Hi there, I am very very careful about Xanax, my Granny used to eat them like candy, but thanks for your caring advice.
Fortunately I had to wait like 45 minutes at the doctor’s office, so I am on my way home now, which will take me another 35 minutes, so by the time I get home it will only like 2,5 hours til I go to bed. You may wonder about mentioning hours and minutes but that gives me a better chance of making it tonight.
My counter says 1d 1hr 25 minutes sober
I guess I made it! Am in my pajamas watching random crap on YouTube…
Yaaay this is great. I’m glad to see you here. You must be nearly in bed now? I’m glad you are not giving up. I’ve tried so so many countless times and tried out so many different things until I came to this point and to meet all these wonderful people to help me stay sober every day
Super duper great. I’m happy for you 
Thanks you guys.
I’m going to meet a friend for an early dinner tomorrow, 5pm, she has time until 7pm, so maybe like today I “only” have to manage another three hours before going to bed like today. That’s my plan, so hopefully it’s gonna work out.??
Keep going 
,hour at a time, breathing, sleep well 
Night time planning is something I’ve been working on too! Really smart to have appointments and fun dinners with friends to keep you busy. I’m on day three today! Goodluck and keep going!
A little over 2 and a half years.
With the help of a lot of people.
Greetings from Europe @Marisim Personally it helps me a lot to post everyday in daily checks in topic on my begining of soberity. Highly reccomend this 
Also I know this zombie state in liquor store 
terrible feeling when I think about this now. Anyway stay strong and visit forums daily 
Hi out there,
My counter says it´s d1, 20hrs and 50 minutes.
I was so proud of myself when I woke up this morning. But now, 7hrs later I´m at work and the crippling fear is back. I feel so unprotected and lonely. In about three hours I´m gonna have dinner with a close friend, we got like two hours and then I`m going back to my apartment still having 2-3 hrs before I go to bed.
This “survive til it´s bedtime” thoughts make me feel ashamed. There are so many very persons out there, fighting for every hour they are able to stay on this earth and all I want to do is to kill time off so I wouldnt start drinking.
It´s pathetic, I feel pathetic.
Tomorrow night I´m gonna join a group of people I don´t even know that well to go the movies, just because of that zombie.
If anyone reads that, pls respond. I feel terrible right now.
Welcome. I am glad you are here, and hope you will stay. It is good that you have recognized a possible problem early.
I hope you can understand this analogy: Have you ever walked on a snowy or icy hill and slipped? You start sliding down the hill, slowly at first. This is where you have the best chance to stop sliding, and avoid a painful out of control journey to the bottom. The longer someone waits, the harder it is to stop the slide.
It is good that you are trying to stop your slide now, rather than waiting. If you wait too long, you may find it impossible to stop sliding down the hill, or mountain.
This makes me sad you are feeling so poorly over what is 100% the way most of us all felt at the beginning…defeated, worried, anxious, etc. Getting sober and recovery take time…healing and centeredness do not happen over night. I hear you being so hard on yourself…you don’t have to beat yourself up to achieve sobriety. Honor your self and your process…take it one moment at a time if you need to. Just don’t drink.
You do not have to be ashamed of struggling to get thru the day!! We all did and some of us still do. Your needing to get thru the days is okay. You won’t always feel like this. Do what you need…sleep, go to bed early, etc…to stay sober.
You definitely are not pathetic. You are a human who is struggling and working on being healthier. I consider that a win. 
Thank you so much @Yoda-Stevie and @SassyRocks!
I totally get the analogy. If I’m continuing this behavior, I might or will get physically dependent and then hit rock bottom and my secret isn’t going to be a secret anymore.
My friend had to cancel our plans and for a moment I was like, OK, game over. Then I took a longer walk with my doggie than I usually do and when I got home I did something I was avoiding doing for a long time and maybe represents my whole situation.
