47 days sober (alcohol). Went to a treatment center for the 1st time & openly identified myself as a “gay woman” & spoke about my wife frequently (she’s a lifesaver!)… I was shocked to learn most of the women I was in treatment with had zero interaction with anyone in the LGBT community prior. Tonight I went to a new meeting (trying to find a home group) and “Faith” was the topic. A few (3) members of the group (2 male, 1 female) shared their disdain regarding the lack of God in society. Specifically they made mention about “people choosing whatever gender they feel they are that given day” and the “incessant fight the gays put up to get all kinds of rights nowadays”. Anyhow, I was floored. It was archaic. Needless to say, I chose not to share today. Have any of you had this experience or similar experiences within the recovery community?
I’m gay, I’ve tried finding a good LGBT group but it has always seemed so impossible, something we see in movies, I want that so much. If that happened to me, I would have walked out.
If this is an AA or NA group, that should not be what the discussions should be based upon. If you choose to continue with that group, the next time somthing of that nature is brought up, I encourage you to speak out and bring the topic or discussion back to AA or NA. Finding a non denomination group is difficult, but are out there.
I’m definitely more patient with negative comments now that I’m sober. And, I typically try to be open-minded to people’s feelings and experiences. I’ve felt welcomed by many people… but it seems once I share my family background people tend to be less welcoming to say the least. One woman was talking to me about kids/family. When I mentioned my wife the woman looked at me & said she wouldn’t have guessed I was gay. Ummm… what is this, pictionary? She commented about the stereotypical masculine appearances of lesbians… all I said is “yep, we don’t all look the same”. I do live in a relatively sheltered and “traditional” town so I’m branching out to find other communities.
Basic ignorant folk, there will always enough of them. I would just laugh at her comments and ask her if she was kidding.
First of all It is truly shameful to hear stories such as this. However, alot of times in AA there are old timers completely stuck in there ways with their personal beliefs and in the traditions of AA. A suggestion I would make to you would be trying NA. Yes, I know youre an alcoholic but that really doesn’t matter. In my personal experience NA is much more progressive and forward thinking than AA. Typically a younger crowd and the LGBT community is much more prevalent in NA. With all that said, go with whichever fellowship you get the most from and where you feel the most comfortable and accepted. I guess the buttholes at that AA meeting forgot about Principles before Personalities. Smh, Compare IN, not OUT! Anyways, stay strong and be proud of who you are!!
I’m genderqueer and gay, but I live in a big city so even in AA there’s a small but visible trans/non-binary population and a couple of good meetings. I’ve never experienced overt hostility at a meeting, but people’s assurances of “we’re all the same, nobody cares who you sleep with” ring a little hollow when I hear stories from queer folks who have been in the program a little longer than me of the bald-faced bigotry they’ve experienced.
I say for the sake of your own emotional health, consider carefully the pros and cons between standing up to these bullies and just removing yourself from the toxic group. I know it feels exceptionally shitty to let queerphobic rhetoric go unchallenged, but the fact is that we are sick and in early recovery from a serious disease so we gotta choose our battles. We’ll crash and burn if we try to do it all.
And at the end of the day, isn’t focusing on our recovery, self-nurturing, and living our narratives as recovered queer people the best form of resistance to those archaic ideas?
You and your recovery are worth so much more than the vestigial ignorance and queerphobia of a program born in a much darker hour of LGBT history. Keep at it. We sober queers are here and we’ve got to believe in one another.
Ugh, sorry to hear about that. A good friend of mine had a hard time with his recovery and finding a place to go because he’s gay. Luckily for him, the large city I live in has an LGBT addiction recovery center where they hold LGBT-only recovery meetings. I wonder if there’s one in an area nearby to you?
@L_Gully, right on!! The suggestion from @DontDoDrugsMmmk to try NA is a good one. I hope you find a group you feel comfortable in.
I’m gay too
Jeez.
Seems about as relevant and explainable as what your favourite colour is. I like girls and my favourite colour is red. Why not boys and green? No idea. Can’t be bothered to work it out. It’s just the way it is.
Hope you find support that cares about your addiction and nothing else except helping you.
