This time last year I was waking up with that all too familiar feeling. Dread, anxiety, shame, piecing together what the fuck I did last night and how I got home. I remember phoning my boyfriend at 1am, in a bar on my own, crying my eyes out having lost my bag with my money and keys in. We had started the afternoon with a picnic in the sunshine, a couple of beers. Then I got rum. Then we argued. Then I went out drinking.
It wasn’t my most embarrassing drunken story, not the most vulnerable situation I’ve put myself in or the most I’ve inconvenienced someone else. But it was the time that, after working out where I’d been and finding my stuff for me, my boyfriend asked if I thought it might be worth taking a break from drinking. I remember this wave of relief run over me and I just said yes.
I didn’t drink every day. I didn’t do recreational drugs any more. Good job, good citizen blah blah blah. Still, I knew I didn’t want to carry on like this. But the thought of not drinking was absolutely terrifying - would people like me? What would I do at the weekend? On holiday? With friends? What would people say? And countless other hypothetical situations.
Over the last year I have lived many of those hypothetical situations (although many of them never materialised). They’ve all been fine. My life is different now, I go out less but I do more. I have enough money to do things that I enjoy and remember. I have worked out who my friends are and who were just drinking buddies. I go to bed early and wake up with the birds. I’ve had my 30th birthday. Completed a 34 mile walk in a day on my own. Went on holiday to the South of France and had an amazing time. Lost some weight (put a bit back on ). Made mince pies without brandy in. Driven to gigs, parties and restaurants. Been able to get drunk friends home safely. Let go of some commitments that had become too much for me. Gave up smoking. Went to the doctor for help with my depression.
A year seems like forever and also no time at all. I don’t have clarity on where I’m going with my life or how things will turn out. I know I’ve made good progress but that there’s so much more to do. One day at a time!
This forum has been such a big help. I am truly grateful for you all sharing your experiences, your successes and your struggles
Happy Soberversary @siand. You’re an amazing woman and you’ve done so terrifically well. You have achieved so much and helped so many on your way. I hope you have a wonderful day. If I was there, I would buy you a whole tub of Haagen Daas salted caramel ice cream (two spoons of course! ).
Congratulations! A year is such a huge milestone.
Before I saw your post I was thinking about where I will be and what will have changed within a year of being sober. You’re right, it seems like forever but goes by quicker than we realize.
I am inspired by your success.
That sounds amazing. I hope this time next year I can say the same. I want to live and explore and remember and smile. I want rid of anxiety and self loathing and guilt. I want serenity when possible.
Can I ask did your relationship last the distance?
That sounds amazing. I hope this time next year I can say the same. I want to live and explore and remember and smile. I want rid of anxiety and self loathing and guilt. I want serenity when possible.
Can I ask did your relationship last the distance?
Thanks so much @Peace12 that’s really kind of you. And thanks for working through the Action for Happiness with me, will look forward to keeping on checking in!
I find it so hard to anticipate what will happen in a month, let alone a year! The best piece of advice I got on this forum and it’s something that I’m sure you’ve seen a lot too, is just take it one day at a time. They soon add up!
I am so happy for you. Having hit mine a week ago I’m still in awe that I did it. It’s so neat hearing your story. Now you too can raise your hand showing tjat the program works.
Yep we are still together. Been with him since I was 15! We were both wreckheads for a while. He stopped drinking for a while in his mid 20s and now drinks sensibly.
Thanks Chad. I know it’s just the start of the journey but it definitely feels like an achievement and one I wouldn’t have thought possible at one time
I think my favourite change is having the financial freedom to do things I enjoy. I know that sounds materialistic but I have done things like a yoga retreat, spa day, belly dance workshops without having to juggle things or go down to the wire each month.
I’m still working on the emotional side of things. I think my depression was always there to some degree but not having that release of getting blackout drunk has made me confront it. I wouldn’t say that’s my favourite thing because it sucks, ha, but I can recognise that it’s good that I’m in a place now where I’m ready to try and put that work in.
). Made mince pies without brandy in. Driven to gigs, parties and restaurants. Been able to get drunk friends home safely. Let go of some commitments that had become too much for me. Gave up smoking. Went to the doctor for help with my depression.
. You’re an amazing woman and you’ve done so terrifically well. You have achieved so much and helped so many on your way. I hope you have a wonderful day. If I was there, I would buy you a whole tub of Haagen Daas salted caramel ice cream (two spoons of course! 
).
A year is such a huge milestone.