! :heart:

9 Likes

Welcome to TA @SaltyChick! :tada: You’re in good company as a LOT of us share your same story. Well, not the pregnant part, but all the rest!

3 Likes

Welcome to the forum best of luck on your sober journey :slight_smile:

1 Like

Welcome @SaltyChick. Love the anchor, any particular reason? Ex navy?
Thanks for sharing your story.
Hope you hang around, and remember that it is you you have to look after and worry about.
:grinning:

1 Like

Hi @SaltyChick. I think you’ll find out many of us on here are professionals with families. Like you, my health was a primary concern back when I decided to get help two years ago. My liver enzymes were off the charts, blood pressure was skyrocketing, and the weight kept creeping up. My doc put me on some meds and it’s been a bumpy ride, but managed to get to day 270 ( then relapsed). Tomorrow I am on Day 30 sober again. I know it’s an emotional rollercoaster. The alcohol makes you depressed and you get a low self esteem. I wish I could tell you that reducing your intake would be beneficial( it would), but if you are a true alcoholic, the best thing to do at this point would be to just STOP. You will feel so much better as a person, wife, mum, and professional. I wish you the best. Keep us posted💗

2 Likes

Hail and well met! Thanks for sharing your story. I could relate to it in so many ways, and I shared much of your thinking during the last couple of years of my drinking career. I was a loving husband and father, professional, active in my community and church…and I drank regularly. More a fall asleep drunk than a fall down drunk. I did short quits, week to a couple months just to prove I didn’t have a problem. I actually decided to quit for a long time. Then my Ma died. I drank hard for 11 months, and cracks in my functioning life began to form.

And one day I decided to be better, and set about getting better. I realized that in order to be better, I had to be sober, and I embraced “forever”.

And every day since I keep getting better at getting better. Better today than I was yesterday, and tomorrow better still.

7 Likes

Hey, welcome! Glad you’re here :sparkles:

2 Likes

I could have wrote your story it is so similar to mine. I am back on day three as well. Thank you for sharing

1 Like

Welcome to the forum! You’ll find lots of advice and tips here to help you get dry and then stay sober. There are newbie threads, just use the search bar to find them.

At one time, I identified as a ‘high functioning alcoholic’. I have a graduate degree, always worked professional jobs on a career path, I even spent almost 10 years doing academic research on drug and alcohol addiction and treatment! Then I heard this: “Do you know what we call a high functioning alcoholic? A drunk.” I didn’t like that too well, but did come to accept the truth of it for myself.

Blessings on your house :pray:, good luck on your journey.

3 Likes

Glad you’re with us. Pull up a chair and stay awhile.

1 Like

Very reliable @SaltyChick, welcome! I also identified as a ‘highly functioning alcoholic’ feeling as though because I had it together, better than others my drinking wasn’t a problem. The truth is, it just hasn’t all fallen apart YET. Give sobriety a chance, see how your thoughts and emotions change 30 days, 60 days, 90 days from now, you might have a whole new perspective.

I think you may have already found one underlying cause of why you drink, something to work on once the fog clears from your brain.
I’m in kinda the same boat though, Hubby drinks a few nightly (but nowhere near as bad as me) and I have my sparkling water and candies. Don’t worry about the ‘novel’ we’re here to listen.

3 Likes

Welcome! I used to think of myself as ‘high functioning’ too but now I understand I was just barely functioning. I can do so much better. Sobriety has opened not only my eyes but also my mind and soul. The journey is not easy and it’s not all glorious but I don’t want to go back where I was. I’ve grown up.
I wish you a smooth ride. :blossom:

4 Likes

I hear you!! I was considered ‘high functioning’ as well…getting my degrees, raising my daughter, owning and renovating my houses, running my own business, life, yada yada…I was a physical, emotional and spiritual mess. Sure thing some of us can ‘function’ and do life while in the throes of our addictions…it wasn’t until I got solidly sober before I realized how limited and sad that life was. How all that anxiety …social and otherwise…was not being alleviated by alcohol, but that the alcohol was FUELING my anxiety. I was, in fact, neither funnier, nor more attractive as a drunk person. And I was never able to be fully present and engaged or even tempered with my family during my drinking decades. I regret that, a lot.

So…high functioning or not…we all have lots of work to do learning to accept and honor those parts of ourselves we tried to hide, mute, avoid with our addiction. Learning to love myself …as I am …right now…thru the process of recovery…#sobergoals.

Welcome @SaltyChick…hope you are having a great sober day.

4 Likes

Thanks! Not navy (although I’m an army brat). Anchor to represent the ocean - my home & heart… East Coast girls are hip, don’t ya know lol

1 Like

Thanks for your words. Booze is everywhere here too. It’s the norm, the culture. No matter what age. Especially mom culture. And miming is HARD. (I find especially since I’m a “old mum”) lol. The end of a hard day, and a challenging little one with many meltdowns, makes me crave a drink. I wish us both strength!