I’ve noticed a shift that’s been going on for a good while. I don’t crave porn or masturbation ATM. I’m way too focused on other parts of my life and our life together. It helps having action in the bedroom too, of course Although my addiction is not a constant struggle, I don’t want to forget to protect myself. I still need to be mindful of what I watch and what I entertain in my thoughts. I want to stay curious regarding Hubby and our intimacy. There are still mindsets that weigh me down sometimes.
2 years 11 months 5 days free, that is so amazing. I can’t wait to say i have 1 year free let alone almost 3 years! What has been your mental process to get there? Any specific tools you use that help you?
My recovery is a combination of things, as it often is.
sexual therapy
peer support (this forum)
telling some trusted friends about my addiction (I sensed clearly that’s what I needed to do).
defining values; porn is a violation of human rights and I don’t want to support it.
seeing what I actually crave when my mind steers me towards masturbation.
teaching myself new coping mechanisms and establishing boundaries (not watching sex saturated films, e.g.)
being brutally honest about my mental state, being vulnerable, open and honest. Addiction thrives in secrecy.
personally I’ve benefited from the day counter. I’ve been on a verge of a relapse so many times and the counter has pulled me back. No fucking way I want to reset it LOL.
being mindful daily. I don’t struggle as much as I did in the beginning but I still come and read every day.
Thank you so much for posting this. It really let’s me know that picking myself up 1000 times, i’m finally on the right path. I’ve spelled out on other chats my process (pmo) chat, so i wont bore you with all of that. But something you said really struck me deep: Porn is a violation of human rights, and you wont support it. That needs to sit deep in my brain for recall forever. I love that. And it’s 1000% FACTS.
seeing what I actually crave: That’s another one. What am i actually craving??? Porn is a dopamine addiction, essentially i’ve been a drug addict most of my life (though i’ve never done an actual drug in my life). It’s why i can’t be on social media (other than this site), i can’t have internet on my phone. For me, it’s just too many wired circuits that if i’m at certain sites, in certain locations(bathrooms), and i do this over and over, it tells my brain, let’s get dopamine at the worst source and who cares what it is we just need it all and right now.
Today is day 49. This counter feels different than every counter i’ve ever had because the ‘systems’ are in place and i’m locked in. But i literally can’t act like it’s all good cause it’s not. Any day, i could just start acting like others, get on social media or youtube and all my work is reset. I just dont want to reset. I’ve been married 21 years, baptized 30 years, and i’ve been unfaithful most of these years. I’ve never cheated on my wife, i’ve never flirted with anyone not named my wife, it’s just this STUPID PROBLEM i’ve dealt with since i was 8/9 years old.
Addiction does thrive in secrecy, totally agree. I have 2 sponsors that i’m completely open with (other than this site).
Sorry this was a wrong reply, i just really appreciated your response.
It’s tricky with the internet and social media. I don’t have accounts on any platforms other than this but that’s mainly bc I spend way too much time browsing.
Physical reboot sometimes helps with cravings. Doing sweaty exercise, going for a swim (our waters are usually cool or cold), cycling crazy uphill… whatever works yano.
Swimming is everything for me. I leave work everyday and head straight for the gym to swim. It really is a mental safeguard for me. Today is day 50, and i’ll treat myself to something delicious for lunch. Next celebration, day 75, then day 100. But one day at a time!
3y 2m 13d
I’m long due for an update LOL. Christmas is busy time at work. People stock up food and stuff. I’ve never really had Christmas decorations (not my favourite holiday) but this year I decided it was time to get some. I’m on lookout for unicorn ornaments for our Christmas tree which is still in the woods lol. I hung lights to a little thuja (eastern red cedar whatever) in our backyard.
I don’t think about my addiction much nowadays. I still come here almost daily. I’m puzzled, tho. Should I just keep living like I do and embrace a season where my addiction isn’t causing troubles? Am I too careless and setting myself up for a relapse? Am I creating problems where there aren’t any? So many rhetorical questions lol.
Otherwise, married life is nice. He does push my buttons but I’m also learning to pick my battles and let go.
The family matriarch, my elderly great aunt, passed away today. She lived to see 89 years. I loved her. She was full of kindness, wisdom, care and faith in God. She based her life on prayer.
Although my addiction is not a constant struggle, I don’t want to forget to protect myself. I still need to be mindful of what I watch and what I entertain in my thoughts. I want to stay curious regarding Hubby and our intimacy. There are still mindsets that weigh me down sometimes.
they grow up so fast