That’s really sad to hear that this happened at a meeting. I’m gay and have never experienced this in a meeting! But everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Do i think they should announce this during a meeting, no! They need to keep their comments recovery related! And if they felt the need to say something, say it to you and only you…
But if i were in your position i may wait until after the meeting to address the issue with those individuals, or even possibly the next time you see them. . Or if it doesn’t bother you, than just move on with your day. I wouldn’t give up on that meeting just yet… It may have seemed a bit shocking to you, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to happen at every meeting ya know… Now if it keeps happening and you’ve addressed it with these individuals and nothing is working. Say something during the meeting about how you are being treated and you might want to mention the 3rd tradition and also the 12th… Just a thought! Thanks for sharing! Keep coming back!
What planet do you all live on? I go to at least four different AA meetings a week and if you are part of the LGTB community it is a nonissue. Only your desire to be sober is at issue. That’s the fellowship of AA. At the meetings I attend people openly mention their sexuality freely when indicated. True, I live in a city that offers over 1500 AA meetings a week so you can pick and choose. One meeting I go to is probably 30% gay. BTW - I am a white, conservative male. However, your sexuality is none of my concern, only your desire to remain sober. Come to Denver.
I find in times like that I proudly announce my beliefs and let them feel as uncomfortable as they made me feel. Teach their ass a lesson about how they should think before they speak. Im not gay but I have zero patience for people being disgusting and thinking its okay, Id put even my own friends in their place if I hear them acting ugly.Its not okay.
You share your story and you be proud, let them know they can kiss your ass.
Let me tell you something else, these people do not represent the God that I know. I find it embarassing that they are talking about believing in god and being hateful in the same sentence. God loves everyone and meets you where you are as a person. As followers they should only show you love.
Im so sorry on their behalf.
Okay I’m biting my tongue here. I’ve seen everything sloshed through the muck here. To start with I’m sorry you had to had listen to personal ideology. I’m not sure that sexual orientation has anything to do with recovery. But to paint A.A. with broad is not much different than what you experienced at your meeting. From my experience the rooms are full of everyday people are some of those people intolerant probably. But I’m guessing a fair likelihood are just like me. What you do with your partner is your business not mine. And then the room is not a place of religion. It is to find spirituality a connection to something more important than yourself. So before this goes to there let’s clear that up. I hope you aren’t discouraged by a few idiots because that’s not what the rooms are about.
Hey @Chad_R , I hope you didn’t take my post about my gay friend having a hard time finding a place to as busting on AA, because that absolutely was not my intent. In fact, the LGBT addiction recovery center I mentioned actually holds AA meetings specifically for LGBT folks, as well as SMART Recovery meetings, NA meetings, Al-Anon, and pretty much any recovery group that wants to hold a meeting there.
Not at all geared towards your post or anyone certain one. I just was going to defend the program I am so grateful for. I hope everyone finds a way out of addiction my way may not work for everyone and I’ll try to never tear a persons path down. I just wanted to say my peace for what I understand A.A. as. The sharing should be recovery focused (this in its self should eliminate problems). AND we do not and will not tell you to believe in one certain religion. There are religious people at meetings that doesn’t make the program religious. And it’s a shame that the op had to go through this is By no means is that what I believe A.A. is about.
I’d like to gently point out to any straight/heterosexual/cisgender people on this thread that “my sexuality or identity has nothing to do with my recovery” is a VERY different sentiment coming from a straight person than a gay/bi/pan/trans/queer/etc. person.
Addiction disproportionately affects LGBTQ communities and often the lived experience of being “other than” or looked down on is very intimately tied to why we sought refuge in substances, and the obstacles we have to face while distancing ourselves from substances and learning to deal with life on life’s terms. Our personal narratives have everything to do with our recovery (and while it’s true that we should be able to discuss those narratives in non-LGBTQ rooms free of judgement, just because that should be true does not mean it is true. Trust us on this one. We’ve been burned and shunned in ostensibly safe and judgement-free spaces enough times to know.).
Besides, if AA doctrine was that “sexuality has nothing to do with recovery”, then we wouldn’t have a sex relations part of Step 4 
Step 4 Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Are you saying you have a harder time than thousands of other alcoholics? I’m sorry if life isn’t fair but to bring A.A. into is BS I am out of this thread if you want to debate this more make a new thread so as to no disappoint OP.