I am new here. Been struggling a lot with PMO. It has to stop. Today is my day one, again.
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Welcome, you’re in the right place
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You have made the right decision and I commend you for that, if you’d like there is this method that is helping me called the easy peasy way to quit pmo addiction it’s free and there is an audio version of this as well.
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Need to get this out.
I had a nice clean streak going. Was at 80 days lust free.
Yesterday I failed to attend the SA meeting. I try and go every few weeks.
Big mistake.
I got stressed in the evening as well.
That stress led to watching porn at night. Was up and couldn’t sleep.
I didn’t masturbate or edge but just watched.
Then this morning had sex. Now those down feelings are back. Shit! I don’t know why I can’t stop!
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Sorry to hear about that. I’ve been there.
How do you define lust? What is lust, and what isn’t lust?
Thanks. For me it’s craving sexual release.
It could be masturbation, porn, sex. That sexual dopamine I want to turn down.
I feel it’simportant, but I don’t know what to think about it. Why is important to define such things? And how to find proper resources? There are many myths and BS about sexuality and masturbation.
Teoretically we could keep the goal simple: avoid porn, don’t use body, although I experienced that it’s not enough.
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It’s important for the same reason that defining a peanut is important if a person is allergic to peanuts. Peanuts, in that case, need to be defined - because defining things enables us to recognize them, to distinguish a threat from a non-threat - and then the threat needs to be removed from life and, through careful daily effort, kept out. The risk of not defining the threat is that I will die from anaphylaxis.
In my case, I am allergic to lust, and I must define it for the same reason.
There are many tens of thousands of people who have worked lust- and/or sex-addiction recovery programs that have been carefully tested, reviewed, and revised over time - including SA, SAA, and SLAA, for example, and beyond those there are also more general recovery programs (SMART Recovery, Dharma Recovery, etc etc - see this thread: Resources for our recovery) - and there is ample research- and practice-informed literature available from those programs, to help you develop a reliable working definition of lust.
It is up to you and you only to look deep into yourself and pay attention to signs, and seek input from knowledgeable, experienced people to interpret those signs. Then put their input into action, pay attention for signs again, and repeat the consultation process.
What I share here is my personal experience. I tried controlling my body for many years. Control, in my case, included software blocks, accountability software, and many many many different ways to try to control what my eyes could or could not see, or what my hands could or could not do. I tried this for decades, actually. Ultimately I came to the conclusion that it was a fruitless effort. The problem was not caused by anything in my body or by what my body was or was not doing (including what my body was viewing, or what hormones - including dopamine - were being produced in my body), and the solution did not start in my body. The solution had nothing to do with control.
For me, the solution was deeper. It was psychological.
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Maybe you mean triggers? Definitely recognizing what is trigger is very important.
Lust seems to be easy to define: it’s the moment when you feel the pressure to “use” your body in sexual way.
Unfortunately I need to dive deeper into my personality, because reading Easypeasy is not the ultimate solution.
After reading book I felt like I don’t need PMO totally, but additional thing that helped was installing the app. I was focused on achieving milestones, goals were close so it was relatively easy to quit.
Now, after several days, there is less excitement on achieving goals and I feel my mind is travelling toward old habit. Yesterday and today I had some crisis, but I survived.
On the other side, I’ve heard first 21 days are crucial, and during this period mind plays most tricks to make us return to bad habits. I need only 4 days to achieve this threshold.
In my case solution is also located much deeper. Even lust is not a problem, it’s rather effect of another problem(s).
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In SA they refer to real sexaholic experiencing lust as an allergy, which they adopted from AA referring to alcohol as such.
Triggers is one thing to learn and be mindful of.
I can be lusting in the grocery store and not be at a place where I can use my body to please myself. Mine is based a lot with fantasy.
With the soul searching and looking into personality, what you’ll find is character defects. Once you’re aware of what your triggers are, you can use tools to address them and also know what trigers impact them.
For me, there is no set day goal that will help curb my lust cravings. It’s on a day to day basis and sometimes by the minute or hour. I am a lustaholic/sexaholic and will remain so. What I can do is fellowship, learn from my experiences and past, utilize my program, SA, reach out to my sponsor for ESH and work steps to become a better me and not let lust dictate my life and actions as it once did.
As my sponsor advised me… lust wasn’t my problem, it was my solution for problems in my life. It was a way I chose to self sooth, isolate, numb myself so as not to feel and not deal with real life situations, my emoitons or feelings.
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Have you tried any in-person or Zoom group meetings as of yet?
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No, I mean lust. I don’t personally like the term “trigger” because I find it is too mechanical. To me, the word “trigger” sounds like “if you pull the trigger, then this happens”. It removes the conscious and emotional experience. It focuses entirely on the mechanical process. Lust is a much more multifaceted, profound psychological system.
I’m interested to hear about what you discover on your journey 
Please keep us posted.
All of us should perhaps have weekly meetings.
I can set up the zoom calls. Would anyone be interested.
We can leave cameras off for those that are uncomfortable. We can just share ideas and strategies.
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I’d be cool with an open discussion type TS zoom call
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I’d be up for that
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Yes, thank you. I first started viewing in the 4th grade also. Ruined my recepters. Thank you for sharing.
Sounds good thank you. I’ll try and set something up soon.
Thanks Matt, I will try and set something up soon.
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Maybe I mean the same thing usign term “trigger”. English is not my native language, I always heard this term when people describe things that provide to relapses. But anyway, I also consider it as something more sophisticated - it starts in brain, in subconscious mind, because I could touch myself normally during taking shower and it leads to nothing bad, and I could be completely dressed and bad thought could hit me almost out of the blue.
As of what causes problem in my case:
- low self esteem (although now it’s much better, but still have some insecurities)
- stress (there was alcohol problem in my home)
- too much isolation (I’m rather introverted, so I’ve never had many friends, crushes, relationships, generally poor social life)
- I’m in my early 30’, so I’ve been exposed to porn for several years. Observing women in these videos caused subconscious changes in behavior, even “M” looks different. I’m hetero, but I mirrored womens’ poses during M. From videos I remember them happy, free, self-confident and unconsciously I tried to recreate this state by MO, but sometimes by simply being without clothes. It’s like I’m vain, like I don’t have nothing more valuable as a person - only my body.
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I’ve never attended such things. I’m not very good at searching such things. I’ve had a few coaching sessions in the past, but we worked about other problems.