my last chance
My last drink
On may 9th 2023 was a beer.
I had over 300$ in my back pocket for whatever i wanted
I was drunk, when the beer was only half gone
Because of a person’s will to keep me safe
They pulled me out
And i questioned the change that led to my life i have now
That was at 9:30am in the morning
My sobriety clock was set to 12am in the morning or 00:00 the next calender day on
may 10th 2023
If that person didnt save me
I see a blackout by 11am in the morning
And my life taking a turn for the worse by sundown
After i was saved
I kept vaping nicotine and maniacally continued in my addiction , and started with cbd flower from online. A big az bag
I did it as much as i could
Before i left and after i got back
Every day
One month later
I got a job
I didnt stop trying to feel numb
One month after a job
I quit vaping and used nicotine gum and mints
I kept using online cbd
Then i was told i was going to be a dad
And i continued
I became a dad
I quit nicotine products 3 months after on may 4th 2024
I kept using online cbd for 7months then wanted a thc pen for no reason on September 11th 2024
I MINIPULATED the person i was with to get 1 puff of a thc pen
I took one puff
But
When i was blowing out the puff, i coughed so i wanted to make sure i felt enought so i took one more
I got confrunted and wigged out to the point i failed and became at rock bottom (,again, (how many times now?)) hiding the truth behind my disshounest hounesty.
On that night i was withdrawing so bad my skinn was on fire. I was hurtting for a thc pen. I was in pain for a thc pen.
My turest sobriety date was set one calender day after at 12am in the morning or 00:00 on September 12th 2024 and in 3 days i will have 22 months of continued sobriety with no program of recovery, only the silent words i hear in my head when im reading the wisdom on here. White knuckling every little knick knack to stay sober.
My only wise words of experience strenghth and hope i csn say is
At this moment in my cuontinued network and recent network (made just today)
..
Sobriety is better then under the influence and i am desperately and manicly willing to never pick up any drink, hard drug( i smoked them all) , nic product or and any form of weed ever again.
my example to my sobriety without recovery
Im not even truly more willing then how desperate i am not going to pick up
But
Yes i am also very willing to the point that in hell i dont see myself ever using a substance
.
.
.im a very good hearted and willed person but because of my addiction life style and continued neglect of recovery my lifes in shambles. To the point im understanding why i should worry about being left at the work parkenlot to fed for myself.
This is sobriety
Without recovery
We dont need connection for the sobriety
We need it for the recovery
Its all difficult
But its easy not to pick up a substance at all cost. Just be desperate
However
I need to learn how to be human because i never learned how to be human
edit
the person who saved me also took the coffee maker lolololol
end chapter
Tomorrow ill see what the next page brings 
