Welcome Nessa 
You’ve been through so much. So much. No one should have to go through that.
But you can overcome. You can get what you need. It starts with searching, or, as you say,
That’s what will lead you to success.
Have you tried a meeting? For a lot of people they are helpful. It’s a community of people who understand, and that means so much. There’s online meetings Online meeting resources and in person meetings (and lots of resources and podcasts and books) here Resources for our recovery
Hang out here on Talking Sober too. There is so much here, so many interesting people and interesting threads. Welcome home!