I can relate. I have a lot of 12 step history, and I’ve gotten so much from it. I’ve also gotten a lot from Celebrate Recovery and Reformers Unanimous. But looking back, I must be honest, the programs were still a bit of a mismatch for me.
I really feel that I’m finally on the right path for me this time. But what works for me will not work for everyone. And there is no cookie cutter recovery program that is going to work for everyone. My thoughts are if trying harder doesn’t work, then try different.
There is always SMART, Dharma Recovery, This Naked Mind, and many other options to choose from. Keep searching to uncover what works best for you.
Have you tried any of the other fellowships?
NA, CA
Alcohol is a drug, all addicts are welcome at all meetings. You might find the vibe a little different.
I attend them all, I love all the different vibes and I get something different from all the different fellowships. There’s nothing saying you have to only go to one fellowship… at least not in my recovery program there isn’t.
It’s always me. I get bored, or even angry at the other people. I want to use and still have no consequences. It’s totally on me. But the sober time is always good.
I appreciate everything all the groups have done for me. I feel safe there. I’ve let this go way to far this time. I want to call someone directly today.
That’s an honest assessment It’s true of all of us: in addiction we are selfish, self-centred, trying to live life without being responsible for anything (health, time, relationships, normal human responsibilities).
We are running away. Addiction is escape. At some point all of us internalized the idea we didn’t deserve or weren’t capable of being present and human in our lives. So we turned to addiction to numb out and escape our sense of inadequacy and worthlessness; our fear. And gradually the running and numbing became so familiar we wore it every day, like an old jacket.
I think you know what you need to do. As noted above, there are many legitimate options for recovery groups. You need to choose a program and work it fully, humbly, and persistently - even, especially, when the devil on your shoulder says it’s boring. (Lots of things are boring. Ploughing fields is boring. But we need food to live. Working through the boring parts is part of being human. You’re human.)
Take care and remember: you’re a good person who is capable and responsible, and deserves to do the work and reap the rewards of a full, sober life.
Thanks for your prompt reply. I am trying to plug in here, and get involved here. I am having a hard time believing anyone has not given up. I aways follow your post. I have been non-stop sober for 30 months, since losing my brother. There’s no excuse. I know I’m killing me. Please guys, support…
Do you think you might be avoiding fellowships because, as you said before,
Are you running from this ongoing shame? Is your avoidance of meetings not really about the program, but actually about you, feeling unworthy or incapable? And are you spiralling in that because you are stuck in that shame spiral?
Thanks,
I went walking. It helps. I’m not feeling as hopeless. I may go to a meeting tonight. I don’t think I’m a newcomer, but clearly I have missed something.
Thanks! Got down to business early today and watched (listened to) a speaker meeting on youtube. I read about having a morning Meditation from some people on here. I’ve never done that. Never got drunk and sick when I was in rehab all those times and really getting to structure. I used to go into 6 month rehabs to get off the streets and I remeber enjoying them because everything was so structured and not difficult like my drinking days are. And I cleaned the house, literally. I called all those appointments I usually miss. Damage control, but its remarkable what one can do when I get off the couch. I accept difficult because it’s managable. You guys are structured. I dont work, and free time is not my friend. Niether are my old frriends. But God is. I ran with God all day. Have a nice evening.
I’ll be honest, I’m tapering . I cant go to detox and cold turkey kilss me. 3 beers. GHot rid of almost all other stuff. Goal: AF by Wed. I sometimes wish I could go to detox, but I would lose housing probably. Excuses, but it’s complicated. I really want this. Today bwas so much better. I really am pursuing the spiritual aspects; it makes all the difference.
Hoping you find what you need Stay focused and keep reaching out; sobriety is all about learning to ride the waves of life sober. Reach out for supports, medical and recovery-related; be prepared to push yourself into places that are unfamiliar to you and maybe a bit scary. It is worth it
It’s true of all of us: in addiction we are selfish, self-centred, trying to live life without being responsible for anything (health, time, relationships, normal human responsibilities).
