Hello, I am an alcoholic. I have been drinking for the past 6 years HEAVILY. Sun up to sun down. In April, the 14th to be exact. At exactly 12:01am. I started vomiting blood. I had my wife call and ambulance. From there, I remember nothing for the next 10 days. I was in a coma. When I awoke, my wife filled me in on everything that happened. God bless her, she wrote down EVERYTHING. Every small detail in a notebook, example, “your friend (name) came to visit” “today the doctors changed you” “you wiggled a toe today”. So I mean every small detail, she didn’t leave my side for even one minute. My aunt had to force her to go out to get air even for one second. It was literal hell. Anyways, my esophagus was bleeding, my liver was failing, I was swollen (this I already knew) I had a bowel obstruction my liver grew so large it popped hole in my right lung. All this from drinking. They didn’t think I was going to pull through. I knew I was sick, but I went to work everyday, I didn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t want anyone to worry. I gave it up, up until recently… sadly I fell off. I have been drinking again for the last month. I put it down 2 days ago. It has been so rough, but I keep telling myself… I’ll die if I don’t. I can’t do that to my family. My kids, my wife, my mother. I recently lost my father in February as well, so that contributed to more drinking. I looked at it as a motivation as well. Watching my whole family sad with my father’s passing. I didn’t want them to go through that with me…. I need to do this. I have to do this. I cannot give up.
Welcome to the forum Randy! Thank u for being ao brave to tell a bit of ur story. Sounds incredibly scary what u went thru!! Im glad u had the support of ur wife there with u tho.
We often think that those around us dont notice the changes due to our addictions. In reality they probably knew something was wrong all along. We try so hard to hide it at times.
I hope that u find this forum helpful! It has been a huge support for me in my recovery and I hope it is for u too. When u have time, check out the various threads. Read and check in often We are all here for u!
Have you got access to your wife’s notebook? That kinda reality check might help to keep going as I bet it was easier for you to be unconscious than everyone else having to witness the effecta of your self destruction.
I have to be hard on myself to stay sober, day four again, not out of guilt or lacking kindness but because I have to set boundaries for my own sake and practice discipline
Well done on the sober days, you clearly are capable of doing hard things!
Hello. I am new here too. I didn’t have quite a bad of a scenario as you, but I am only 30 and last year a CT scan showed cirrhosis. My labs are ok, liver slightly enlarged. It scared me enough to stop me for two months. But then, I saw the hepatologist and he said “maybe it’s just fibrosis, we can check on the fibroscan but you should quit drinking”.
Well, as an alcoholic that wasn’t what I needed to hear. I wish he had told me I’m dying, because maybe then I would quit. I slowly slipped back into drinking heavier but I’m breaking back out of that now. I know that if I don’t stop, it will kill me.
It is such an insidious disease, but I am so glad that you made it through!
Got to be scary! You got people who been by your side through that, bet they’d happily help with your sobriety and the struggles that come with it, you know rather than that again.
Looking forward for your future posts about your progress!
Welcome Randy. So glad you’re alive.
This is a great sober community.
I’m big on gratitude. It’s my strongest tool. I retrained my brain doing gratitude every day. Reading it, writing it, living it, and reading others here on the gratitude thread.
It took me a lot of other tools. Mostly being active on this forum. But gratitude I feel is my strongest.
Please quit. Use my story as inspiration. I wish I could attach what I posted. It won’t allow me yet. It isn’t worth it. I am mad at myself for falling back off at this time…
Thank you for sharing, it has added fuel to my desire to stop drinking. I’m not drinking currently, I’m about 12 days sober now. But the fight continues. I know that giving up is a death sentence so I must fight.
I wish you all the best, happiness and health. I’m so sorry I don’t have much for you as a newbie on this journey as well.
Nothing. I am a big believer in meetings. I do recovery dharma but AA does a lot of good. Smart recovery too. All depends on personal preference but they all have free zoom meetings. I fell off from mine and almost immediately relapsed. They are more beneficial than we realize sometimes. Welcome to the best sober community
Oh wow, that must have been so scary. I wish you the best in your recovery! I am glad that it sounds like you have some supportive people around you. Please continue to stay strong, though I know firsthand how difficult that can be. I have worked in healthcare for 10 years and I’ve watched people die from this disease. I never thought one day it might be me in that bed.
We are all here for u!
