I’m so sorry to hear this Olivia 
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My condolences 
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My condolences, remember the good times and smiles together 
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Wow, I haven’t been updating my thread in ages, it seems! 
I’m currently on day 7. Yes, I relapsed with MO. I didn’t go to porn but it still wasn’t ok. My husband forgave me 
and I’ve been looking into why this happened.
Self hatred and self sabotage. I had other issues going on that I had not dealt with that day. I went in with a clear decision. I wanted the gratification. That’s scary. I don’t count relapse as a part of recovery, BUT if processed and evaluated it can be a valuable lesson. I certainly learnt things.
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You and i have talked about this. Needing the gratification, seeking a ‘release.’ knowing that the shame/guilt will come flooding in once were down. Self Hatred/Sabotage have plagued me my entire life. It’s a constant/daily battle to stay self away and communicate your needs. I’m happy that you told your hubby about your setback. I used to do that for years. But ive been hiding my issues for years which has only reinforced my self-hatred, which in turn pushes me to needing a ‘release’ which pushes me to P. The feedback loop of what we tell ourselves is killing us. And yet, i’m happy that you hit 7 days. I’ve learned to treat TS like a journal entry. I’ve journaled enough on my own and i need feedback from my fellow TS folk. You have a great day!
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1m 10d
Still here, still truckin. I got a permanent job in the store I’ve been working in as a temp for the last 18 months. Hours could be better but I can always take on extra shifts, so I’m not complaining. After a good long streak I’m having trouble sleeping again so I need to make adjustments. I hope I’ll bounce back to my regular rhythm quickly. First snow and freezing temps mean that winter is coming. It’s ok, tho, as long as it’s not horizontal sleet LOL.
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Congratulations on the job!!! Horizontal sleet = ouchy to the face!!!
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How are my fellow pmo addicts holding up?
11M 7D
I’m sitting on a rock, watching my husband fly his drone. He is a MAJOR photography/ filming geek. He has taken me to off road places to marvel the beauty of God’s creation. I’m loving the outdoors more and more.
We’ve been married for a bit over 2 years. I was reading through my old entries on this thread, particularly from the time when we started our relationship. My single days seem like a distant dream now. I love him but our marriage hasn’t been easy. I thought he had dealt with his past internal issues before we met but I was wrong. I’m glad he is doing it now although it is a slow process. I’m sometimes engulfed in despair and fear that things will never change and that we’ll end up parting ways (we’re not there yet). I’ve fallen into the trap of trying to change him, to save him from himself. We are both getting professional help and I have an army of church grandmas praying for us.
I want to see our marriage grow stronger. I want to see our mutual faith become more vibrant. I’m most attracted to Hubby when he is standing in the word of God. I want to see us victorious in the end of our lives by the grace of God.
Sobriety-wise I don’t have much to report. Being intimate with Hubby keeps me on the straight and narrow, but as we know, it’s not a guarantee. I still need to mind myself. Since this summer, I have a desire to support others. Whether it’s in my social circle, church ministry or something sobriety related, I don’t know yet. For the first time in years, I have a yearning to give.
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Hey friend.
Long time no read.
Nice to read ya.
Sorry to read there are struggles in your marriage.
I cherry picked this for ya.
Language of Letting Go
Owning Our Power
Many of us have someone in our life that challenges our ability to trust and care for ourselves.
When we hear that person’s voice or are in his or her presence, we may forget all we know about what is real, about how to own our power, about how to be direct, about what we know and believe to be true, about how important we are.
We give up our power to that person. The child in us gets hooked with a mixture of powerful feelings - love, fear, or anger. We may feel trapped, helpless, or so attracted that we can’t think straight. There may be a powerful tug of war going between feelings of anger and our need to be loved and accepted, or between our head and our heart.
We may be so enamored or intimidated that we revert to our belief that we can’t react or respond to this person any differently.
We get hooked.
We don’t have to stay under a spell.
We start by becoming aware of the people who hook us, and then accepting that.
We can force ourselves through the motions of reacting differently to that person, even if that new reaction is awkward and uncomfortable.
Search out our motivations. Are we somehow trying to control or influence the other person? We cannot change the other person, but we can stop playing our part of the game. One good way to do this is by detaching and letting go of any need to control.
The next step is learning to own our power to take care of ourselves, to be who we are free from their influence. We can learn to own our power with difficult people. It may not happen overnight, but we can begin, today, to change our self-defeating reactions to the people who have hooked us.
God, help me identify the relationships where I have forfeited my power. Help me unhook and begin owning my power.
All my Al-Anon can also be used in everyday kind of life things. This may not be you guys up above. I have learned I am powerless over
People
Places and
Things.
I’m glad you got other support at your church. I’ll put a word in for you too.
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Thanks for the update, Olivia! Always good to hear from you.
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Good to hear from you. I dont know where they get the “honeymoon period” from. The first two years were tough for me and hubby meshing our lives and working on communication and expectations. All that to say, its ok if it doesnt feel effortless. Thats a lie. Marriage is hard work. I hope you two find your way
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Wow. You have no idea… how much this hit home for me. Thank you.
@Cjp Miscommunication and contradicting expectations are such a huge deal in any relationship. My Hubby is able to verbalise his inner world but not when there’s a conflict. We are very different in that sense and it’s taken me time to realise it.
I was riding a pink cloud… From our engagement till the wedding 
So I hear you. But surely strong marriages are forged in fire.
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Like CJP said, those first years are a challenge. My Dad’s quote after my wedding was, “The first year is hard, but the 32nd is no piece of cake either”. We always laughed at that…..well, coming up on 25 years married later, we get it! 
Marriage is a choice you make every day.
That’s a very important realization. No humans are the same. It is okay to be / think / need / process differently. No one way is the right way (this applies to a lot!). 
In my experience, marriage, like life, has ups and downs, enjoy the easeful times and gather strength and loving memories for the less easeful times.
Like sobriety, when the going gets rough, remember your why…..why you chose this person. 
Burn baby burn!! 
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