“once an addict always an addict”

Advice & Questions
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43

Sure thing, over the past 4+ years, my recovery plan has included…

Being very active and engaged with the following apps/communities …

Talking Sober
Reddit r/stopdrinking
Women for Sobriety (WFS)
Soberistas
She Recovers

Putting myself to bed early and often in the early days…sleep, blessed sleep

Staying active and moving emotions thru my body in various ways… bicycle riding, HIIT fitness classes, hatha yoga, walking, running, hiking

Learning to self soothe my nervous system with yin yoga and yoga nidra; as well as quiet walks or bicycle rides to clear my mind

Meditation and sleep meditations to quiet, soothe and center me

No wine in the house ever

In the early days actively avoiding situations where alcohol was the focus

Journaling

Hot epsom baths or soaking in the hot tub (especially helpful when anxious)

Drinking a LOT of LaCroix / water

Antidepressants and anti anxiety meds when needed to help me thru some rough patches

Reading and rereading a LOT of sober memoirs/novels (there is a great list of them on here).

Reading books on sobriety/recovery/healing trauma. (currently have 5 books I read snippets of daily)

Keeping a list of how I want to live my life/what sobriety offers…I keep it on my phone and when I start thinking, hey, maybe just one glass of wine, I read my list and remember how desperate and unhappy drinking made me. Here is some of that list…

*No hangovers ever!!

*Treating my husband with respect and no drunk fighting

*Self respect gets a major boost

*No more internal conflict about drinking and if/how can I cut down or stop

*Restful restorative uninterrupted sleep!!!

*Major pride in myself and all that I have and can accomplish

*A sense of peace and calm

*No more embarrassment and shame because of my behavior

*Forgiving myself for past mistakes and terrible judgement

*No wondering what I did or how I hurt husband or others while drunk

*No treating people I love, including myself, poorly while drunk

*No drunk driving and possibly hurting self or others or jail

*No upset stomach from drinking

*No anxiety and near constant agitation when hungover

*No dark suicidal thoughts

*No shame around neighbors if I was loud and yelling or loud music

*No blackouts ever

*No overwhelming shame at my behavior

*No oversharing with strangers while drunk or making plans I will need to cancel

*Not having to check my phone in the middle of the night to delete social media posts - no drunk texting/emails/posts/calls

*Not be bloated and puffy and look haggard

*Major pride in myself and a boost in self esteem

*No hangovers ever again

*No more excuses or lies or thievery

*Peace of mind

Mostly, I found this app when I needed it most and have strayed away often over the earlier years, but kept returning because it reminds me of what I gladly, proudly fought so hard to let go of.

I continue to be active on this app, journal, stay physically active, meditate, read sobriety lit, eat relatively healthy foods, drink lots of water, utilize lots of self care and love…giving myself readily the love and care that I could not when I was actively using.

I probably forgot some stuff…but those are the basics of my recovery program. :heart:

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44

I really like how you expressed this, thanks for this helpful point of view.

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45

Just out of interest, do you drink moderately ? New member sorry if it offends - just interested with the SMART approach - first I’ve heard of it

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I used to have major problems with this, I tried to deny my addiction even when not using despite all evidence to the contrary. I saw myself as filthy and evil as an addict and I did not want to be one (although I had all the compassion in the world for other addicts).

I hid my NA literature away in a drawer in case anyone saw it and figured out that I was an addict. I tried to go on as normal, I didn’t work any kind of a program, even SMART, because I wouldn’t acknowledge my program.

I started drinking despite knowing from NA that alcohol was a drug, period, and I wasn’t really clean and sober if I was drinking. Still I kept my old clean date even though it was now a lie a million times over.

Well the drinking and no program and not acknowledging my disease led to a relapse on meth.

Since then (73 days) I have been going to a NA meeting a day, also checking this forum daily. I meet great people who just happen to have the same disease I do. They are addicts. I am an addict. There is no shame in being an addict!

While I do respect other’s opinions on the subject, I myself will always be an addict, have to do those things that keep active addiction at bay. I can recover! It’s like managing diabetes or another chronic illness.

I will do my damndest not to lie, deny, or forget my disease and ask my Higher Power for a daily reprieve. One day at a time.

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47

You do the things everyone should be doing, even “normies”.

I was at a convenience store the other day, and saw a giant man loading up his arms with bottles of pepsi…blue label, full sugar. He also had a large fountain soda with ice. Safe bet it wasn’t diet soda. I watched him walk (with a limp) to get in line to pay. I got in line behind (at the prescribed social distance). He was obese from the crown of his head, right down to his feet. His left leg was three times the size of his right leg, swollen with edema. My heart was sad for this man.

