I did alot of research last night and I tried talking to my spouse about conspiracy theories and how I worry about my kids future because of it and my spouse asked me if I had been drinking. It really offended me because I’ve been sober for 54 days and couldn’t figure out why he would assume that just because I wanted to share my fears with him. Has this happened to any of you? Someone questioning your sobriety? I’ve worked hard to stay clean and I was slightly offended.
Was it a serious question of your sobriety or just a “are you drunk?” joke about conspiracy theories??
as vsue mentioned was it something they were just joshing around about? i mean, none of us know what kind of tone it was spoke in.
i mean, we definitely change in sobriety and maybe you guys never talked about such things and this topic seemed out of left field and his reaction was kind of like where’d this kind of talk come from??
i know that i have been a bit over sensitive to several things others have harmlessly said while early in sobriety. i’m not suggesting you were, i’m just saying i know i have been at times.
I sent him messages telling him how sad the world makes me and how messed up the world is (stayed up late researching and it overwhelmed me) and he said well u used to say weird things when you drink were u drinking ? He didn’t make a big deal out of it because he could tell I was being honest because I was but it makes me feel like I can’t talk to him about serious stuff because he’s gonna assume im drinking
That is definitely hurtful and offensive. Aaaaaand, if you drank like me, understandable…
I don’t know what your history has been, but, though my wife assuming that I might have been drinking early in sobriety (like when she was gone and called and I didn’t answer the phone instantly, then she called someone in my group and they “12th-stepped” me – and I was livid!)… When that happened it seemed so unfair. Buuuuut, I had 15 solid years of lies and broken promises in. Truth is, her skepticism was realistic.
Now, a few years in, I might be really pissed. Idk. I just know that within a few months, half a year, I don’t know – can’t blame her.
But this might be neither here nor there for you!
Must agree with you there. We’ve all broken trust for years and years… Lied, hid, used people, hurt them. Over and over and over again. We can’t expect their scepticisms to be placiated over night! I myself am surprised when someone close to me doesn’t question me. I have come to expect it and although it definitely gets irritating at times, I realized I am only reaping what I have sown. I honestly expect it to take at least a couple years to earn that trust back. But that’s just me. I’ve done some pretty shitty things.
Right?! I even wondered early on, “Dang - what if it took as many years as I used to wash away the suspicion and skepticism.” Thankfully that hasn’t been the case, but the reality of people’s uncertainty has helped me a bit – if I’m working my program – to keep in mind the reality of where drinking took me.
preach. Bobble headin over here.
And more characters down here so it’ll post…
haha. Oh man sobriety can be so fun. I laugh at the smallest stupidest things these days! But everything is just so damned funny. (Maybe I’m over tired)
Too true. Humor is the myelin of life, I think.
Ok totally had to google that.
still doesn’t make sense! Haha I’m def over tired
The fatty stuff that makes messages travel smoothly along your brain nerves! When it erodes you get Parkinson’s. So in life, humor like – you know – smoothifies the messages!
My bad. It was dumb word. Tired over here too🤣
ohhh. Ok ok that makes sense. But yeah, that’s smart people words…what were you thinking?
Man I don’t know. I was reading about adolescent brains earlier. The word was still sitting out on my brain’s work bench.
funny how that happens. I obsessed over words sometimes. Interject the same new impressive word in as many conversations throughout my day as possible…like an addict would. Its a good word. Did I mention I like words? Shit. I’m kind of a nerd aren’t I?
Usage is a good way to cement them! Fair game.
Almost 6 months in my therapist of 5-6 years said she “knows I’ve been drinking.” I was dumbfounded! I sat there panicking that I had blacked out and somehow ended up drinking. I quickly realized that I remember every minute of the night before and there was no way I had been drinking. I saw her two more times after that then called it quits with her. There was no way I deserved to be constantly defending myself when backed into that unnecessary corner. Even more important was that I had been fighting with everything I had and was proud of myself for being and remaining clean. I clearly had given her too much power and it was doing me harm to automatically assume that I had somehow fucked up just because she assumed i had. I had, and still have, a separate therapist in my recovery program.
I must admit that the day she accused me of lying to her, myself, and everyone else in my life I came closer to relapse than I ever have. I thankfully was able to turn my car away from the bar and go home and keep my sobriety.
My wife does all the time. Yes it pissed me off every time wether I was or wasn’t. In my situation I’m the only one to blame. After over 2 years of trying to get clean but not really and pretty much living a secret life I really can’t blame her. It took me months to understand that happens now is the product of the decisions I have made.
In the words of a young dinosaur, YepYepYep!
And let’s keep working at it dude – for our own sake, because that’s whay we want.
The rest will fall into place. Or it wont. We can’t control that. We will just do the next right thing.