Hey everyone, My first time here. I’m 7 days sober. I have a few questions, maybe looking for advice or just general “Yeah I understand and this is how I dealt with it.” stuff. Don’t really know what category to put it in. Multiple I would guess. But anyway.
So I’ve had a drinking problem for about 8 years, I’m 34, it got really bad after losing a parent, moving back home from a job I liked, then losing parent 2. But now I’m ready to move on and have been trying the past couple years to quit and have had longer and longer periods but always fallen off. Anyway, I’m sober again for 7 days, I’m just taking it one day at a time right now. But I need to start un-fu*king some things and am having a hard time figuring out what to do or where to start. Let me know if any of this breaks rules or norms here but I’ll just go on.
Has anybody else who lived alone during the worst of it let their homes go to shit? Like piles of bottles, trash general filth? I never cleaned while I was drinking and that’s one of my main hang ups. So I know I just have to jump in and start, but was it overwhelming to anybody else and how did you deal with it. It’s something I’m really ashamed of and it is SO overwhelming I want to cry when I think about it.
Has anybody else here been in legal trouble? I had my license suspended for a dui (1st, only) that I went to court for and everything, hired a lawyer but spent every dime I had on it. Trouble is I didn’t get to a good place before it was time to get all the other things done like find a job to pay fines, pay for the mandatory classes, etc before my license was suspended so currently I’m trying to find work I can walk or get rides to, I’ll do that to hopefully save up enough to have a lawyer help me. But how do I go about fixing that? I plan to call a lawyer and ask for a consult and maybe see if I can afford to have him represent me, but this is really holding me back because I can’t work in the industry I have experience in (not in my town), but if I get caught driving I’m screwed. So I’m NOT asking for legal advice, but just has anybody else experienced going back to court or turning themselves in after not abiding by the terms of a non-adjucation (1st offense, slap on wrist except I didn’t do anything I was supposed to after)?
These things are real hang ups for me. I take full responsibility, I’m not laying blame elsewhere. But I’m sick of hiding behind a bottle from this sh*t. After I get these sorted, I have a few plans to get back into an education and start a real career. I want my life to go somewhere. I’m sick of spinning my wheels deeper. These things are really holding me back and I’m just looking for some support or experience or maybe advice I hadn’t considered.
Thank you guys, and sorry if this isn’t something we talk about here. Let me know and I’ll adjust.
Welcome. Those are all valid questions that many can relate to here, including myself particulary the housekeeping stuff. Congratulations on your week that is great. I would suggest patience and to try to just tackle one little thing at a time as to not get overwhelmed. That did and does help me.
Thank you, yeah I know the patience part is something I need to stay mindful of because now that my mind is clear (or maybe over-revving a bit) I want to GET STUFF DONE NOW. But thank you, I’ll keep you guys updated on my progress. I’m starting on room 1 tonight.
the addict in me wants it all … and now so patience is important. staying sober will be the biggest thing, as by doing that, in my experience, the time you will get back and have to fill will allow time for those things that have been neglected, chores, school, license back, that will be more managable.
It’s a hard space to be in for sure. The legal trouble is a natural consequence of the drinking. You mention it’s one of the hang ups you have:
Taking full responsibility often means giving up control. We addicts have a problem with control. We want everything to be our way, because that’s what we want.
What scares us about legal trouble - or any trouble: relationship trouble, liver trouble, etc - is that it’s not in our control. It scares the shit out of us because we are forced to surrender control - and that is scary as hell for people who’ve been hiding in the “safety” of addiction their whole adult lives.
The legal trouble isn’t hard because of the practical stuff like driving or income. It’s hard because you can’t control the outcome, and that scares you.
Getting sober is about moving through your life one step at a time and doing the work and the mindset and behaviour changes to grow, to stay grounded (sober) and realistic, one day at a time. Facing your legal trouble honestly and asking for help (recovery groups, rehabs; often the legal consequences are tied to actual programs to get healthy; even if they’re not there are so many good ones: Resources for our recovery or Online meeting resources) - doing that is wise in itself. You don’t know what will happen if you really take responsibility in this way. (I can promise you it will be a short term pain for a long term gain, so you should do it.) What you do know, is hiding and running and trying to “get away with things” has never worked for you, and it won’t work for you now; so it’s time to try something new.
Don’t give up and keep checking in here. One step at a time
Welcome to the forum!
