I’m new to this forum and really need some help. I’m struggling with addiction to pornography, masturbation, and casual sexual encounters.
I’m married to an amazing woman who has been patient with me through so much — things like inappropriate conversations and even two relapses involving casual encounters.
During my second relapse, I had a bad experience and told myself it was the last time… but I ended up falling again, meeting others and watching porn. Every time I lose control, it hurts me deeply because I know I’m damaging myself and my relationship.
I’ve gone through therapy for two years and made my wife believe I was doing better. But on Tuesday, October 7, she found two chat logs exported to my email — one from during my therapy and another from this May — both related to sexual services. It completely broke her. She’s also been in therapy, and now I’ve destroyed her self-esteem.
Today I had to open up and tell her everything about my addiction — things I’d always kept to myself. I do feel a bit relieved after being honest, but I don’t know if she’ll have the strength to keep standing by me through this.
I’ve been sober for 7 days now. The urges have been strong, but I’ve managed to hold on. I truly want to get better. I’m done with therapy for now — what I really need are support groups or recovery circles.
I’m from Mexico — can anyone recommend a good group or community in Mexico City?
Addictions are tough. Congrats on abstaining for 7 days. Id suggest you find an in person support group and come here to share before acting out.
Im glad you found us. Im glad youre sick and tired because you can use that as fuel for your recovery. Theres hope if you take daily action to do the next right thing
I am also a sex addict in recovery, my main acting out behaviours were online cybersex, excessive masturbation, watching pornography, and I also had a small number of anonymous sexual encounters.
It’s great that you’ve been going to therapy, but if you’ve been going for two years and don’t feel like you’ve made much progress, perhaps it would be worth looking into a different therapist? I’m on my second therapist, after the first one wasn’t working for me. I think it’s really important to find a therapist who is educated in, and really understands, sex addiction.
Another option could be SAA. I started going to a local SAA group around 3 months into my sobriety, and found it very helpful. I didn’t start on the steps for almost 9 months, which was a bit silly, but even just going along to the meetings once a week I found to be really beneficial. I’m now working through the steps with the help of a sponsor.
There are also sex addiction threads on here that will help to connect you to other sex addicts:
I truly appreciate your words. I’ve had difficult days, but I’ve managed to stay clean. For now, I only find myself seeing my son and my wife for a while, who, despite everything, worries a little about me, even with everything that’s happened. The best thing that’s happened to me is finding this forum.
I too struggle with relapse. I’m addicted to pornography, masterbation, and cybersex and sexual chatrooms. I have struggled a lot today to not act out. I currently have 6 weeks as of today and I barely feel like I’ve maintained sobriety today but somehow I have. Definitely dealing with withdrawal right now. Your relapses may also be part of withdrawal. I hear they last 30-90 days before they start to go away.