If I had to guess, he’s mid-to-late 30’s, 6’3" and 400-500 lbs, and no doubt a type-2 on the way to an early death. That soda addiction is going to kill him one day.

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48

Well….I fully believe that I will always be an alcoholic….but that doesn’t mean I will always be a drunk. As long as I keep saying no to the drink that maters (the first drink) I will be good. But as soon as I take 1 drink I will be back to being a dumbass drink.

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49

Amazing! Thank you for the detailed response. The list is a great idea and something I will look at for myself.

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50

I completely agree. The idea that if always crave a drink after say 10 years of sobriety does my head in.

As you described I want to think I’ll get to a place where not drinking is just like breathing for me

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51

I will always be an alcoholic. I will always have an addictive personality but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing if i don’t let it. Addicts brains are wired differently so there is some truth to that statement. Recovery is learning about yourself, connecting with your mind and body. I’ve never been so connected to myself as i am now. I did miss alcohol for quite a while but i no longer miss it, it doesn’t sound appealing at all to me anymore. Best wishes

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52

This, over and over again.

I think of us as all patients with a disease. We come into recovery with different stages of illness, just like caner. Some of us can become “cancer free” and others are living the rest of their lives watching over their shoulder as the disease rears it ugly head over and over. I honestly don’t think it is for lack of trying or effort in some of our lives. I think we are just sicker people.

I do not forsee myself dodging bullets with substances for the rest of my life nor do I see myself struggling daily to apply spiritual principles in my life but I do feel that I will always be announcing myself as an “addict” when I am asked to share at meetings. All the things Dan listed (Hoof), all that negative shit… we need to change that. The stigma around the word “addict” is bad. Running away from a stigma because of the negativity that is attached to it, negativity that WE were part of creating is bullshit. That’s just my opinion of course.

I am an addict, I do not see that ever changing.
I have been running from my truth my whole life.

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53

Very well said about cancer

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54

Great post! Breaking the stigma is one of the best things we can do to help another addict. Before I got sober I had such fear of judgement that I refused to seek any type of help. I was afraid of how I was going to be judged by my peers (I was an attorney). I was afraid of admitting my problem to anyone. Eventually my train wreck of a life caught up with me and addiction took all the things I was afraid seeking help would take.

3 rehabs and a new career later I’ve made a point to be very public with my recovery. I’ve done videos, news interviews and public speaking engagements. But the thing I’m proudest of is my chance to speak at our new employee orientation at my agency. I’m in a pretty high position at my agency and hopefully my story helps erase the stigma.

I know this post seems very much like bragging but I think it’s appropriate for this thread. I will be an addict forever but I don’t have to be the down and out junkie I once was.

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@anon57836609…I absolutely agree with you. Very well said and Amen to happily changing and becoming the second addict. Celebrating 1 year sober on 10-22-21 :heart:

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Great post yourself, I too had and have professional concerns. I had been an RN for 10 years in palliative care when I began using drugs to deal with workplace trauma (and my own life traumas). Eventually I was caught and reported, ended up resigning my licence because by then had transferred my addiction from IV opiates to meth pills and couldn’t get clean. Still haven’t been able to get it back (or stay clean, I have 73 days now that’s it).

I attend a support and accountability group for Healthcare Professionals once a week consisting of Dr’s, Nurses, Pharmacists, Veterinarians, and anything related all with addiction problems. There are at least 40 of us in a city of 400000. The Dr who runs that group also runs one for lawyers and maybe teachers and police.

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57

They say addiction is a disease, but some diseases can be cured (and some can’t).

Personally I have real trouble with this ‘once an addict always an addict’ statement… either it’s a cop out OR i’m not a real addict.

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You expressed it very well, it’s all the same for me. :+1::pray:

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I don’t like it because it invites a victim mentality. Yes, you can be an addict, and it can be very hard to change, but your brain is plastic. It can be healed and changed. Yes that pathway of your addiction will always be there, but the brain can grow over it and your/our weaknesses can be made strengths.

Once an addict, always an addict? No.
Once an addict, recovered and healed? Yes.

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60

Il have to do some research about SMART recovery not heard of it before as an alternative to AA
Thanks

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61

I wouldn’t look at it as an alternative because they make it clear they are not in competition with AA nor think you can’t get something from both.

It’s just a more self empowering approach in terms of the language and tools used imo.

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62

Thank you for pointing out to me that its not an alternative, not sure why i didnt think of trying out both!!
My brain is slowly getting back to normal…hehehe

I was 8 years sober then a year and a half ago i lost that but back to 19 days now and find this app and the welcoming friendly people have really helped.

Thanks again

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