No support from spouse

Looks like I’m going to make it 12 days tonight. No thanks to my wife. She’s still drinking. A lot. I’m turning sixty this month and really really want to clean up my act. Seriously this time. Fat drunk and hungover isn’t any way to start off my sixties. I don’t have too many decades left. My wife still drinks wine with lunch and I’m kinda ok with that. Then the Bombay comes out before dinner and that’s when I get depressed and kind of withdraw. I feel all alone. I’m loosing weight with help from the Noom app and staying sober with the help from you guys and this app. I don’t feel like drinking when wifey is drinking. I just feel sad and lonely. Physically I’m feeling great! Lost ten pounds and tomorrow be day 13 no booze. Just wish my wife of 36+ years could be with me on my journey. As my dad always said. “Oh well what the hell.”
I’m going to enjoy my sobriety!!!
Good night all. Sober morning to y’all.


There are many people here who have been successful in their sobriety whilst their spouse has carried on drinking, I know you said that it isnt bothering you at the moment but maybe search out some of the associated threads and have a read in preparation. Does your wife have a problem with alcohol, if not then do you really think that is fair to expect her to stop drinking? I know that the support would be nice but it would be possible for her to carry on drinking and support you in other ways. Good morning and good on you for making these positive changes to yourself. :+1::slightly_smiling_face:

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Ya I think we both have/had a problem. Her whole family RIP were alcoholics or addicts. Except for maybe the dad. She passes out on the couch almost every night I’d say it’s a problem. And I use to be right there with her drinking. We’d always tell each other we’re going to start…whenever. We never do. I do. but then I go back to drinking. This time feels different now that I’m turning sixty. She’s gone sixty. I really want this. You gave me some good stuff to think about. And yes it does bother me. But it isn’t triggering me to drink. I know I can only do my sober thing. I can’t do it or force it on her. Maybe it’ll rub off down the road. Thanks again for the support.

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I hope that it does rub off on her when she sees the positive changes in you. :+1::slightly_smiling_face:

Congratulations on your weight loss and your 13 days that’s a great start to your new you!have you spoken to your wife about how you feel ultimately we get clean and sober for ourselves,maybe when your wife see how much healthier and happier you are she may well want to give it a try ,I’d say sit down before she has a drink in her a chat honestly about how Your feeling.x


I know this feeling well. When I first started getting sober it was REALLY hard watching my husband continue to drink. The first thing is that overtime my husband has started drinking less and less. I’m not sure if it is because he sees the benefits of sobriety or if it is because he felt guilty drinking around me. Who knows. Who cares. He’s drinking less and that is amazing.

But I think there is a much more important question for you to ask yourself here. “What do you want from your wife?” And really contemplate that question. The title of your post makes me wonder if it goes beyond wanting her to be healthier with you. And once you really work out what it is you are looking for from her you then need to decide what you will do if she doesn’t give that for you. The problem is if we “expect” something from our spouse. “Expectation leads to resentments”. I struggle with this every day. I “expect” my husband to occasionally make dinner without waiting for me to ask or tell him what to make. But he never does so I am in the kitchen slamming cupboards and throwing food on the counter. But is it really his “fault” that he hasn’t met my “expectations”?? No. They are MY expectations. They are MY issues. If you “expect” your wife to stop drinking with you that is simply a case of what YOU want and you can’t resent her for continuing to drink.

I suspect this is all something that you already “know”. But can’t you change your attitudes so that you don’t end up resenting her for making her own life choices.

I wish you all the best and CONGRATULATIONS on 12 days. You are doing awesome. Keep it up.



My man has drank almost every day since I quit 2 months ago. I’d say he is an alcoholic but in a different way than me. He doesn’t lose total control of himself or black out like I would. Most days he ‘hides’ it, keeps his bottle in his car or hidden so I dont have to watch him drink from it. It doesn’t really bother me anyways. Sometimes he can get a little annoying but I just think of the hell I’ve put him thru and it’s not a big deal in comparison. We’ve talked about it and hes decided, on his own, to do ‘sober sundays’. I didnt ask for it but it’s a nice start. You can’t make people change, you can only express your feelings in hopes that maybe they’ll want to better themselves too. Keep up the good work on yourself!


Thanks for all your support and suggestions. I had a really nice talk with wifey while we were walking the dogs this am. I told her about the sober time app and my support group. I hadn’t told her yet after 12 days that I got sober support. I actually lied to her one day and told her I was on Twitter. Right then and there I knew I had to tell her about Sober Time app. I don’t know why I lied. That’s what alkys do. Anyway. Good talk. Told her my feelings. I know she supports me. And I know she’s going to drink. And I know I shouldn’t resent her for drinking. I cannot make her or anyone sober. And I Can feel sad or depressed when she breaks out the martinis before dinner. After 36 years I know what I can expect from her. And about 10 years ago or so I led an al anon meeting and I got to pick the topic. Resentment. So Im working on that again. At least I don’t feel like drinking.
Seriously thanks for all your coaching you guys.


I have a feeling that you, my friend, are going to be awesome. It may not be an easy journey but you have your head and your heart set straight.


My husband continued to drink very heavy for first 3 months of my sobriety. He saw how well I was doing and finally decided to join me. He’s now 13 days sober and we’re finally on the same page after 28 years of marriage. We still have a lot of other issues to work on and I’m hoping being sober helps us to overcome the other shit. Maybe in time your wife will decide to get sober. Congrats on your sobriety!


Just checking in to say I had a good day with the wife. Thanks again for all the support. :pray::heart::zzz::zzz::zzz:


You’re not alone in this… :expressionless: You can tell someone you think you might have a problem with with alcohol and they will even see you shaking, vometing, sicker than Hell and will still say pick me up a 30 pack and get mad if you don’t have one with them… :pensive: I’ve seen this happen… :coffee::neutral_face::100: Glad you had a good day… :slightly_smiling_face:Congratulations on your sobriety…:tada::sparkler: Twelve days is hard to do if you are used to consuming… You can meet every goal that you set in place… Great for you in setting them…:100:

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Aw… thank you, I appreciate that.
Day 13, 7 hours and 42 seconds. Almost 2 weeks. Feeling good this am and ready for another day. I hope your day goes well.