I’m Gaariv. I’m 26 yo and I’m freakishly addicted to porn.
It’s been like 13 years now when I first started to masturbate and I really hate it!
The worst part is that I never had any problem with girls and I don’t mind to say that all my GF’s were extremely hot, but I always liked a fap better then actual sex. When I’m writing this post I’m on 8th day strike with no-fap and my max strike was 16 days. I wanted to write this post to actually someone tell me no to do it as I fuckin’ love my GF and I’m thinking about her in every serious way. We happened to live with each other about 1. 5 moths now and still I tend to relapse even when she had no problems with making love with me even every day. This is frustrating as I tend to make an EXCUSES not to have sex with her because I wasn’t turned on because of fapping. I even used to think about myself as a gay or at least bi-sexual because of it which I’m definetly not. Last time we had sex it was 2 days ago and if I’m on strike for at least 3 days in a row it’s starting to being normal feeling but fapping is for me much more pleasureable.
When I’m writing down this one I’m feeling energised as the “nonfap superpowers” are starting to being notice by me, but I’m at the same point feeling like “one time shouldn’t ruin this” and I’m starting to thinking about porn.
When those situations came up I’m starting to look on pics either of my ex’s or any other hot girls then it happens to change to porn as I’m thinking “I’m just gonna check what’s new in there”. Fuuuuuuuck. The worst is when I’m home alone.
And I want to talk about this with my girlfriend, but I feel so fucking ashamed about it so I decided to fight it by my own and never speak about it.
Is here any person which will tell me how stupid I am or want to tell me his/her success story to his nofap journey?
Stop because it’s ruining my life. When I’m on fap strike I cannot think clearly, I’m easy annoyed and frustrated, I have also lack of empathy whatsoever and no motivation to do anything at all.
Hi @Gaariv welcome. I’ve been there. Good news is, it’s possible if you are committed. Couple pieces of advice just off the top:
You’re not going to beat this on your own. All the guys I know here with partners who are working through this successfully, their partners know about it. If your girlfriend doesn’t know yet - and she may - she will know eventually.
This is going to require commitment. @Mtrav0040’s question is relevant here. Are you trying to moderate your use? What boundaries are you looking for? If as you say you hide it out of shame, what does that signal about your feelings about it? What do you think would be the man you want to be in 3 years?
You’re in the right place brother - there is a lot to learn here. Interested to hear your response.
Maybe one day I’ll tell her about it. I said it something like this one time to see her reaction: “Yeah, when I was younger I was addicted to fapping, but because I wanted to get over my ex which cheated on me once” - which as you may assume wasn’t completely true as I know that she cheated on me because of my addiction as I didn’t payed attention on her enough and It isn’t “was” as I’m still addicted. But I had to get over my hatred for her and grew up enough to understand this.
What do I want to do in 3 years… I want to fully enjoy my life!
Something that helped me in early recovery was a book called Breaking the Cycle by George Collins. I wish I’d sought 12 step groups and a sponsor earlier than I did.
Good on you for trying to better yourself! I have a public thread here, which is where I am sort of chronicling my journey. I’m 23 days sober from fapping for the first time in almost 6 years. Truthfully, in the past following the advice I was given didn’t work out for me. People failed me, and I lost motivation. You are unique, and your journey will be also. Read. Use your head and follow your heart. Try anything you think will work. Break free any way you can. This is your life. Be the boss.
First off, it’s awesome that you recognized how ‘fapping’ does not serve you in a way you ultimately want it to.
There are a couple of things I struggle with and sex, porn etc is something I’m striving to overcome. The longest ‘streak’ I had was two month and a week.
What I believe helped me was positive/beneficial activities and being around friends who also enjoyed doing the things I enjoyed. I was living an enjoyable life filled with love and fun, which allowed less time for things I didn’t want to partake in. I had three things I LOVE that I did everyday and in between I would do something I never tried that I thought would be fun or got together with a friend to see if they had any ideas.
Seems easy but I personally was unable to find balance and over thought too many things. But I’m proud of how long I was able to hold out for and have faith I will one day be able to live without masturbation, porn, etc.
Give yourself more credit than you think you deserve. The fact that you’re striving to do better is something that really counts, even if you have to reset your day count. You’re also not obligated to tell anyone anything. It’s completely up to you who you want knowing and taking apart of your journey.
I hear you. Being a good man. A better man. A man you respect. Am I understanding you right?
You’ll notice every guy here has his own unique recovery practice. I notice a few common themes across them:
Living in integrity is absolutely essential. This includes honesty, with yourself and with others, about your behaviours and your accountability. It means knowing and living your values. It will take time for you to reflect on these, clarify them, and take action to live them day-to-day, hour-to-hour, minute-to-minute. This takes discipline and effort.
Take time to really understand what you’re escaping here, and how to manage those triggers, and process those emotions in healthy ways. All the guys doing this here use one or more of journaling, recovery groups, therapy, and Talking Sober. There are many powerful “in the moment” strategies they use too, like ‘and then what’, ‘play the tape’, ‘say what I see’, calling a sponsor, and others. Tap into this knowledge. It is hard won through experience.
Recovery is not a hobby. It is a life. It’s the principles that keep you moving forward. It is the clearest life you live, free from the chains that used to hold you down. It is a life where you reach insights and have personal power you never realized you had. But it is not something you just sort of want to have.
Looking forward to walking this road with you @Gaariv. I’m happy to meet you
I’m on day 4 for nofap. Just went two weeks and relapsed accidentally frrom edging so I understand the feeling. You might want to consider withholding from actual sex as well as it seems that you’re thinking is constantly intertwined around sex. Focus on other tasks and goals. Read a bit. Spend quality time with your girlfriend like a movie. Put up your phone. Do some pushups when you feel the urge. It’s not worth it. Go for a run. Take a nap. Eat a really clean salad with fruit. SLEEP. These are your best bets man. If you have to, get rid of the device that you’re using it on
I did that exact thing by switching my personal phone in for a flip phone, no data. It changed everything. I also avoid using my computer when I’m on my own (and if I have to do computer work on my own I go to the library or a coffee shop).
I can relate so much to your story. Thanks for sharing. My first masturbation was at 13, and I was instantly hooked. And I’ve used porn for most of my life.
Welcome, things may seem bad now but it can get better!
This sounds to me like withdrawals and it’s something that’s very common with those of us that are addicted to porn/sex/masterbation. It will go away eventually, some within a few weeks others several months. It’s important to understand what happens in the brain and how it rewires itself during the healing process.
- thanks!