Dear @SoberWalker @Mno @LuluJo @Beth @Girlinterrupted @lisa07 @Jimieg @Dolse71 @C_8 @Maartje and all others i feel i have abbandoned.
I Will share my last period swiftly.
Glad 2 make the step bv back here.
Bless yall and more wil follow
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Awesome to hear from you!!! 
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you’ve been missed from my side of the pond, keep us up to date with yourself and life my friend. Hope to hear from you soon.
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You have been on my mind so much!! So glad to see you 
You know we are always here for you and I’m so happy to ‘see’ you!!!
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Nalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! 
PS. Nice to see you too Joost Strider As I said before on FB. Hugs Ouwe.
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Welcome back and now I said it twice so…don’t feel to overwhelmed 
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Yay! So happy to hear from you my friend. I’ve been thinking a lot about you.
Give Nala kisses for me.
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Yes … to start with the following.
Since the last operation in Katwijk in the Leiden LUMC I have been rehabilitated and returned to Groningen after which I actually fell into a very deep black hole. the corona wave the lockdown and also the message about a next operation because of a gigantic incisional hernia, which means that there is a tear in my peritoneum through which fluid comes from under the peritoneum to my abdominal cavity and my intestines, intestines to be precise in oppression and because of that I actually had to live in a lot of pain every day and I still live. I persisted for a long time to stay clean but at some point I fell back into depression because the doctor’s message next to the surgery was that the chance of full recovery was not very high and the risk of complications was quite high. Basically the doctor’s opinion was that there is an 80% chance of complications and that I should seriously consider that the next surgery will be the toughest of them all and it is not said that I will go through all of this. this sounds very heavy but I see the light and unfortunately I fell back 62 days in the use of heroin. I have now stopped taking this and I am also in a rest home and I am in the process of weaning off medication and getting completely healthy again . I have stopped smoking in order to ensure that I face the next operation in the best possible way.
in 4 weeks I will go back to Groningen to the university medical center and the operation plan will be discussed and I will again have the entire abdomen open and then have to rehabilitate for another 6 months. I managed to stay sober for a long time and I’m still very proud of that, but after the news of the next surgery I actually completely collapsed and became very depressed.
curtains closed, outside only at night with Nala out to walk.
And of course everyone pushed away from me because I actually couldn’t stomach what awaited me and I don’t dare to undergo the operation in the state I am at the moment. I’m doing this message from speech to text I’m going to translate it into English later for everyone to read.
Unfortunately I can’t type at the moment because I also had an accident a week ago in which I fell forward through a 1 high window. have had arterial bleeding and have my whole hand in a cast and lost 2 liters of blood. Also a broken ankle… which now brings me to the rest home and GGZ rehabilitation center where I am.
I thought a lot about the time I was on the forum and I missed it a lot, I actually stopped posting out of shame, didn’t respond, sought help from the very people I know, and knew they were there for it have always supported me and from all corners of the world but because of the shame and the fear, especially the fear, I could not be in touch with the whole world for a while. It was a reason for me to completely cut myself off from everyone.
A difficult time is ahead of me, I have a lot of physical complaints and the future is uncertain, but it is true that I have found the strength to get up again after 62 days of using heroin and the necessary other resources such as smoking a joint his time and a glass of whiskey but this has all been called to a stop now. These last two were not a problem in my daily life, nor were they an addiction problem. I hope you will follow me in the near future, give advice, and where necessary provide Paul with a joke and one of the great sarcastic expressions that I missed from you so much. Menno, Lisa, beth, and everyone else… As I mentioned before I really missed you guys and I remember the support I got from all of you and because of that I was actually ashamed that I have been back lately I also haven’t been to the people on the forum but I have now decided to return and I will keep you informed of everything that is going on regarding my health, the surgeries and my mental state of being. @Flamestar I forgot to name and probably many more people but with this I will keep you alle informed as much as possible and anyone can you ask everything and I will be there for anyone where possible and always be around to be asked for help where necessary or where you think you can help me, please do. That would also mean a lot to me.
The last sad fact is that in my small family circle, heavy unhealthy things have returned that I don’t need to mention on a public forum.
So far today, just for today, you alone can do it, but you can’t do it alone…
Kind regards and a blessed day to all of you. Joost
@Donna @Lisa07 @Girlinterrupted and @Donna @Fireweed @SoberWalker @Dolse71 @C_8 @anon57836609 and … I Will be in Podgorica verry soon!!
The original foto seemed to be to hot 2 handle so with kind regards a nonsense replacement
@Mno mod, this should be ok i guess
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I’m so happy to hear from you, you have been on my mind Joost. Sorry you have been struggling so badly and in so much pain. Happy you made it back to us though sending hugs to you and Nala.
Stella
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Shame is such a counterproductive, stupid ass emotion! I’ve come to believe that 95% of the sh*t in my life ultimately comes down to misplaced shame. Not being myself out of shame, not asking for help out of shame, not taking my full responsibilities because of shame. The list goes on. I’m very glad you overcame yours and you’re back. With a vengance. On the road again. One day at a time. Enzovoorts. Let’s do this friend!
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Thnx Beth, and everybody else ofcourse
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Indeed!!! Lets do this. Dankjewel gap 
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Yay !! Stella … Was looking for Luna but you found me . Thnx and be safe
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Likewise 
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Thank you for being so honest. I’m just happy you made it back here. Addiction kills too many and it would break my heart to pieces if you became another statistic. We will love you until you can love yourself. Praying for you my friend.
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Can’t tell how much your words mean to me. Thanks you so much
Friday another big Day @ plastic surgery where the cast goes of and the nerve damage Will be investigated and another cast goes on. No black this time, im feeling pink i guess if i have the choice. Update wil follow.
You guys made my day !! There simply are no words for some things… big s.o. to the clan
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I’m really glad you’re back Joost, you’ve been missed
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