Under my nightstand there is a fancy basket (on the outside), in which I keep some books and magazines. Because I practically live in my bed, under the books was a dumpster for stuff I just hid under there bc I ve become so lazy. You would find pens, old bottles of nailpolish, chewing gum, unused napkins, pins, a measuring tape, the list goes on and on. Every time I looked at the basket I promised to clean it up, I never did until last hour.
I have two other baskets like that in my apartment, I plan to clean them out too.
Now I’m in my pajamas again.
I’m starting to get afraid about the weekend, which are the worst days of the week for me since I’m living alone. But I remember what you keep telling me, today’s today.
I really appreciate you guys talking to me.
I did similar things in the beginning.
Cleaned the fridge. Cleaned under the fridge and stove. Lol
My house has never been as clean as when I first quit drinking.
Go to bed early. Sometimes I was showered and in bed by 6pm!
But I woke up sober
You are doing great
One day at a time
You are doing this
I’m proud of you
Took me 20 years telling myself that I had no proublem with my drinking. Then drunk I did the unexpected and went to prison. Now out at 55 years old I have 14 years sober. This is not my doing, but is totally due to AA and my God. Please atleast try it before your life is a total mess and worse. God Bless and Good Luck…
Hello Marisim!
Thank you for sharing and being so honest,
I am only on day 3 and I just wanted to share with you that it’s not always successful when you first try.
In 2017 I was sober for 9 months and I felt so confident and happy in my recovery, my father unexpectedly passed away from cancer (so I really related to your story) and I immediately started drinking once reality set in.
I then discovered smoking weed which was absolutely detrimental to me and I’m now in 2019 and try to get sober again having lost a year and a half of my life to drugs, alcohol and poor eating and self care habits (not to mention tremendous weight gain!)
Over the past month or two I have hit that reset button numerous times and relapsed - I haven’t even got to 7 days yet, however I read a great comment in this forum that said relapsing (if it happens) can be essential during recovery because you learn so much from it and use that strength to improve your sobriety. If you do relapse - think why? What caused me to do that? What can I do next time I feel that way or I’m in that situation?
I also strongly recommend confiding in someone you trust face to face about what’s going on. I recently told my new partner (very daunting) my truth about my drinking and I’ve had nothing but support, I also revisited the topic with my mum (who I’ve not discussed it with in years) and I was honest about how I felt and she has been so supportive and I realise am very lucky.
Telling people almost makes it real, it’s so easy to pass it off as ‘oh that was just a bad night’ or ‘I’m not hurting anyone’ - the fact you are questioning it here, no matter your story, shows there’s enough an issue for you.
I just wanted to share that because I know how hard the early days are - celebrate the small wins and be kind to yourself x
So much kind words, and like a minute ago I screwd up utterly. I went to the movies with some work people and afterwards they said let’s get headed for a drink. I excused myself, went back home and started to clean out the kitchen. Then I found a mini bottle of Vodka, I honestly don’t remember when i bought it, but I drank it. Here we go, I’m not drunk, but still…at 3d 5hrs I screwed up again. For nothing. The mini bottle did indeed nothing for me.
I’m sitting on the floor in my living room, feeling defeated. Pls excuse my English, it’s not my native tongue
it’s good you recognize it did nothing for you, and you came right here and were accountable for your actions. do you think your friends mentioning going out for drinks was something that triggered you?
It was like ok you guys go back to your husbands. Go back to your nest. My partner left me after ten years without any announcement. I’m by myself, no one’s gotta know anyway. I feel like a piece ofyou know what
I totally understand what you mean and I’m sorry to hear about your partner. Life can be really lonely sometimes and it can feel like you’re drowning in a massive ocean. Are these friends that you feel comfortable telling about your situation? Sometimes knowing can help people be a bit more sensitive. If not, I know I may just be someone on the internet but I’m thinking of you and want you to know you’re not a piece of you know what. You seem like a smart and very courageous person. A truly beautiful soul. You deserve to be happy and healthy. Reach out anytime. I believe in you 