¡Vamanos, Gordita!
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Depends on the specific plant and when their growing season is, but I’d say 80% of my plants follow the same thing, more or less.
- About 1x/month in winter, if that.
- Transition months (usually March + October), water every 2 weeks. This might also extend a bit into April in spring, depending on the weather.
- April/May thru September, once a week, every week.
Fertilize every time (except winter), pesticide every time.
I only water with distilled water, as the tap water here is very hard and will eventually strangle roots as the sediment builds up. In the dead of summer I’m going through 10-15 gallons a week. Winter is closer to 3-4 gallons/wk, and that’s pretty much only going to my indoor/tropical plants.
Still have to monitor and listen to your plants above any kind of set schedule, but in general, that’s how it goes.
For my lithops, i just stare at them from across the greenhouse and think of something sad to make my eyes water a bit. That’s their hydration sorted.
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Euphorbia and then insert long Latin word that kindly calls her fat?
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These are actually called Echinopsis Subdenudata, but I do have a few plants where name ends in “obesum”, which I’m assuming, again, is a scientific way of saying “you plump and I love you for it”.
Edit:
LOL I just looked up “obesum”, and it apparently translates to “fat and vulgar”
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I just looked up Subdenodata and it means almost naked. They really just call you out in Latin don’t they? No holds barred. 
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Oh i love this Maxine - never heard of such a plant — so very beautiful 
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I just ducked back out into the greenhouse and noticed we may have something in store today, despite La Gordita taking her time.
Looks like it’ll pop this afternoon, in my estimation. Never had one of these ones flower so it’s a first.
Stay tuned, ya’ll…
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Im so excited!!! Keep us updated on liftoff!!
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Oh god, I’ll probably miss it… my bedtime is fast approaching 
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Picture, picture please! I’m off to bed soon too!
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¡Esa gorditaaaa! 
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Only opened halfway 
1 or 2 more days!
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It’s as pretty as a pretty flower 
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Oh my gosh she’s beeeeeutiful! 
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Oh my! 
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Oh wow, how delicate! What a contrast with the spiky mum plant.
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Ohhhhh 
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Lovely! It’s a pitty they bloom so shortly.
I had a flower in a cactus ones in my lifetime 
I think that is 20 years ore more ago.
I have more progress in my orchids, two branches with flowers on their way 
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