Not looking forward to the holidays

Am I the only one that is not looking forward to the holidays at all? And it’s not even that I’m tempted to drink. I don’t want to drink. But I realized I stopped liking the holidays years and years ago and I just used alcohol to get through. This will be my second holiday, season sober, and I sooooo want it to be over.
Any advice? I think for the last 10 years or so I’ve said my favorite day of the year is December 26. It just feels like some sort of performance or something. Can anybody else relate?


I think the season also brings a lot of happiness especially to the little ones there are two way this season can go. You know there are people good people out there struggling you should volunteer somewhere put a smile on your face i think we should work harder to enjoy rather than be disappointed in things the cool thing is that we control it HAGD :+1::ok_hand::muscle::checkered_flag:


Short answer is YES! Every holiday is so over commercialized that it makes me want to hide! So I don’t go shopping except for groceries, and I stay focused on the seasons instead. Seasonal foods, seasonal chores. Much simpler.


Good point, volunteering, connecting to people in a meaningful, not commercial way…

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You are so right! The one thing that brings me delight is seeing the kids happy. I don’t have any children on my own but to see all of my relatives running around is wonderful. And you are right, I need to volunteer somewhere because helping other people has always made me feel better and appreciate what I have.

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I don’t mind the holidays, it’s my family that’s the problem!

The year after being accused of not “spending enough money” on a gift, my wife and I decided to start spending christmas at Disneyland and we’ve been doing that for over 10 years now. Everyone got butthurt about it for the first couple of years, but now it’s accepted as the thing we do.

Thanksgiving is a little wish washy, sometimes we gather, sometimes we don’t; this year we aren’t.

I’ve always loved the christmas season as a kid, and as an adult, I still love it, for different reasons, it’s a way to celebrate the birth of our lord and savior, Santa Claus. Our new tradition gives us all something to look forward to, whereas before it was something we’d resent.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my family very much, but when you get 20+ different personalities under one roof for an evening, and splash in some alcohol… yeah, not my cup of tea, ESPECIALLY sober!!

Maybe it’s time you start your own holiday tradition, or anti-holiday tradition?


You just hit the nail right on the head. It’s all those personalities under one roof trying to act like they get along. I’ve thought about going to Costa Rica or something during the holidays. By the way, thanks for the chuckle, our Lord savior Santa Claus lol. . Not to offend anybody, but it is a fact that December 25 was designated to coincide with the winter solstice. Biblical days weren’t running off our same calendar they were using the moon. But anyway, thank you for making me feel like I’m not alone


I used to dislike the holidays when I was drinking and drugging. I couldn’t wait to get home and get back to doing my own thing. I no longer have family close enough to visit or they’re dead and now I regret not wanting to spend time with them back then. But I do make the best of it with my little family (hubby & daughter). Christmas is my daughter’s favorite holiday and to see her face that morning brings me so much joy. My favorite gift is sobriety, it’s the gift that keeps on giving.


You are not the only one! I had Covid through Christmas last year so it gave me an excuse to be unavailable. We celebrated later with my kids and it was so much less pressure! I couldn’t believe how relaxed I was when the pressure was removed. Maybe find a way to take some of the pressure off?


Do it!! You will either like it or love it! It’s probably a great time of year to go; warm and dry, I hear.

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I don’t like the holidays, it’s been like this for years. In Spain it’s effin never ending. It’s starts on December 6th and 8th with 2 bank holidays. The 24th (Noche Buena), 25th (Boxing Day), 26th (second day of X-más). 31st of December, 1st of January and finally January 6th (Holy 3 Kings). Last year I didn’t drink over the holidays, I’m not worried about that. I just hate all the fake happiness and money spending related to it. Also if you say “I’m happy staying home alone”, it’s not accepted, you have to justify yourself why you don’t want to join all the booze drained festivities…


Hi @Bobbyw

This is a good topic. My previous dislike for the holidays was based on my mom passing away just after. It was her favorite holiday.

