I thought getting sober would be great for my marriage (I love being sober but my relationship has changed) my husband says he’s not drinking but he barely talks to me anymore & takes off for hours at a time. Has anyone gone thru this? I just got out of treatment & he hasn’t done any treatment so we are on different pages
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Is it possible to talk to him and tell him how you’re feeling?
My husband continued to drink heavily for the first 11 months of my sobriety. We only spoke when we were arguing about his drinking. I told myself I would give it until my 1 year anniversary for things to change. Thank god it did, 2 weeks ago he stopped drinking and now we’re communicating and having a normal life again. Hopefully it stays this way.
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You are not alone. I have a LOT going on with my marriage right now. Some my doing. Some his. I’ve changed. He hasn’t. I have to choose to work with what I can change. (AKA… serenity prayer on repeat in my brain…)
Sometimes I feel like I have 1 foot out the door but deep down I want to make it work so I keep trying. Hang in there.
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I think patience is the key. Some people do part ways after being sober but it is worth giving it time and seeing what happens. When we change it is a lot for our partner to deal with and get used to. They may be sceptical about whether the changes we are making will stick, there are lots of factors. Remember that how things are right now isn’t how they will always be. If you’re safe then waiting to see how it plays out might be a good option.
Some good info here which might be helpful 
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I’m the same boat, but my husband is the recovering alcoholic. Yes I became a horrible drunk during our binge drinking weekends in the last couple of years but my mental health spiralled downwards. No excuse but I wasn’t myself emotionally. My drinking and behaviour is my fault and I have turned a new leaf. After he opend up to his addictions, we were proud of him, everyone was patting him on the back as a job well done, but he seem to take it out all on me. Everything good I did for him, past and present, he told his women friends online and in the real world the opposite. He was just blame shifting to justify himself. I wonder if addiction is an excuse for people’s wrong doings or are they like that anyway. He was addict before we met so I can’t see how my drunken rages relates to his years of drinking, cheating etc. He has no empathy for the emotional abuse he has caused. I am the wife he has to hate to keep up appearances. Maybe I’m too sensitive at the moment.
Sometimes we find ourselves on different paths, but we should both support each other on our different routes which will meet up eventually. Keep talking, be honest. We can only change for ourselves but you can be the inspiration for him to see how things can be lived/done differently. You are doing good, maybe he feels embarrassed because he is not ready to make changes, but don’t let him discourage all the good you have done so far. I’m learning to walk away and ignore his negativity towards me.
Hope it works out for you 
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I love this! Such a good way of explaining it.
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I am going through the same thing. I have 7 months of sobriety. My girlfriend has been very supportive but she is distancing herself from me. I know she misses the old me. I know she is happy for me but I think in a way my sobriety is hard for her because she in my opinion is a alcoholic or at least borderline. I feel that the more I talk about my sobriety with her it pushes her away so I try not to do that. It’s hard because we want to share with our partners everything.I’ve told her that I am fine with her drinking. I just worry about her driving. I am in the final stages of my DUI (felony hit-and-run) and will be doing work release for 4 months starting in October.
I am not sure of our future but I just continue to work on myself. We do communicate on this and now I just give her her space.
Love yourself first and Good luck
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Thank You everyone, yes it’s not easy but this time my sobriety comes first. I don’t want to go back to where I was.
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Me and my husband went through addiction together and got sober together. Then a little over 4 months ago he relapsed…for about 2 months . I knew. When I finally caught him he got clean again. Then about a week ago he relapsed. It wasnt much but it counts. It’s hard on us as sober spouses I think because we have to watch and know there is nothing we can do because sobriety can only come from the person. He ended up in the hospital a few days later because of another reason and he swears no more. Says it changed his way of thinking. I have to leave it in Gods hands…only thing I know to do . I think when we go through addictions together it can be really hard to see them using and not miss the US of the old…but then we have to play the tape to the end and remember how bad we really were together not our altered perceptions of how FUN it was. Ugh…it takes alot of self preservation focus and it hurts to think maybe we wont end up in the same sober place but our own sobriety must come first. In this we must be diligent and yes, selfish…
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It’s fusterating for sure. He leaves and comes home obviously buzzed but he’ll lie & say he’s just smoking weed. Weed doesn’t bother me but I know he’s been drinking. I don’t even like being around him when he’s like that
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Hi Kimberly. I was so quick to respond on your thread on how my husband finally came around. Unfortunately, it didn’t stick. He’s back to drinking and lying about it. I can totally relate to not wanting to be around him. I find my husband’s actions and speech repulsive when he comes home from work. I can tell immediately and I get a pit in my stomach…like here we go again. I wish the best for the both of us.
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Sorry to hear that Lisa. I know he makes it hard for you and your daughter. It must be even harder after seeing how it could be when he keeps things on an even keel for a couple of weeks. So frustrating 
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I understand and truly feel for you. Anytime you wanna vent you know where to find me. 
I’m sorry you are going thru that too. My husband lies to me as well but I’m not stupid I know he’s drunk. At that point I’d rather him not come home & stay at his moms. His drinking buddy 
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