Olivia all over the place

[Dazercat]

Hey friend.
Long time no read.
Nice to read ya.

Sorry to read there are struggles in your marriage.

I cherry picked this for ya.

Language of Letting Go

Owning Our Power

Many of us have someone in our life that challenges our ability to trust and care for ourselves.

When we hear that person’s voice or are in his or her presence, we may forget all we know about what is real, about how to own our power, about how to be direct, about what we know and believe to be true, about how important we are.

We give up our power to that person. The child in us gets hooked with a mixture of powerful feelings - love, fear, or anger. We may feel trapped, helpless, or so attracted that we can’t think straight. There may be a powerful tug of war going between feelings of anger and our need to be loved and accepted, or between our head and our heart.

We may be so enamored or intimidated that we revert to our belief that we can’t react or respond to this person any differently.

We get hooked.

We don’t have to stay under a spell.

We start by becoming aware of the people who hook us, and then accepting that.

We can force ourselves through the motions of reacting differently to that person, even if that new reaction is awkward and uncomfortable.

Search out our motivations. Are we somehow trying to control or influence the other person? We cannot change the other person, but we can stop playing our part of the game. One good way to do this is by detaching and letting go of any need to control.

The next step is learning to own our power to take care of ourselves, to be who we are free from their influence. We can learn to own our power with difficult people. It may not happen overnight, but we can begin, today, to change our self-defeating reactions to the people who have hooked us.

God, help me identify the relationships where I have forfeited my power. Help me unhook and begin owning my power.

All my Al-Anon can also be used in everyday kind of life things. This may not be you guys up above. I have learned I am powerless over
People
Places and
Things.

I’m glad you got other support at your church. I’ll put a word in for you too.

[SassyRocks]

Thanks for the update, Olivia! Always good to hear from you.

[Cjp]

Good to hear from you. I dont know where they get the “honeymoon period” from. The first two years were tough for me and hubby meshing our lives and working on communication and expectations. All that to say, its ok if it doesnt feel effortless. Thats a lie. Marriage is hard work. I hope you two find your way

[Olivia]

Wow. You have no idea… how much this hit home for me. Thank you.

@Cjp Miscommunication and contradicting expectations are such a huge deal in any relationship. My Hubby is able to verbalise his inner world but not when there’s a conflict. We are very different in that sense and it’s taken me time to realise it.

I was riding a pink cloud… From our engagement till the wedding So I hear you. But surely strong marriages are forged in fire.

[Dazercat]

[SassyRocks]

Like CJP said, those first years are a challenge. My Dad’s quote after my wedding was, “The first year is hard, but the 32nd is no piece of cake either”. We always laughed at that…..well, coming up on 25 years married later, we get it!

Marriage is a choice you make every day.

@Olivia

We are very different in that sense and it’s taken me time to realise it.

That’s a very important realization. No humans are the same. It is okay to be / think / need / process differently. No one way is the right way (this applies to a lot!).

In my experience, marriage, like life, has ups and downs, enjoy the easeful times and gather strength and loving memories for the less easeful times.

Like sobriety, when the going gets rough, remember your why…..why you chose this person.

@Olivia

But surely strong marriages are forged in fire

Burn baby burn!!

[Olivia]

1Y 4M 20D

Hi,

I have become a lurker on here. I read a bit almost daily but don’t have much to say tbh. Or simply choose not to get involved, lol.

What an absolutely shit six months since I last posted. I have had constant health problems, mostly due to work. I can’t keep working retail much longer, my body simply can’t take it. I’ll have a hand surgery hopefully in a couple of weeks. That’s the worst so far but there are so many other annoying little things.

I had to go back on anti-depressants in September. I thought I was coping but then life pushed me over the edge. I guess there wasn’t much space to breathe between struggling at home and at work. I got help but it took months before I started to see changes.

I’ve been going to the gym. Never thought I would. I’m not a frequent goer, maybe once a week. It has clear positive impacts on me on so many levels.

I reconnected with an old friend. Our friendship fizzled out years ago, and I always wondered whether that was the end end. I reached out recently and we’ve been catching up. It’s been cathartic.

As more time goes by, I realise that there really are only two ways to live this life. Either I trust fully into God’s ability to help me and my loved ones in our hardships or not at all. There was a time in my life when I did not trust Him. Not one bit. As a result, my mental health collapsed and took me almost into an early grave. So, for me, there is only way forward.

[Dazercat]

Hey Livy.
Glad you came out of lurking to share. I hope it helped. Good to read you. Sorry about your circumstances. Yikes! Hand surgery? Wifey has arthritis in both her thumbs. She’s holding out as long as she can. Sorry you’re facing that.

I’m happy you connected with an old friend. That’s nice.

God will be with you I’m sure of that.

I always have remember I have no control of people places and things. None! Bupkis!!
I can only control how I want to react.

Take care my friend

[Alisa]

It’s good to see you post. It seems like you have a lot of good mixed in with a lot of not so good. One step at a time. Wishing you the very best and that you will start having more good than not so good.

[Olivia]

@Dazercat Thank you for popping in. I have a compressed nerve on my right wrist aka carpal tunnel syndrome. The nerve needs to be released. It causes pain, pins and needles and muscle weakness. It could be worse, I could keep randomly dropping objects. Never had these issues before, my current job is the culprit. Sucks. At least we still have health care. Would surgery help your wife? Must be difficult, thumbs are such an essential part of anything we do.

@Alisa Thank you for your comment. It’s nice to see people care

[SassyRocks]

Sending some healing positive juju your way.