The loss of her pushed me really deep into my addictive behaviors, and since it was her favorite holiday and she passed so close to it, it became a very difficult time of year for me. I’d numb the pain when those memories came up, even months leading up to the holidays.

It was a very hard thing for me to change. Even having kids initially didn’t change those feelings.

After doing some work on myself in my recovery and just mentally, I came to realize I was stuck in a rut. One that was filled with sadness, anger, and darkness.

My family at that point shifted the traditions around, and we began to do more “experience” gifts than toys. This shift helped me to also shift my mood thankfully. I now look forward to them again and seeing the joy on everyone’s face. I do still see an issue where I notice I’m not really allowing myself to allow others to celebrate me in those moments, and that’s an area where I still need to grow.

I hope that whatever is working hard to keep you down in these moments loses its grip, and frees you so that you too can begin to enjoy life as a whole, in every moment.


Wow, we have a lot in common. My mother was very ill for years, and I dreaded every single Christmas because I always worried it would be my last with her then once it happened, nothings been the same. Thank you for realizing that’s where a lot of this is coming from.


Oh, my God, I was really just dreading two holidays Thanksgiving and Christmas. It sounds like a nightmare for all those holidays for me. And you also hit on something, everything Hass to be socially acceptable and it’s like a season of total conformity.

What I’ve come to understand for myself is that no one has to suffer including myself during the holidays because of the feelings I reserved for the significance of the pain of losing her.

I had to learn to seperate my sadness of her loss from the holiday itself, because at the end of the day they each require and demand their own feelings, emotions, and memories.

I can be devastated to not have my mom around for them and be sad. But then I needed to hold that space for those feelings because Christmas will never be the same without her.

And Christmas in itself has so many good memories or honestly not good memories each and every year. Every year is new and different than the last. They’ve never been the same, ever. But again hold space for what happens in that time because it is up to me to make the best of it every time. If I prepare myself to make it suck, it’ll suck every time. I had to begin to make new memories and believe that it was still being enjoyed by my mom because she is still a giant part of who I am today.


I’m all alone and stay home at christmas. it’s peaceful and when i feel lonely i call friends or chosen family.
do whatever feels right for you.


You’re not alone anymore. There is always people on here, even on the holidays. :blush:


i know. but IRL i’m alone. my parents are dead and i’m divorced.


I’m with you on this. Not really bc of my family, and those obligations. I don’t have much family and we all get along and don’t expect anything from one another. Except the annual renewal of AAA my parents give my brother and I :laughing: Best practical gift ever!

It’s the pressure I feel to do everything right. Making sure Christmas is magical for my daughter. I hate wrapping presents. And that damn elf on the shelf! I got away without one for years until she started questioning why we didn’t have one and all her friends did. Of course it’s an amazing feeling to see the wonder and excitement in her eyes on Christmas morning, but it’s everything leading up to it that drains me.

I used to just drink my way through it all. One year I wrapped some of her presents while I was blacked out. I completely forgot what some were and ended up buying doubles. That was interesting. A couple years back I drank so much Christmas eve I was throwing up and stuck on the couch while she was opening her presents in the morning. I couldn’t even enjoy it :pensive:

At least I know that won’t happen this year, but I just can’t seem to get into the spirit yet. Maybe once we decorate. But that’s not even something I enjoy doing, bc it’s just going to be taken down and have to be packed away again. Last year I couldn’t get my tree apart by myself and it stayed in the corner, ornament-less, until February. Idk. I can’t wait til Dec 26 either. But then, shortly after, it’s Easter and her birthday, and it’s the same thing over again.

This is starting to sound selfish to me, but it is what it is.


My condolences regarding your parents especially, if condolences are valid for the seperation from the ex then please apply them there as well, but if the separation is a good and healthy thing for you then that’s great.

In some cases it can be healthier and safer to be alone than to be in the company of those who are unhealthy towards you.

I too have lost my parents and I empathize with you and the pain that has.

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