I got my first and only DUI almost 3 years ago. That was my motivation to get and stay sober. I immediately sought out an attorney who would accept payments. Of course, I had to have him paid off before going in front of the judge for sentencing but at least it gave me 2 months. I went into survival mode. I knew I effed up really bad and was willing to do whatever it took to get and stay sober. I immediately got myself into detox followed by IOP and AA. I’m still paying off state surcharges and my insurance is sky high but it’s the price I have to pay for my actions. Eventually, this will be part of my past that I do not regret because it actually saved my life. I’m a completely different/better person because of it.
Wishing you the best on your journey.
Getting and staying sober will make the rest of this much easier to do. When I got sober I was jobless, homeless, licenseless, all that good stuff. I needed things to get better and fast. But despite that I focused solely on my sobriety for 6 months.
First step to cleaning up a mess is to stop making a mess. Then pick on corner of one room and clean it. Do one chunk each day, then don’t mess it back up. Throw things away rather than move them. This gets less overwhelming the longer you stay sober.
I turned myself in on a drug possession warrant when I was 2 years sober. I was expecting go to jail. I was willing to go to jail. I explained to the court my addiction, and then my sobriety, they dismissed the charges. Had I not been sober I would have went to jail. My first 2 jobs after getting sober I rode my bike to. For like 6 months. Then I took the bus. Then I got my license back
Hey ya, welcome to your sober life! Im glad you’re with us now!
My flat wasn’t so much dirty as very messy, it had really become unliveable. It was my own mess but also my partner’s who had his own sceletons in the closet, his own sickness, to so speak. Our living situation reflected the chaos inside us perfectly. It as entirely impossible to live here.
I wish I would have had @Englishd 's advice back then. I just started renovating the entire place on my own and it took me months. I’ve made a much nicer place of it now though and am much happier. It can be done! But better do it bit by bit and not focus the whole you still have to do! Enjoy the process!
Yes that was the absolute worst part of spending the night in jail. First time I’d been and didn’t know how to handle having no control. And you’re right, that’s why I’ve been hiding from dealing with it.
Thank you. I know I’ll have a huge relief once I get some of it done, and from there I may be able to enjoy the process when I see progress. It’s come spring now and I’d love to have a nice clean peaceful spot next to a window for my coffee drinking and contemplating, where I don’t look over and see a stack of empties. So tonight I’m going to work on one room to be a clean base. I already bought the garbage bags and ammonia. But I’m still at my neighbors house right now. He’s a good guy, knows about my struggle and has been really supportive so I hang with him a lot just to have somebody to talk to that doesn’t drink.
I think a lot of the hang-up is just, I hate facing my consequences, lol. I know that’s juvenile as hell and it’s something I just have to suck up. And I will. But I do feel a lot better talking about it and relating to people.
Id say perhaps get your trash bags and just go around and get everything thats rubbish and fill them. Forget about what you will do after that, just concentrate on getting all the rubbish out.
If you have washing up that needs doing get everything and do it .
Go around and get all clothes that need washing and start getting then washed and dried.
Start 1 room at a time.
Then your left with dealing with re organising each room at a time and as mentioned above dont add to it keep making the little rules for yourself
Keep throwing trash out.
Wash up as you use it.
These things slowly will add up to make thie big things happen and it leaves you with a foundation easier to start with.
And as mentioned above it is easier to deal with stuff sober, and as your in early days try and use the guilt and worry and anxiety feelings to motivate you to get stuff done. You right that you will feel better.
Hope you get everything back in order
Welcome to the community and congratulations on your 7 days thats brilliant
Been there done that i was 34 when i decided enough was enough i was beat and went to AA im 70 now still sober if you want it its possible to get sober and stay sober wish you well
I hear you bro I’ve been over now for 28 days and somewhat living alone my girl moved out a while back so walking gym the mall try to keep yourself busy I had to get a second job as well As I started back working out or helps I hope you over come this reach out anytime bro
Well I said I’d update. Thanks to everyone who replied. I started cleaning up last night, filled a couple contractor bags full of empties but I’m not done. Went to the library today for a few hours to get out of the house and got a call for an interview tomorrow (fast food but hey, I can walk to it, I gotta take what I can get). So that’s good. That was step 1 and it aligned perfectly because tomorrow I was going to start walking into stores and bugging the shit out of the managers for a job (its worked before).
So I’m in a pretty good mood. Got some more work to do tonight though but I can handle it.
nice!