Use this platform to talk and have done accountability, i love sobriety podcasts http://www.thatsoberguy.com/ is my favorite and maybe try online meetings if you don’t want to attend in person. This is a fantastic community for encouragement.
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I’m walking my dog right now, will be home in like 60 minutes. Feeling the urges crawling up 
Thank you I will check out the podcast!
Well done in coming here when the urges are creeping in… Have you eaten? Normally when your stomach I full cravings get less. Try it. Do some breathing exercises. Call a friend. Do some sports. Continue walking and think how proud you will be once you have passed this craving
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Wow, you must be my twin!
Yes I just ate, but starting thinking stuff like tomorrow I have a doctor’s appointment by 6.30 pm so my evening won’t be long… Maybe starting tomorrow? I can watch myself betraying
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Yes this is our mind trying to play tricks… But like you’ve said above you really want to stop with all this. You are so tired of lying. Of drinking. Of your hangovers. Of no energy. Of destroying your body… Come on. You want to break this cycle. Now it is the time. Not tomorrow… You can do this.
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What does drinking offer you? Hangover? Regret? Anxiety? DUI? Fight with your family or friends? A downward spiral to daily drinking again?
What does sobriety offer? Clear mind? Hangover and regret free mornings? Peace of mind? Self confidence? Self esteem? Belief in yourself? Pride? Solutions to the issues you have been drinking at?
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You know what just happened? I had to go to the store bc I’m out of toilet paper. Then I felt like in a twilight zone, zombie mode and bought a bottle. Then went to a public restroom next to the store, took two sips and flushed the rest of it into the toilet. I failed. But the amount I took was tiny. No excuses but at least that was far more less I had in weeks. I am so ashamed telling you. At home there’s no booze so that’s it for tonight. Sorry I disappointed you. 
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I wanted so send this post like three hours ago but the forums told me there’s a limit of posting for day one. I had to wait a couple of hours now.
Thank you so much for caring, I am so sorry
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You don’t have to apologize to me or be sorry!!! It’s great that you didn’t quit on this app and came back straight away. Well done on pouring out the rest. And great that you don’t have booze at home. So you start again. As long as you never give Up on you!!!
Go home. Get a nice bath or watch a nice movie and try to relax. Go to bed early. What time is it there? Try to get a good sleep tonight and start fresh again in the morning. You will get there. If I can do this you can do it too!!! 
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That’s not a failure. Flushing the bottle shows that you really want this. I go through a similar thing, I would be so ready to quit then it’s like a zombie takes over your brain and you end up using again. It happens and is an important step in recovery. I’m on day two of being clean and I never even thought I could even get this far. This forum has really helped me so far, as well as having distractions when I get home. Also, don’t be ashamed of meetings they can be really comforting. There are also hotlines you can call into at night (I’m not sure where you are located so I can’t give any recommendations) but maybe look into that if you don’t want to physically go to a meeting. I know this is said a lot and is easier said than done but exercise, even just going for a walk, always helps with anxiety and that deep pit feeling in your stomach. Baths, holding ice in your hand or mouth, engaging your senses and doing grounding exercises will also help. I believe in you and your recovery and wish you luck on your journey!
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You don’t need to apologize to us, we get it. I am sure you feel defeated and upset with yourself, as we all would. It is a positive step that you flushed the rest, went home, posted here…all good things. Forward from here! 
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Hey @Marisim how are you today? Don’t be a stranger. Come back here right away and start again. You can do it. I believe in you!!! 
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Hello there, I was so busy at work, I haven´t had the time to write yet.
Thanks for not judging me for my failure yesterday.
As I told you, I took a large sip, then a small one and flushed the entire bottle into the toilet.
Those small amount of booze instantly made me feel warm and cozy. I wasn´t drunk. So why the sips if they didn´t even do their usual job, like feeling comfortably numb and made me go straight to sleep. What is that?! I don´t get it. Maybe I do, I don´t know. It´s been 20hs now.
Today I thought I was gonna have a doctor´s appointment at 6.30. As it turned out, I remembered it wrong, it´s at 5.30. And that simple mistake creeps me out, bc it´s now an extra hour of struggling before I go to bed.
Before I signed in here, I´ve been reading a lot of your postings. And it feels like everybody ist more successful than me, due to like “I made it a whole month”, “Day 7 I feel great”.
I am crippling with fear. But I need to be honest here. Even if it´s just for the cause of f**cking up in front of a kind audience.
And pls don´t be mad if I don´t tell you in which country I live in (yet). I´m sooo paranoid about the whole heavy dirty secret.
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I am so proud of you for coming back and asking for help.
I am no more successful than anyone at staying sober. In the beginning of my journey I felt just like you. Everyone was doing better and that it was easier for them. I was jealous and angry
I struggled. A LOT.
I had to do everything to quit drinking
Talking to my dr to get medication
Talk to my family
Joining AA
Change my routine after work
Walk A LOT like miles and it was cold
Watch podcast about alcohol
Read books about it
Watch youtube sobriety speakers
Yoga
Meditation
Went to bed early
Shower
It was hard but it got easier
In the beginning i felt everyday that I would fail but I did it
One day, hour, moment at a time and so can you.
I believe in you
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Thank you for your story. May I ask how far you made it to this day?
Hi friend, welcome!
If I may, I would highly suggest talking to your primary doctor about trying to quit. They can give you a medication taper that will help get through the beginning. I am very concerned about the xanax. I am an alcoholic and addict, and benzos were my drug addiction. My addiction ramped up severely when I would quit drinking. I’d be popping xanax all day and night to get through, and it just made my tolerance higher. In the end, coming off the booze was a breeze because coming off the benzos was soooo bad! I ended up in a psychiatric hospital after my detox because I was still in danger, physically and mentally. So, please be careful with the xanax. It’s because of the xanax that you felt so much relief with just a couple of sips. Its highly dangerous to mix the two because they both lower you heart rate and breathing.
Getting to a doctor or clinic will take so much pressure off of you.
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We ALL started on day 1 and we all struggled to get where we are at. So much struggling, set backs and restarts…at least for me. It took me literally YEARS to get sober YEARS. It was very very hard, I was very desperate, depressed, suicidal at the end. Deeply in my head all the time and deeply depressed and lacking self confidence.
You are not alone in struggling. Not at all.
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