[Olivia]

1Y 4M 27D

You think you know yourself… but then you find yourself actually liking things you’ve sworn to hate.

“I WILL NEVER…” Famous last words.

I was convinced I would never enjoy hitting the gym. I tried it with a friend last summer and it’s been growing on me ever since. It’s oddly satisfying and crazy how quickly I started seeing results. I get an urge to go nowadays. It’s weird in a good way. I have a list of questions to my surgeon about post-op activities, like, when can I drive, when can I get a massage and when can I go back to the gym!?

On a side note, I did get a general letter of post-op wound care and such. It tells me, among other things, how long I have to wait before going to a sauna after surgery. That’s how embedded the sauna culture is in my country, lol.

Hubby has had blood pressure issues and he (read: we) had to go on a very low salt diet recently. I’m used to using salt a lot (not as much as my mom) so although I understood, it was hard to adjust. Or so I thought. Turns out, many dishes don’t actually need added salt! (We found out that gabbage stew is not one of them.) I’m baffled.

So, I’ve been doing surprise mental gymnastics of trying to wrap my head around these discoveries. Seemingly, some things are not set in stone. Life could be more interesting if I had an open mind. I’m CONSIDERING of taking an internal inventory of things I’ve said NOPE to in the past, but never actually tried. (No, blue cheese, you can go back into bio waste. There’s no redeeming you.) It’s a scary thought. It might be a can worms. But… maybe I like worms??

[Olivia]

1Y 5M

I woke up slowly this morning. Or kind of came to and dozed off, being half a sleep. I haven’t had porn-y thoughts in a long while let alone entertained them. This half-aware state has always been a red hot danger zone for me but not as much recently… until this morning. My mind dove right into the gutter and it’s so effed up that I’m not in control of that before I wake up fully. I didn’t act out but I was reminded, once again, that the lure hasn’t gone away. It waits patiently until my guards are down and pounces directly at the part of me that still likes it.

So here I am, holding myself accountable and speaking truth over my life. My sexuality is precious and beautiful. I am precious and beautiful.

[ICanAndWill]

I used to think porn was a beautiful lie. Then I learned the horrific statistics of human trafficking as well as the amount of addiction and suicide that’s involved. Then it became just a lie.

I hate liars, above all I hate bullies.

And that’s what porn and those who are in charge of the industry are: liars and bullies.

They steal lives, so many lives. They steal the actors lives and ultimately the addicts, too.

Sobriety is resistance. Sobriety is boycotting an inheritantly evil industry. Sobriety is advocating for those who are still chained into this evil.

That’s what I think about when I start to feel tempted.

I think about how we are all children of God. I think about how I would feel if I knew my family were trapped inside that world, and the lengths I would go to rescue them. I think about the person aspect. We aren’t objects, and that includes myself.

Normally, when I feel tempted, what I really need is a hug from God.

Good for you for continuing to stack your days! You inspire me!

[Olivia]

TW: medical procedure and meds.

So. I had my hand surgery yesterday. The experience was more painful and uncomfortable than I had expected. I really had to force myself to stay on the operating table.

Apparently, I experience pain quite acutely. What I was prescribed with was not enough, had to get a doc give me something stronger. I wish this part of the healing would be over quickly. I go now a minute by minute.

[Misokatsu]

I hope you feel better soon.

[Olivia]

It’s been 2 weeks since my op and I’m hopefully getting stitches removed tomorrow. I’m allowed light activity with the operated hand. I’m not able to peel vegetables or open tight lids, among other things. Only 3 of my digits are fully functional. The other 2 move but haven’t healed yet, which is normal at this stage.

I also caught the flu last weekend! Yay! I’m really getting my money’s worth of this sick leave, haha. I binged the entirety of a Netflix sci-fi “Travelers” in 2 days. That’s how bored I am. Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise, though. I might have decluttered our storage and overexerted my hand, had I not come down with this. That would definitely be on my bingo card. I miss exercising and the outdoors. It’s ok, though.

Edited to add: had the stitches removed, which is great. They started to hurt.

[Olivia]

1Y 6M 25 D

I think I’ve spent more time on sick leaves than at work this spring.

I went back to work finally, 4 weeks after my surgery. I was clearly on the mend. Yay.

This morning I went outside for a casual stroll. I was standing on a small rock, singing together with some birds. I put my foot forward to step down but misjudged most things, twisted my ankle and landed horizontally. Like c’mon, it was just a stupid little rock!! Well, I managed to hop back to our house (I wasn’t far away) and apply first aid before the foot got really bad. Got myself in and out of the A&E/ER in a record time ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON No fractures (thank God) but I still got a splint for the ankle and crutches, and… drum roll… MORE SICK LEAVE. Rather than calling my boss, I wanted to crawl under rock. Except that I kinda did that too lol.

Hubby has an unfailing wit and sense of humour. When we got back home, he said that “well, you’ve been saying you wish you could work less because you dislike the job so much. Enjoy.”

Hah, jokes on him. I can’t do much around the house so most of it will fall on him

[ICanAndWill]

Margaret Mitchell write Gone with the Wind because of an ankle injury. She was confined to her bed and wanted to pass the time. Little did she know she penned a literary classic (and banned book!).

Perhaps your HP is hitting you with a spiritual 2x4 to get you realigned with your destiny.

Hopefully the time spent resting will be fecund and formative in your life and sobriety!

[Olivia]

Thank you! I do sense a “gurl, you gotta slow down” thing going on