The soul is back in the house… Missed her so much yesterday …
Feeling blessed
8 Likes
Home sweet home!
Home is where the dog is 
4 Likes
I’m a little late to the part as I was under a super tight deadline for work. I think only you know th answer to the running away part, but one thing I do know is that you bring YOU everywhere you go 
I’m m pretty notorious for bopping around and trying life in different places. I have loved everywhere that I’ve lived, and they are all very different. You need to feel safe, so getting to a safe place is completely logical. You obviously need to get your health up first, so the way I see it, you have plenty of time to think about it and weigh the pros and cons.
3 Likes
Thanx B 
appreciate the FB and I will do it in that order, make a list with pro’s and cons, take care of my health. The 12th I’m going in for a CT scan and the 25th is the pre-ops meeting so in September I guess it will be surgery time.
First things first indeed.
I wish you a great Sunday and God bless ya’ll
4 Likes
I’ve just seen this thread, and damn… Write a novel. Happy to hear your still here.
1 Like
Ghehe Mr m , I should indeed, with some poëtry and all adventures.
But where to start…
I’d call it “shit happens” volume 1
Thnx bro
4 Likes
Appartement vieuw @ groningen (050nl)
House in order and treated Nala with extra walks and myself with some great pieces of French and Dutch special cheese 
Having a good day,
Blessed and happy
6 Likes
#home streetvieuw , little street in the south of the biggest city in the north.
And the familiar look of my sweet❣️ at home
4 Likes
So today started well, just ordered a sax 
and a clarinet , the last one will be shipped and here in maybe 19 days , the other one today or tomorrow.
Today I set my mind to some insurance things to take care of and I have the scnd job interview and my question list is done
Listening to the blues and feeling alright
Have a good one ya’ll
4 Likes
Life seems to be throwing random either triggering or happy shit at my face atm…
So much to go for, so much to put up that fight for… but the discrepancy in between is my body… It’s like living in a halo of spoken dreams who’m for no one to be seen before…
Before when, or what I ask…
Still living the mask at cocobongo club?
Still living past that the future mashes up?
Pub? No … Club… No…
Stop…only with my bail bonds from the past,
They last but are outlasted…
Imma just broadcasting the world flow without the flock of snow draining my nose or abusing spring just to flow in my mind,
Behind the autumn I was in… Steady ground
Anyone still following me.?
I hope,
Let me know
2 Likes
Although not wandering atm, still I do feel lost for the first real time in about 30 months. The choice is becoming a unavoidable fact, but the other choise is living day by day, make sure my Nala gets her stuff and as ashamed I am not being able to take good care of myself… Am I perfect, hella’no , am I trying, yes I am… But my body won’t let me work, no work no goal during the days, no benefits and just me, myself and I . It’s really funny that it takes me back to when I was 16 and got homeless by my father kicking me out the night mom died,
Eating powder mashed potatoes with the fresh veggies to hat I can get my hands on…
Back in the days I had an self made cabin, with an oil drum and fire to roast just a bun. At least now I have a roof, most bills payed and life … I am so trying to see the light, grasping hands that try to reach me and atm… I’m shutting down. And I know this is my obvious problem… For example, my special neighborhood kid and nalas friend has his birthday tomorrow and I can’t even get him a gift… On the other hand I know that for him the fact that I am there is everything that matters.
I saw a foe for a friend and he has my keys, shit is missing in my home, he is not honest and for a fact now I know that the things and cash I loned him went up in snow. I still need to collect, and he offered to help me to get a day’s work this week so I can get some things done but he thinks he is my saviour… Instead it is me who is the one in place brought to help him… But boundaries are crossed… And I am not in a place where I can accept that. Did confront, but he burries one lie with another… And I can’t be honest becouse there’s a wife and special kid involved… Meanwhile he stuffs his nose and I just bless God Nala has her shit.
The hospital mess is killing me socially, the costs, the uncertainty. I need to eradicate this person, he has issues that are now not mine to bare, I can only help if someone listens. But still, I worked and did not yet get my pay, and he is a part of that.
Imma just spitting, thinking what my mother would say.
She’d tell me that " when the fridge is empty, I should defrost it with pans of cooking water finally I guess"
I really am happy with a lot of things, happy to be alive and all that, but I have limited options and I have to make a choice.
I can’t attend my buddies funeral, eat healthy or get another brace for around my body.
I do can, be the best I can, don’t chase perfection and accept the steps I can make in the right direction.
I sooooo wanna crawl back and numb myself, won’t happen but I crave to just a minuite without stressing over things I never , no living human should ever stress about
Is this a post? Or am I just typing the truth to myself (maybe erase it and you guys won’t know) and making it clear… In the open, not the be crawling back in my depression and anxiety shait…
Well , I am ok. I just have bin in this situation before and before and before but never with a body that fails to let me just live in a western civilization based economy.
I love you guys, all of you. Some more then others but as @mno said to me , this September I will not make past mistakes , like all my past dark times started right this month, then lingures on to the holidays/Christmas sensation of lonley essential interpretations… no more… There is no shame in being me !! That I do know and so I speak my mind over pitty feelings and we Ben feel like I’m bitching about shit couse way more people have it worse… At least they have eachother, I don’t know who to trust anymore lots of times. And those who I do trust are far away or are people we go I can’t even start talking about what happened in the past, good people, really great spirits, but they won’t understand and then I might lose them… Probably not … but it’s all blurred… Going out with my 37kg barking trash can 
But against doctors advice, please do pray that I can get some working hours.
Imma leave it with this.
Bless ya’ll
7 Likes
You’re stronger than you think. Not meaning this physical as you might be less strong than you think in that way. You’re a strong man nonetheless. You could do some very good things. As long as you stay clean that is.
You write very well my friend. I feel you should write more. Prose that is. The truth that is. Thanks for sharing your truth. It’s strong.
3 Likes
I have my first podium since covid in two weeks, for and in some kind of a hippy cultural thing. Guess I get a tofu meal and that’s fine also.
I have so much poems, proza, shirt stories written over the last times … And litteraly everyone who comes to hear, or gets a sound sample of some things I’m working on say I should really step up and professionalise it. Separate accounts, YouTube, insta etc and start making more out of what I love couse it is my gift, passion and my thoughts altered to words do have an impact or message that mostly is appreciated by mist.
For now a good night my friend 
Be safe and I’ll get there
6 Likes
I’m glad you have something nice to look forward to … your podium… wish we could be in the audience … so please share some of it if possible and you want to.
Know that you have support for all you’re going through.
Admire your tenacity.
2 Likes