Our Brains and Recovery

Knowledge
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Thanks for the reply!

Yep … Parent of two young girls and I know all too well that thought cycle. I told myself that once I’d walked them down the aisle it would be ok cause they wouldn’t need me … They are 3 and 5!! Crazy some of the thoughts …

That said, there is a book called Suicide as an Addiction by Jon Garlinghouse. I didn’t know it existed until after I’d come to the same thought. Was refreshing to see someone with a PhD saying the same thing though.

I’ll not risk any triggers for anyone currently going through a hard time but if you would like to talk more, just send me a private.

Great topic and great to see so many involved in it!

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Thanks a bunch for the offer to talk more. I appreciate it. That offer extends to you as well. Thank you for your insight and the book suggestion. :slightly_smiling_face:

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I changed the name of this thread to Our Brains and Recovery. In addition to neuroplasticity, there’s so much more we can add to this discussion. :seedling::sunny:

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This yours?
Thanks for changing the title.
I might look at it now. That other title scared the shit out of me :rofl: I was avoiding it like the plague.
Got to keep it simple of this guy.
Neuroplasticity ?? Thought it was a salad :rofl:

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Bahahaha! :rofl: Yes, this is nerdy me here. :nerd_face:

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Looks like there are some interesting reads on here. I’ll check it out now.
:pray:t2::heart:

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I’m reading a new book, The Body Keeps the Score, but with life being a bit crazy right now, it’s taking a while. Once I’m done, I’ll tell y’all about it here. :blush:

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I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently, and I’m grateful that for the most part I think in gray. Of course, there are those definite wrongs which usually come in the form of wrongs against living things and rights, but I’ve found that thinking in gray causes me to be much more understanding and empathetic, much more able to see many aspects of a situation or another’s view.

At times, it’s also really annoying. Some part of me wants to see the wrong or the “bad” in something (rarely a person), and I simply can’t do it. My parents both have cognitive dissonance, and although it can be frustrating when talking to them, I also understand that they are deeply religious and heavily influenced by their pastors and their religious beliefs. Gray thinking keeps me from falling into the traps of cognitive dissonance and confirmation bias (which none of us can fully escape).

Anywho, this is something I’ve been thinking about and wanted to share. I’m going to add a couple articles on the subject, but there are many more that you can research. It’s an interesting way of thinking.

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One more…

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Oooooh I love this. What a fascinating concept!

I’m always leery of anything that sounds like black/white, up/down, one-way-or-the-other, binary thinking.

It’s so funny you posted this today because I was reflecting about exactly this on my drive to work this morning.

What is it that’s so tempting about binary thinking?

It’s safe. Thinking in binaries feels safe. We feel less vulnerable, less exposed.

If I’m right and you’re wrong, things are simple. I know what I am and what I should do, and I know you’re not that.

But if there’s merit in what you may be asking - and merit also in the unknown questions, the unknown facts, that I haven’t even heard yet - I have to work on a healthy openness and receptivity that is at times emotionally intimidating.

It’s intimidating to have to make emotional space for an idea (and the unpredictable people and behaviours and events who may come with that idea). It’s like having people over for Christmas. How am I going to host them? There’s so much cleaning to do! There’s so much to do to make this space open and welcoming for them. (And the same is true when I’m entering another person’s intellectual space: I have to be a good guest!)

Binaries feel (deceptively) safe. But they are a shield for deeper, unexplored questions about who we are and what matters to us.

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I have always told people I thought in shades of grey. You could put me in a room with someone with completely different beliefs and views from my own and I’d be able to see their side and have empathy and understanding.
In a world that seems to be very black and white right now, I’m grateful for people who think in shades of grey. Who ask why. Who say I don’t know.
Thanks for posting these :yellow_heart:

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Because we’re not really having to come up with thoughts that belong solely to us. We like things to be simple, and we don’t want to even consider a gray area. I believe it also stems from a need to belong. I always LOVE your input, Matt. I appreciate your honesty and wise thoughts.

I’ve beat myself up mentally for not being able to take a certain stance on some issues, but I just can’t. Oftentimes I see several stances that could be taken.

