Men can be a little silent sometimes (which incidentally is related to the imbalance I mentioned above - men are under-socialized for emotional self-awareness; it’s something they have to learn). Give him time. I would say as long as he’s honest and loyal, and you’re safe, then you’re ok. In the meantime you have some connecting time with your daughter, which is wonderful
You said she’s 11 months right? That’s just a few months younger than my niece. What a wonderful age. Is she hustling and crawling now? I remember my niece got crawling so fast she could jet across the living room floor before we could catch her!
Haha yeah she’s everywhere!! I love it. I love being her mom even though sometimes I’m like aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh. I remind myself that she’s just exploring
Yes she is. There’s a reason they’re so flexible at that age. Never know where they’re gonna end up I’m happy for you. Enjoy this time in all its messy healthy growth and exploration. She’s a wonderful girl and you’re a good mom. Be happy about that
Chore list…great idea.
And he’s a new patent, too. So may not feel confident in his ability to take care of little one. Somehow, you’ve got to let him do that. It might not be perfect, but who cares. Two of our 3 sil are the sah dads and do a great job. You can work this out together. Barter a happy sober home for more support. Just keep your cool, make a list together, so you’re not dictating and becoming the mother to bf. Try to get some date night going and that me time you need.
Don’t drink today. Not today, one day at a time. Wish I could pop in to do the dishes or watch the wee one for a bit.
Right on. That sharing responsibilities, and trusting that people (bf) are sincere & he’s perfectly fine keeping the baby safe his way, and everyone is learning and we’ll be ok - that is so important. One thing men don’t often get exposure too, is how to be with kids. They’re finding their footing. Trust that he’s a good dad - and you’ll find he’ll find his way
As a father of two young children I’m curious to know (aside from Breastfeeding) what exactly a father can’t do that a mother can? Does your statement apply to gay couples as well. A father is every bit as capable of offering love and affection to their children. My wife and I work opposite schedules, with her working overnights. On the days where she works I am responsible for 100% of the day to day parenting and I love every second of it.
You got some really great advice already. I just wanna add that I was in your shoes and ended up at marriage counseling over these exact issues. The counselor had to drill into me that things can wait. The house doesn’t always have to be spotless clean. Prioritize and do what you can. If there are toys laying around and laundry that didn’t get done, then leave it for another day. As long as everyone is fed and bathed, you’re good. My husband and I worked opposite shifts so he had no choice but to pitch in with necessities. He would slack on weekends, when we were both home, knowing I’d pick up the pieces. These young years go by so quick, and you don’t wanna miss them because you were too focused on cleaning. Relax and enjoy your baby as much as you can.
A father is a father, and a mother is a mother and they are designed to work as a team, as a family. There is a the difference between men and women. Men and women teach children differently and love just as much, but differently.
I have given this some more thought. Breastfeeding is not the only thing a woman can do that a man cannot do. A woman becomes pregnant and carries a baby inside of her body until it is born. and she goes through the labor and the pain then has that baby come through her body and become a human being on its own. That creates a relationship between a mother and a child that a dad can be there for, to be a part of, but never have the same experience. I gave birth to two children and nobody else in this entire world will have that experience or the relationship that I have with my adult children. They are adults now but I carried them, grew their bodies inside of mine, and watched them come into this world through my body.
That’s exactly what I’ve always wondered because I feel the same way. But I guess some guys just can’t apply themselves to that role?
Your a great husband kuddos to you!!!
Wow that is a very interesting fact/thought. Yeah your totally right. Dang us women are freakn AMAZING! But it’s just that, if we have 2 go through all of that and still afterwards have to do everything else with the child for the child and STILL have to do all of the cleaning and cooking and laundry. It’s like come on man help me out here. He just tells me that I’m SUPER WOMAN and that " I GOT THIS" it’s like no mother fudger I don’t got this I’m exhausted but IT HAS TO GET DONE, IF I DON’T DO THIS WHO WILL???
Thank you for that comment. You got a point there!! I know I’ve always been like that (with the cleaning) like I just really dislike a messy unorganized home. Like I just can’t deal with it not being clean. But yeah your right I have to be PRESENT and forget about the small stuff.
That’s funny because I’ve seen plenty of moms abandon their kids and I’ve seen plenty of gay guys raise amazing kids.
This quote right here has nothing to do with birthing or breastfeeding the child. This is pure ego thinking that women are a superior parent based solely on their gender. And that may be your uninformed opinion, but it’s nothing more. I can 100% give the same type of ‘motherly’ care to my child as my wife.
Like I said some dads just can’t apply themselves like you can. You sound very determined and that’s great. Can I ask your age? I think that has a lot to do with it as well.
You are definitely right. I try to be a good example for my friends who don’t have kids. Hopefully your man realizes he needs to step up. I am almost 35. Sober for over 2.5 years. When I was still drinking and drugging I couldn’t take care of a pet rock. However, now that I am a dad my sponsor has included me being present for my family as part of my 9th step.
