Am sad now. Real sad. Feeling lonely and worthless. And weak. I’m getting really depressed. Not really like sad, but like no energy. It stinks. Ugghhh. Also it’s one week to the 10 month anniversary of when my friend died. Also I just realised yesterday that my aunt’s dead. She died like 4 years ago and it didn’t hit me till just yesterday that I’m never gonna see her again ever. Ok. Thanks for listening.
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I’ve been getting some flashbacks recently. Not often, but yeah. And then I’ve been having a lot of just like intrusive memories. Like I don’t feel like I’m there, but I’m like seeing it and I can’t make it stop. It’s been a hard month or so.
Oh no, big hugs.
What happened to your friend? Don’t worry if you don’t want to talk about it. Sometimes it helps but if it doesn’t that’s cool. Grief is a funny old thing, it can creep up on you like that. From my experience it never really goes away but you do learn to live with it. Be sure to make a conscious effort to keep hold of the positive memories you have too. That helps me.
Just rest and recharge as much as you can today 
️
Have you talked to your doctor about your extreme mood swings before your period? I was like this for YEARS (15-22). I didn’t know it actually wasnt normal for it to be so severe, until I mentioned it to my doctor after I had my second kid. Turns out I have PMDD (premenstrual euphoric disorder), and trying different types of birth control until I found one that levelled me out is all I needed. It was a HUGE life changer. For me and everyone around me. Birth control isn’t just to prevent pregnancies. Just something to think about and maybe bring up to your doctor. It gave me horrible anxiety, like if I went to my GP about it I would have been given antianxiety medication (Lexapro is also prescribed for PMDD for women who don’t handle the hormones in birth control).
Also, if you don’t have a gynecologist, you should try to make an appt with one. They know better than family practice doctors because it’s their specialty, and will probably listen better to you about your period concerns.
He killed himself almost ten months ago. We weren’t close at all, but I saw him when I was in a partial program and then a few weeks later he killed himself. It’s just hard and awful and I didn’t know it had been that long cause at the time it felt so awful and horrible, like I’d never be ok again. It’s just been hard recently, with all that and school. And recharging isn’t really an option cause of school and homework and all that. But I try.
Im on antidepressants, but nothing for that specifically, but I guess the antidepressants should help with that some, but not really. They aren’t crazy extreme, they’re just kinda me feeling bad about myself and me feeling a bit more down and I lash out sometimes. I might bring it up. I’ll see if it’s still going on. Thanks😊
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Ew. No thanks lol. My doctors actually really cool to talk to about that stuff if I want. Like I’ve only recently switched to hear and I’m already comfortable with her. She’s great. If I was gonna tell anyone, it’d probably be her or my psychiatrist, but he’s a dude, so eh… idk.
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Lexapro is antianxiety not an antidepressant, but is specifically listed to control PMDD. I’m not saying you have PMDD or that you should ask for Lexapro. I’m saying it might be a good idea to bring up your slightly more aggressive PMS. And your regular doctor is totally fine. Also, don’t ew at gynecologist! They know our bodies the best hun. They are specifically for women. You’ve got the lady bits, so eventually you’ll need one. But if you’re not sexually active yet, it isn’t necessary. Plus, your doc might do that stuff anyway. Some do and some don’t. I’m guessing your parents are very open, huh?
Yeah. I’ll see if it’s still happening. I was vaguely active but not anymore. And I’m not cool with someone seeing that stuff. So I’mma avoid it for as long as possible. And I don’t foresee being active in the future at all. So idk.
And yeah, my parents are fairly open.
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Sorry if I’m asking stuff too personal. Im a mom and cant help myself! Lol! Please just let me know if that happens 
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That’s ok lol. Honestly, talking about it typing is good for me cause it brings me one step closer to being able to talk out loud lol. If what happens?
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If I overstep and ask questions too personal than you want to discuss.
Oh I’ll let you know😆
It’s also cause I’m mad lonely en and have like no friends.
I don’t wanna go to bed. I’m scared I’m gonna have a dream again and I haven’t had them in a while, but I had one the other day that was similar. But a different guy and idk. Slightly different.
I’m also having a lot of trouble with eating. I always either eat way too much or next to none.
That does sound awful. How sad.
Are you using your breathing app? That’s a good way to rest and slow your body down. And your mind!
When is your next therapy session? It sounds like you’ve got a lot going on at the moment. I know you worry about what you share with them but please try and use them for help, it’s what they’re paid to do!
What have you got planned for the weekend?
Yeah. I’ve been trying.
I had group today. I have it again next week. My next individual isn’t for two weeks. I tried to talk today, but the other girl is so like loud and I didn’t get a chance.
I have no idea. I have a race on Sunday, but that’s it. Hopefully I’ll see my friend.
Whatever. Doesn’t matter. I’m fine. It doesn’t matter.
How you’re feeling absolutely does matter!
Is the race with the same group of people that you mentioned before who are really awesome? Hopefully Saturday will be a chance to get some schoolwork done and then chill!
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