But overall, I must say I’m glad to think in shades of gray. We’re prisms. Our lives are prismatic. How boring would my life be if I went along with collective unconsciousness? :upside_down_face:

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Exactly how I am! :blush: Do you sometimes feel “guilty” for not being able to reach some sort of certainty on an issue? I’ve gone through that.

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@Matt This article is super interesting. :nerd_face:

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Hmm I don’t know that I feel guilty about it. But rather that I will never really reach certainty on any issue. That things are fluid and they change. I like the process of learning and evolving. I think it allows me to have a open heart which I’d take over certainty any day :yellow_heart:

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Guilty may not be the right term. :upside_down_face: So many people think that “being heard means being right”. Even though I think in shades of gray, I do have some opinions, but I also know there can be thousands of views. What makes mine right? Nothing. Unless I have actual, uncontested facts, absolutely nothing.

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I totally agree. I’m a very opinionated person but have always been good at putting myself in others shoes. ( debate team nerd :nerd_face:) I think the special thing about us “grey thinkers” is that sometimes we touch a binary thinker- and they say hey maybe there’s validity in the other side as well. They may not change their belief or mindset but it lets a bit of empathy or open mindedness in. We don’t have to all be the same to accept and love eachother.
I love this subject haha I could talk about it all day :upside_down_face:

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“ the colorless light that is our identity before it becomes refracted through our perceptions”
There’s the nail on the head right there :innocent:

Great article! It reminds me of a philosophy called “unity in diversity”: you can be united without being uniform. Each person brings their unique identity and colours to the harmony of the whole - like a garden.

We are drops of one ocean, waves of one sea, flowers of one garden: united in diversity.

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Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown, excerpt from the Introduction…

”Language speeds and lengthens in the brain when we are processing sensory information. But newer research shows that when our access to emotional language is blocked, our ability to interpret incoming emotional information is significantly diminished. Likewise, having the correct words to describe specific emotions makes us better able to identify those emotions in others, as well as to recognize and manage the emotional experiences when we feel them ourselves.”

How often have you struggled to communicate the emotions you’re feeling? The words are right there on the tip of your tongue, but you’re unable to get them out. I know that I’ve been there, and in the moment it causes a lot of hopelessness, frustration, and even anger.

My 5 year old granddaughter has Level 2 autism. (Yes, I’m a Mimi. :wink:) When she first began trying to process the tougher emotions but was unable, we made a communication binder containing pictures with descriptive words that she could flip through, find the emotion she needed to communicate, and then we could help her process it. This made a tremendous difference at those times when her emotions were overwhelming and she didn’t have the correct language to articulate her feelings. As you can imagine, there have been screaming fits, kicking and flailing tantrums, all due to the lack of ability to communicate her emotions.

I don’t think this is much different from the way we feel when we’re unable to grasp the words to describe our emotions. Of course, most of us have more self-control than falling to the floor, kicking and screaming. But it doesn’t mean we don’t want to rage. Having the right words gives us the ability to make sense of how we feel, to share it with others, and to manage those emotions productively.

The limits of our language equating to the limits of our world is very true. We have to learn to speak many other emotions that go beyond simply feeling sad, happy, or angry. Brené offers a list of emotions that we should familiarize ourselves with…

  • Shame
  • Disappointment
  • Wonder
  • Awe
  • Disgust
  • Embarrassment
  • Despair
  • Contentment
  • Boredom
  • Anxiety
  • Stress
  • Love
  • Overwhelm
  • Surprise

There are many other words that describe human emotions or experiences, but this is a good start. Knowing the right words, understanding exactly what we’re feeling, gives us the power to communicate with others and cope in positive and productive ways.

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I completely understand what you’re saying. :slightly_smiling_face: So often my feelings have caused discomfort and frustration, and I’m learning how to think them through before speaking. Like you, I often process it on my own and there’s no need to try and articulate my emotions to anyone else. Which, when you have a partner or children, prevents a lot of heartbreak and misunderstanding. :wink:

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