SO Awesome !!! Congratulations !!!
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Is that really a cake? Or just a pic?
Looks delicious if it’s the real thing.
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So proud of you!! You are such a powerful role model Olivia!!
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I think it’s someone’s cake. Unfortunately it’s not mine 
@Laraellelarissa your unicorn gifs are brilliant! Thank you!!! 
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D 455
Well… March has been eventful. Job plans going forward, finding a new apartment, a death in the family… So many things.
Being busy has maybe contributed in me thinking about sex a bit less than before. It’s still a slippery slope tho. Cravings come when you’re HALT or otherwise weak/not on top of your game.
It’s surreal that I’ve been clean this long.
Grateful and content about it.
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Olivia. You’re a rockstar you know
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I guess I jinxed myself with that previous post 
I had such strong cravings I was literally on a verge of a relapse for days. Although I didn’t pmo, I considered resetting, I felt so toxic. (I didn’t reset and a conversation about whether or not to do so isn’t relevant here.)
I’ve been “clean” for a good while but it’s still hard to know what is healthy and good for me/others. The things that go through my head steer my thinking and my desires and eventually my actions.
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D 569
This time next week, I will be in my new apartment. Moving is not fun tho. How can one person accumulate so much junk?? I don’t consider myself a hoarder, I’m more on the pragmatic side LOL.
Work is ok but it’s keeping me humble. There are so many things I have absolutely no clue about. I know I’m learning every day but it’s just frustrating me. At least my colleagues have more patience with me than I have with myself.
I’m having a hard time with my feelings and thoughts again. I’m lonely, sad and borderline hopeless. My life is quite pathetic when it comes to romantic relationships. I’m doing my best in recovery, self-love and I’m not in hiding anymore. Yet, it seems I’m beating a dead horse here.
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I’m taking a break from this place. Stay safe and sober.
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Be well, Liv. We’ll be here when you’re ready to come back. Much love to you.
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Take care 
Hey,
First of all thanks for sharing!
I much relate to the way you described how you think you’re unlovable. I also struggle alot with selfworth. Addiction and low self worth runs in my family.
I’ve also been bullied from 8 y/o till 17, where everyone continuously gone over my limits and didnt respect me in any way. My parents were also emotionally unavailable and I also saw porn first when I was 9. Literally the first part of the text could be written about me.
I’m now starting my journey of working on my selfworth and trying to find selfacceptance and selflove without needing anyone else. It will be a process of many years but I’m sure I can do it. I’ll have to do many things out of my comfort zone and stay clean of PMO and it will be far from easy. Again thanks dor sharing, It helps to remind me I’m not alone in this struggle.
Arno
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D 624
So I decided to pop in to see ppl here. Seems that I wasn’t missed much LOL.
I’m doing good! Many things have happened in a short time frame.
I moved into a new rental studio on 1st May. I love it! I have a balcony, a personal Finnish sauna adjacent to my bathroom, a brand new kitchen, a good layout etc. One of my neighbours smokes weed in their bathroom so I can smell it really well.
Disclaimers: Weed is not my doc, I have let the landlord know bc it’s illegal here, I’m not open for a weed discussion on my thread!!
I’m still working in the supermarket I’ve mentioned. I’m part time but getting paid. Occupational rehabilitation continues.
Also… I think I’ve found my unicorn 
Recovery is going good. I graduated from my years and years long therapy in June and I’m ok with it. It was time. I’m still looking for a support group and hopefully something will start after summer holidays. I’m not gonna be active on the forum bc… many reasons. I don’t really find peer support here (female pmo). I’m not getting what I need from reading about other docs any longer. Also, I have to say I’m tired of trying to fight for a safe place for me to be on the forum. I’m just done with that bs.
Summa summarum, I’m in a new season that started with so many changes my head is spinning. I’m not cutting ties with anyone here or anything. I’m just gonna be moving towards different things.
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I missed you! Happy to hear you’re doing well.
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You were missed for sure, don’t ever think you weren’t. It sounds like you are doing well and enjoying life. Yeah to that!!
I hear you on needing a different type of place/support. That’s understandable. This isn’t the right space for everyone, just like AA isn’t or mindfulness isn’t, etc.
Always a treat to see you around and hear how you are doing!
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I’m glad to see you! Sounds like you are in a good place, and are moving steadily towards the life you want. I am happy for you. Personal sauna sounds great, are they common in apartments?
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I missed you! Sounds like you have lots of good going on in your life… I am very happy for you. Hope you will pop in here and there and say hi just like you have here. Wishing you your dreams come true and much happiness and contentment.
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Hey there 
I’m happy you like your new crib.
It sounds like you are doing well. Glad you stopped by with an update.
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Thank you! They are more and more common in new apartment buildings, say if you have at least a 1 bedroom place. Up until late 90s they would just build a sauna in a basement for common use and you’d need to pay for a weekly time slot. Now that my work hours are totally irregular it makes life so much easier to have a personal sauna in my flat. Such luxury!!!
Good to see you too!
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Aww, how nice to see your avatar again LOL. How have you been? Didn’t you guys move too recently??
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