Just seems to get worse all the time, promises to myself mean nothing, I can’t control my behaviour whatsoever now to the point where it seems hopeless. Need a new approach. I become evil and twisted when I’m not sober now, it’s getting dark. It’s not the real me, but seems like it’s more powerful than the real me
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While you still have breath in you it is not hopeless. 
I had a look over your past posts, you tried a few smart meetings before, maybe go back to those? Now you are in a different place in life, maybe they will hit different and stick this time.
I do understand being a totally different person when drunk. It is so disappointing and scary and you feel very guilty. You are still a good person. That’s why you are trying to get better.
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Hi @Mark_88 we can’t control our behaviour nor can we make promises. Alcohol and drugs are cunning and baffling addictions we don’t fight with them .I would definitely advise going back to a meeting .I’m assuming your not chronic atm so Start by getting up and get on with your day don’t think about promising anything .when the cravings come force yourself to do something else and not use ,whatever that thing is do it .H.A.L.T are you hungry angry lonely or tired if so address anyone of these things immediately . Drink plenty of water too . Cravings pass , take one day or one hour at a time Sending love and hugs to you 
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Dont let the Dark side win try a meeting feel the force wish you well
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Have you read any books about sobriety?
Reading really helped me to understand the prices and what was happening with my addiction. Knowledge will help you
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Hi guys, thanks for all the replies, doing well so far. 9 days in, been hammering podcasts and quit lit, (sober diaries, this naked mind etc…) doing online smart meetings this week as I can’t get to in person ones because of my work schedule, but I’ve realised that if I make it through this time, 1st Jan 2025 will be my 100 day mark, I’m taking that as a sign and a chance to start my life fresh and hit the ground running in the new year, in a positive mindset now anyway and doing everything I can to build on it. 
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@Mark_88 Keep up the meetings 
congratulations on your 9 days .someone wise on here said “one day at a time padowan “ it’s something to do with Star Wars I think . And keep it in the day . Your enthusiasm is infectious tho I wish you well my friend
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Are you keeping some notes on how you felt/feel? I found that useful. I used the notes to remind myself of the dark place you can wind up in if you slip.
Visualize jan 1st and how good a sober Xmas period will feel. I’ve had a couple of sober Xmas and I can tell you that although at times there is a lot of challenge the reward of going to bed sober & waking up fresh during that time is another level of peacefulness and satisfaction.
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Hi, sorry for the late reply, still going strong on day 23, I’ve been journaling and I did write a list of negative feelings that I would typically feel on a come down, a list of pros of being sober and cons of drinking, and I’ve been looking into self awareness and being able to sit with my own thoughts etc… there’s a lot to get my head round but I feel like I’m at a crossroads now with the mental side of it that I’ve never reached before, even when I’ve been sober for much longer periods, I feel like I’m finally laying the groundwork for this to be the time where I’m successful in the long run 
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Yay, that’s the spirit!
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