19 hours is great but maybe stop setting goals and just be sober for today…i think goals add unnecessary pressure…head on the pillow sober tonight is all that matters for today then repeat…make sure you are getting your basics down…are you eating? Hydrating? B Vitamins are great too, treat yourself with compassion and keep reaching out here as you have been because we are stronger together…sending hugs 
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I keep forgetting that I should do that! I should say though, that this time it’s easier than the last time. Not physically. Physically it’s hell, but mentally. It’s because evey time I want to stop trying, like right now, I just come here and read the life in recovery or relapse posts and think better of it. Thanks for being here and caring 
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There’s also a topic called “Checking in daily to maintain focus”. I seem to be tech-challenged this morning and can’t figure out how to link it, but that’s a topic for EVERYONE to post when your goal is to simply stay focused on sobriety with all you’ve got.
Keep going, one day at a time, one hour at a time. Can you get out for some movement and sunshine today? That’s always a way to feel better, and it may distract you. Far away from any place triggering, of course. If necessary, can you call someone to walk and talk with you so you’re not in your head all the time?
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Thats the difference and its a big difference- the benefit and support of a community of people who understand what this is like…i wouldnt and couldnt be sober without these lovely people here 
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Your the one who’s gotta feel the feels but help is everywhere and none of us have to do this alone. I don’t know what your doc is but there are meetings for pretty much everything these days online and in real life, these people want to help. If that’s not for you right now then stay on this community and share your thoughts, read lots. I lived on here for months hours at a time bc left alone with my own thoughts was nothing but trouble. Help is everywhere but first we have to admit we need it and second be humble enough to ask.
I’ll sit and listen to you any time you want, we all will 
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I could not agree with this more…we have to ask and allow ourselves to be helped in the first instance…
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Stay sober today and let tomorrow take care of itself. That’s how I got through my first weeks and months and even today.
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I agree with the wisdom of others…there is so much less pressure when I focus on this moment…staying sober this moment. Tomorrow is not here. What we truly have is right now.
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Hi @erntedank ! I hope you’re doing well 
Thank you so much for checking up on me! I’m doing much better than the last time. I’ve made a little checklist now and I’ve written down little tips that I’ve read here and there in community posts. The most important thing is the one day at a time thing. One hour at a time actually. I didn’t take that to heart at first, but I’m really trying that now. I also check off the hours on a piece of paper. I know the app does the same thing but paper feels better for some reason. I’m thinking of getting a little journal just for this. I really couldn’t do this without this lovely community. It’s fast becoming my favorite place.
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Journaling is fantastic for a variety of things. The forum does have a journal feature, but I like paper…I am older and old school. Plus it is a good legacy for my children and grandson to read if they are interested. Humans, being. 
This place was instrumental for me in early sobriety. After a bazillion day ones and years filled with self loathing, the community support and knowledge helped me find my footing. So glad you are here.
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Thank you so much
Also, it’s a lovey idea to leave our journals for the next generation!
It’s so good to hear I’m not the only one with an excessive number of day ones. Each one leaves me more guilty and less motivated, but then I come here and it all gets better somehow. For now, I’ll just finish today and hope that there will never be another day one.
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Hi @Soli Wanna check on you - how are you doing?
By the way: journaling pen to paper is a great idea, I do it myself a lot
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Hi @erntedank thank you for asking. I hope you’re having a great day. I’m ashamed to say that I had to tap that reset button again… I just couldn’t do it. But I started again. I just don’t know how to cope if I don’t shut down my brain. But I’m working on it. At least I “reset” and didn’t give up all the way. And I’ve seen two other ‘serial reseters’ here today which made me feel like less of a failure because it seems like part of the process, maybe; in any case I don’t think feeling like a failure is very helpful at the moment so I’ve decided not to feel that way. Journaling is very helpful but I’m thinking maybe I should find a new hobby. I’m thinking of rock climbing which is something I’ve always wanted to do. I’ve promised myself to go for it once I hit the 30 day mark. Maybe that’ll work as an incentive.
I apologize for the long reply. I didn’t know how to make it shorter
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You’re in the right place. Keep trying and keep cominh back. The first few days were the hardest for me because I was feeling like death warmed up and wanted a drink to get relief from the symptoms. It’s hard, but not impossible.
This thread has some excellent advice about getting through those first few days without alcohol as a crutch.
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Procrastination is the addicts greatest excuse / enemy, we are always going to give up tomorrow or next Monday when so and so happens. How about you don’t have a 30 day incentive and instead have a 24 hour goal to put your head on the pillow clean and sober at the end of the day. In the meantime start rock climbing today instead of picking up your drug of choice, do anything you can think of today instead of pick up your doc. We get sober by taking ACTION not by taking our time.
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For myself, feeling like a failure was part of what kept me in that cycle. Low (no) self esteem, no self respect or love. I just felt so incredibly broken and like WHY CAN’T I DO THIS? It took a long time. Being here helped a lot. Reading other people’s experiences (on here and in quit lit) helped a lot. Taking each day as it came, each minute if needed, helped. Going for walks when craving, sleeping, coming on here, whatever it took. It is not easy at the beginning, it is really hard. But we CAN do hard things. 
I kept a list on my phone of why I was quitting…why I didn’t want to wake up and feel that way ever again. I would read it over and over (and it was long) when I thought I needed to drink again…to remind me of the reality of the mess of my life.
We really can get sober and heal the pain inside. Please fight for yourself. You deserve a healthy healing happy life.
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The desire for self annihilation is something I relate to a lot. For me, it stemmed from childhood trauma and I found it really helpful to work through that in counselling. Is that something you have access to? Also, AA meetings are helpful, as it’s a group of people who will just listen and never judge you. The support I’ve felt at AA is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.
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I’m writing this here as record for myself really. I relapsed again…
Tonight I’m going to give my debit card and any cash I have in the house to my mother so that she can keep them at her house and I’ll ask her not to give them to me no matter what I say. If I have no access to money then I can’t be tempted when I walk by the store. A week or two of this should do the trick, I think. And I’m not going to leave the house this entire week which I can do since I freelance anyway. I won’t be able to order anything online either. I’m going to transfer all the money from my account to my mother’s. There’s no other way.
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I’m rooting for you!
From my perspective, that’s a tough spot to put her in. When that urge gets to you, that’s conflict waiting to happen. It could impact you more.
What about a joint account with her, that way she can see your purchases and call you out on it that way?
You can also make your debit card not work at ATMs and only for purchase in store, so the tracking is there.
For me, the first few days I was buying a ton of take-out. Sharing with the people in my home, breaking bread.
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