When people talk about ‘playing the tape forward’ what does this mean to you?
I’m having a tough time (yet again) and feel like hearing varied experiences might be helpful to head me off…still new on this path and feeling weak.
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It means remembering how my relationship with alcohol ended. I know that i could never drink in moderation as long as i live now so if i ever pick up again it’ll be because i no longer care about living.
Alcoholism is a fatal disease and the only cure is abstinence.
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Playing it all the way through…to the end. Remembering the shit I put my family through because I wanted to drink.
What does it mean to you?
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For me it means when I think I’m just going to have a drink or 2 tops. I end up have 3 or 6 or 10. I’ve never in all my years of drinking just had a drink or 2. Then the passing out. Then the waking up with a hangover with a severe headache.
It sure is nice not playing that game.
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…Then doing it all over again and again.
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My tape usually played out something like this, in a social situation:
Have a drink or two. Have a few more drinks - get more loud and brash. Life and soul of the party! 
Boundaries start coming down, vulnerability starts going up.
Few more drinks - Oversharing. Overspending. Smoking more. Talking to strangers instead of friends. Reckless behaviour creeping in. Argumentative and obnoxious.
Few more drinks - ?? Blackout territory. When bruises appear and money disappears. End up in random places with random people.
Next day - working out how I got home. How much I spent. Who I was with. Who I spoke to and what I said. Scrolling through phone, call and message history and the wild eyed photos to piece it all together. Avoiding phone calls and cringeing through messages which shine a light on the bits I don’t remember.
That feeling of dread, shame, disgust. I have held onto this and I can still feel that deep knot in the pit of my stomach… This is what happens when I drink.
Maybe waking up drunk and driving over the limit to work or that appointment that I knew I had to get to first thing in the morning. The dehydration, feeling sick, the tiredness. Binge eating as much carby sugary shit as I can stomach. Blagging it through the day, trying to cover my tracks and look like a fully functioning human. Maybe on a weekend, scraping it through til lunchtime and then slinking back to the pub for a pick me up and to do it all over again…
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Love all this. It is so completely true.
I know that i could never drink in moderation as long as i live now so if i ever pick up again it’ll be because i no longer care about living… So true 
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@siand just disgusted and on the verge of tears as I see my own wretched story in your words. I am so thankful to be on this side of it, but I hate that I ever when through it. Thank you for sharing this.
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Playing it forward to me means seeing my own death. Plain and simple. Whether by suicide or an accident or by the physical consequences of using.
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Hi Shay.
When you’re having cravings for alcohol it usually based on the “good” memories you have related to alcohol. Probably something like the “good” feelings when the well known buzz is getting under your skin and vibrating pleasantly in your head, all the fun you had with friends, etc. All these memories make you feel like you’re missing something (giving up these moments) when you decided not to drink anymore.
Playing the tape means to stop yourself wherever you are and allow yourself to have all these “good” thoughts about alcohol. But what you should do is to play the tape until the end of the story with all the honesty and without excuses. It means to let yourself take the the first drink in your mind but also follow what would happened next. Would you have another drink? And another? How many drinks would you end up with? Can you count it? Would the “good” feeling you are seeking from drinking (and craving just now) continue through the whole time? Or would there be a point when it would break down? Would you do something silly? Say something insensitive to somebody who you love? Would you black out? Would you wake up in the morning with a clear mind? Without regreting anything? Would you be any happier? More satisfied?
Playing the tape helps us to remember the real reasons why we decided to stay sober at the first place. Based on your personal memories of what is really coming after hours of drinking you can remain sober. I doubt that you’re missing what’s hidden at the bottom of the bottle. You just need to get through the ilussion of “good” to remember the “bad”.
I am wishing you all the best on your journey 
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Ah sorry, I automatically assumed that your addiction is alcohol. You do the above with whatever addiction you’ve got 
Hope I could help
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When alcohol (or other substances) have been our crutch for so long we forget that we are able to have fun/ be brave/ deal with life without them. It can be a learning process, I know it took me a while to find my sober groove, but is through sobriety that I have been able to make and keep the good memories!
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Thanks for all the responses. I slipped. I should have stayed on my phone and read them to help myself be stronger. I was struggling yesterday and knew what was happening…I knew what today would bring. A headache. I used to tell myself this was because I have sinus issues but after going over a week without drinking and then doing it again, I know it is a direct result. There’s also plenty of other feelings that I have to sit with as I reset the clock…
Thank you for sharing. Next time I feel like that I need to think about it when I’m not so far down the road of despair. I’m not that person who can just casually have one drink. It doesn’t happen. 
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Admitting this to yourself and others is huge. Yeah you relapsed yesterday and yeah, that was a horrible idea, but at least you have a foundation to recovery
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I needed to hear this today thanks
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Simply put, it means get past all the romanticism of the first couple drinks and remember the nitty gritty of why you are sober
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@siand So true. I can relate to all of these.
Hugs
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Pretty much what everyone else said. For me…it is behind bars. You see, I drink and drive. How I have not gotten pulled over is a miracle. Once I buy my chosen poison I have to start slugging it in the parking lot. Then on those occasions when I didn’t buy “enough”, I go back out. The humiliation I would face if arrested. My work reputation would be shot! I have been at my university for 22 years. I know what happens when people get arrested for drunk driving. Oh boy, tongues wag. And my family? I have hurt my two adult sons enough. Their dad passed away close to 10 years ago. And my 85 year old mom who is in a nursing home? And I just moved in with my non-drinking partner of 2.5 years. This would destroy any trust he has in me. So, although I truly am doing this for myself, I play the tape to the end and see how they would feel.
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I love that you have real important values and concrete examples to help you make the right choice.
I think I need to make a list of these things for myself. I have them… I know I have things worth losing and focusing on those things rather than being stuck on the temporary ‘it’s just a drink’ mentality (because I KNOW it’s never just one) and I don’t want to romanticize a lifestyle that isn’t attainable.
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