Fear also tends to be similer in different people
Stick with facts
Theroys are just guesses until proven real
Who knows what the governments around the world have been working on 
Sleep tight
Dont let the bed bugs bite
Something strange about how my brain reacts to substances
Ill do a heavy azz p**l and think its relaxing
Comperared to a thc dab pen
Which will make it so i cant talk
Comared to alcohol which will cause me to do stange things like sneek into my neighbors apartment and steel beer then run off laughing
*i got thrown off a pourch for that
*i picked up the beer insted of vodca for a old military man one time. He actually was a pure old military experienced man who lit my hat on fire with a big ol torch right infrunt of me for picking the wrong drink. He was a old friend who passed from alcohol.
I believe he surved in the military as a super trooper delra force navy seal president of rhe united states world
He was total ol badass
I was blackout drunk and forgot the order
Growing up i have seen some sht happen that was so bad, i just can say god saved me. I shouldnt be here alive happy clean and sober. If any of you didnt know me in person addicted to sober, you would just say one of these or all..
… why did myself… why… how…why…you must be lieing… its a lie… you werent that bad…
Hounest to god you wouldnt know what to say. The people in my addicted life would ligit feel some harsh emotion and even embarrassment to let myselfs life happen.
I know why i chose that life. It is because i was grown into it.
I have trama (i smoked h on opioit blockers)
Everyone who has been in my addicted life must feel something trama like. I wasnt smokeing h because i was happy. As a matter of fact, i wasnt even able to say no to it. I had no choice in addiction. I was also tought to be addicted.
I dont blame my trama on anyone
Even just yesterday is trash compared to the present moment right now. The future is just hope.
I believe everyone has a sourse of trama especially if you use any substance.
I would never blame someone for their own trama. I would like though for them to accept the hell they have in thir past before we talk about a future chilling or bonding. I would sleep in the park bench before someone could get me to trust bad.
A past person pulls up, “hey sleep over”
If my sole even tingles sketchy
“Na im sure ill be alright”
Meanwhile sleeping on the park bench
Ask yourself
When i picked up the illigal pipe of crk, was i a dangor to myself and everyone around me"
No? You say
Well you needa get you ass sober and streightn out.
“Your a loser”
I think your scared of me. Why would anyone say that?
Fk u
"Ok well thats actually concidered a blank sentence because its a waste of air to and energy to “state this perticular emotion” to myself
You ever notice when you addmit when your addicted, then pick up..
..didnt you see the 2 paths those people go. Either unfortunates (death)
Or
Back to 100% sobriety
Why is that, do you think..?
..as a hounest question to whoever helps me figure out this question.
i believe trama
Question 2
Why do you or did you relaps?
because i was dangerous
Lastley the key question
What is your sobriety date?
My pure no hard drugs, no alcohol, no weed, and no nicotine is September 12th 2024..
..If your not sure..
Stay sober to get a answer
Is this tough to read?
Anyone got enough blls to answer?
P.s. #1
im not being sarcastic. You smoke ciggs for escape.
P.s. #2
Anyone who answers has a opportunity to take what they need and leave the rest..
..like to (not count something like ciggs but quit hard drugs)
EDIT # 1
No AI needed or used here. This is my life experiences.
I had so many days where i thought a U.S.A. craft PulpDaddy beer..
(forgot what the brand is called, got like a pic of a deer on it)
..i thought it would hit so good that it actually would be a damn good idea. Still didnt do it 
No alcohol sence may10th2023
No hard drugs sence may10th 2023
No ciggs/vapes sence july 18th 2023
Nic free sence may4th2024
No form of pot sence September12th2024
In this time i have learned 2 very important about myself which
is if i have the ability to say yes or say no, i will choose life over death
And
I will never ever end by my own self, thoughtfully
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People will try to change your perspective to fit what they would like it to be.
If someone has a good heart and is doing the next right thing, im pretty sure if they say no once they shouldnt need to say it again.
Theres guidence.. then theres minipulation..
Dont get them confused
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I had to drop my theropist i was seeing over the internet
I was having a issue with connecting and got a 99$ charge for missing it. They fixed it for me but jbdont like how i depended on the connection to be a perfect idea
I did however learn a lot from her
And what i learnedni applied and learned more all about myself and ways to communicate to others in a healthy way.
Why i believe i must stay sober at all cost is because there will always be something i need sobriety for amd theat set aside, tomorrow , i will learn things i didnt know today.
Sobriety is just better
If i go back to theropy it will be in person
Right now my schedule is so full worh appointments for me , or my lil famly , or family time , or rest.
..theres hounestly not enough hours in the day i can hounestly say.
I go to AA meeting in the same place everytime and i like that meeting..i can go 3x a week. My goal is just 1x
..1 time or 3 times dont matter to me. I want to go to all 3 as much as i can
Schedule got iffy and i need to re adjust
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1221 days no alcohol hard drugs
861 days nic free
2 full years nun of the above including any form of marijuanna
Today is my full 2 years sober according to my own goal
This is the longest ive ever been weed free (let alone 100% sober)
2 years ago i was a bit less then 34 years old
I started weed at 13 years old
I spent 20 years obsessed over pot to the point of it most likley being the reason why i have mental illness.
Smoking weed till i have a terrible head ache, then wanting and smoking more only because i have it available causes damage ; let alone 20 years of this off and on including good times and bad times.
Weed is a backstabber if abused
3 Likes
Well my first day was good
2 solid years + 1 sober day extra
It was a tough day. It rained. I was outside all day. Super cold. Im now sick.
Took a shower
Took my meds
Ill be here reading. Please feel free to send me a shout.
3 Likes
I had a terrible user dream lastnight. It wasnt scary but it was very vivid.
Right when the dream started i was at a bar i have never been to be4 and i said i want 4budweizers, then imideatly corrected and said just 1 and all order as i go. I drank 1 almost gone quick and looked over at someone i didnt recognize and said well i have day 1 again now. Then i apeared at home and the sun was out and i came here and said day1 but im safe and ok. Like i didnt think much of it.
2 things happen almost every drinking dream i have
Im at a bar
And the biggest hurtle i have in my dream is the fact i will WANT to admit i fked up to you guys on the 1st post i make after the relaps.
Lol
This tells me im not ready to be done with this place yet. And i might not be able to ever be. This place , for myself, is better then any program
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I started the day off saying whoe me. Thinking it was going to be a bad day. Yeah it wasnt the best but i cant believe i started out thinking that.. i feel bad about that. Im alive and awear. End. Thats all it takes to be better then someone else.
Starting the day whoe me set it up for that
Its not as bad as it seems
Mental health is blah blah blah nonsense
Other then that
..
I need to focus on good much more. Hit up meetings. Take it slow and be less selfish. Im not the prime time end all be all.
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