This is how I’ve been doing lately… the longest I’ve ever gone without messing up is nearly a year, the longest I’ve recorded on this app is just over 90 days and the longest I’ve gone recently is 40 days. But I’m back to day one. I want so badly not to be at day one again. So I’m going to try and remember things that help, like you guys on this page. So I’m gonna do my best to share my progress every day. If there’s any of you who wouldn’t mind asking daily and trying to help remind me to share, I sure would appreciate it. Thanks
Well, how are you today?
How are you feeling about life? Work? And most importantly, how do you feel about yourself today?
Maybe try a meeting they will help wish you well
Brother, every man has struggled to some degree, with what you struggle against. You are not alone. How are you doing? Have you made a covenant with your eyes to not look upon anything that feeds your addiction?
Thanks. Life? I know life will work out good in the end,even though I’m scared I have/will mess it all up with this problem. Somewhere in me I know it will all work out. And work? I work up to 75 hours a week in the summer and get a few months off in the winter. So now I’m left with a lot of time I’m not good at managing. And how do I feel about myself? I’m trying to believe the encouraging words my wife said before heading to work today, “your a good man Michael” but yet all I can think about is how 10min later was messing up. And now when she comes home and asks how I did, I won’t have any good news for her, I won’t be able to back up what she said. So needless to say I’m having trouble thinking well of my self right now but I know it’ll get better.
Yes but I keep breaking it.
These gentlemen share your DOC, and I am sure would want you to know that you are not alone.
Oh, I ache for you. I can hear your hope and WANT to stop. It’s so hard. You are a BADASS for keeping at it. I am new to this app. Day 20? I have been to AA (court appointed) and two other times on my own. And now a third. I’m 48-yrs old, have two teen girls that hate alcohol because of me (that hurts to admit. First time I’ve admitted that and it’s a unique pain in my gut. Ugh.) I’ve been drinking most of my late-teen life. I’m learning mismanaged anxiety had a little to do with that. Liquid courage in social situations, in celebrations, in sadness, in madness, in boredom, at fairs, etc…
I was calculating the days in-between and, though it looks like a pile of yellow dots on your “reset” page, you’ve had a TON of really good stretches of not drinking! Practice, my friend!!! Imagine if you had it even given it a shot?! You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.
So, today is day 1. Okay! You’ve decided, “I may fall off, but today is not the day”. This is my mantra. 20-days and scared to death. Believe it or not, I’m inspired by your courage to ask for help, and your persistence. Bravo!
I agree with your wife… You’re a good man Michael… Many won’t even admit it’s an issue…
How are you today? I’m 6 months sober, first attempt at sobriety. One thing I’ve heard so many times at meetings from those who have relapsed is that they still needed something to prepare them to go all in. Does that make sense? I’ve also learned that relapse is more common than not although I hope I don’t. So far, I do something each day in addition to prayer, either read my big book, work on steps, attend a meeting, talk to my sponsor or another alcoholic, write things I’m grateful for. What other activities do you recommend?
Thanks for the heads up @Yoda-Stevie.
Hi Michael. Welcome. Wow! You and I have so much in common.
My first sex fantasies came about when I was 3 years old. And I’m 48 now.
I also go to Celebrate Recovery.
Sounds like you could use some extra help. That’s all right. We all need it. I’m really sorry that you’re having such a hard time with sobriety. I know exactly how that feels. I’m hoping we can connect more in the near future. Share thoughts, strategies, etc. But in the meantime, don’t lose hope. We never give up, never.
I’m currently at 43 days now, no porn.
There’s about 20 of us on TS that are dealing with porn. So we’re definitely not alone.
Hi, I’m a pornography addict. I’m working one day at a time. Almost 6 months sober currently. I’ve been where you’re at. Daily and weekly relapses. It’s incredibly disheartening.
We have to have a plan. A daily action list you must accomplish that’s driven towards recovery. My program is a little unorthodox. It’s a combo of Talking Sober, Habitica, scripture study and family time.
You’ve got to find out what your program is. It’s not always just going to a meeting. It needs to be more than that.
I think this is a brilliant idea ,I too shared my daily journey up until more recently,I think it’s good to share and get feedback it keeps you where you need too be especially in them early days,great plan
You might want to figure out why your brains are so set to getting that dopamine boost.
That is a big part of relapsing, a shortage of dopamine through the “normal” life events which should give us the shot of happiness.
Some get it through using substances and lots have different addictions.
So be aware it is not a matter of being righteous its a matter of your brain… And the brain is stronger then you wishes.
The longer we use the more our brain matches using to happiness. It literally replaces the happy neurons.
So that what happens when you stop your brain will start to recover and that is a journey that takes as much as half a year or even longer depending on DOC or innthis matter BOC.
hope you will find the suggestions you need to build your life around the needs.
One day at a time, and in those 24 hours, be forgiving to yourself, not just by talking and saying kind things to yourself, but by doing things that build you up.
If you like taking walks, take a walk.
Meditate? Find a nice, quiet place and do just that.
Golf? Football? Tennis? Working out?
Put on your work out clothes and don’t come back home until it is drenched with sweat and you’re panting like a dog.
You may not like yourself now because of the relapses, but i promise, you will never hate yourself for spending time improving yourself or understanding yourself.
You’re a good person Michael, even if you don’t believe it, your wife believes it and i believe it.
You’re here trying to improve and that’s an admirable trait in anybody, because you can admit to yourself that you sometimes need help and support.
Little goals and little wins are just as good as winning the race.
Today I went in for cigarettes amd came out with no alcohol! That’s a win for me.
How are you today sir?
DM me anytime. That looks just like my weed stats and as much as I respect your honesty with yourself eventually I decided to stop looking at my struggles and completely wiped the slate clean and started again, I refused point blank to allow myself a single blemish, it could be THE NEW YOU, not the up and down topsy turvy person who’s happy to look backwards and your failures. It’s time to look at what you are not doing, it’s time to add something new. It’s time for change. Eventually even the fool will stop banging his head on the same wall to see if the pain goes away. Addiction taught us how to play that fool but now it’s time to take off the mask and dance to a different tune.
Thanks everyone! Your words of wisdom and encouragement really do lift my spirit.
I started off the morning by praying and reading my bible, which I haven’t done in awhile, so that was good. But after I took a shower the first thing I did was grab my phone and google the first thing that popped into my mind, which was innocent enough, but I should know by now it always starts innocent and then takes a turn for the worst really quick. But the good news is, as soon as I saw my self taking a turn for the worst by clicking on a news article I knew I had no GOOD reason to be clicking on, I got off Google and got on this app.
So thanks again for being here y’all! It’s now day 2