Exactly - that’s part of the mystery 
Congratulations! Nine months is amazing!
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I’m glad you’re here. You had 8 months. That was awesome. I’m sorry to hear about the relapse. I know how that feels after having such a long clean time.
Are you aware of anything that would have led up to the relapse?
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When did the craving start?
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I read another one of your posts mentioning that you also relapsed with alcohol. It wouldn’t surprise me that it was a factor in your relapse with pmo.
Relapses are opportunities to learn what God is trying to teach me. Perhaps with a little bit more time of self-reflection, you might be able to understand yourself a little more. Thanks for sharing. Don’t give up. You must have been doing a lot of things right to get as far as you’ve gotten.
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It humbles me too. I don’t have as much control as I’d like. So I confess that I need to involve God in my life more than ever before.
I believe that your PMO relapse led to your alcohol relapse.
It is said that relapse happens before one actually acts out. I believe this especially true with PMO. Can you identify any behaviors or crossing of boundaries before relapse with PMO?
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It’s those small compromises that lead to great disasters.
Thanks for opening up about that.
We need to stay clear away from all P-subs. Otherwise, we get burned.
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That’s where I got it from.
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I loved the meetings I went to. I completed some of the books, got pins, and really lookd forward to it. Then i moved across country and there wasn’t one nearby.
Ps yes ik this is of topic to the thread, so i won’t keep referencing it. I just didn’t ever meet anyone else that went to ru.
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Hi,
Im Andrew. Im 27 year’s old. I’m been struggling with this addiction for all my life since my step brother showed me when i was about 5 or 6. I don’t remember much about looking at porn when i got older, but i started doing more things that led up to watching it every day and even masterbated multiple times befor the hour hour. I’m not proud of anything that i do but i have a family now a wife of 3 years and a daughter who just tuned 1 this year.
I guess i should start at the beginning, i remember being with my step brother in his room when he first showed me i wasn't into it because i was only about 5 years old. He abused me alot when i was a kid mentally and physically. Some days he would break my toys and try and "drown" me in the pool. There were several times when i got a little bit older that he would dress me up in girls clothes and made me go to the bathroom like one.
But when i got older in middle school, thats when i had a laptop and a phone and i had really easy access to the internet… to the porn so instead of doing my homework i would watch porn or look at it, maybe thats why i didnt have any confidence in picking up women 
. But it was right there and thats all i would do when im not around anyone else.
And now i cant stop, every single day that all i want to do. When my wife wants sex I’ve usually already masterbated and it doesnt work or somehow i fake it or when im at work i would go to the bathroom and watch it and usually get one out.
I’ve already miss alot of stuff in my life because of the porn and masterbation i dont want to miss out on my daughters life or on another kids life if we plan on having another one.
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RU is a hidden gem of recovery resources. Not many are aware of. I learned a lot of unique tools from RU that I still embrace today. My family and I recently started going back to those meetings. But they recently stopped using the RU format. Now, they use a different one, Simple Steps. I liked the RU format better. But the group still provides me a lot of encouragement to repair my broken relationship with God. That’s a must for me in breaking free from porn.
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Welcome Andrew.
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Thank you i hope this will help me
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Have you guys read Easy Peasy yet?
If you haven’t, I consider it required reading for anyone struggling with relapse in porn.
For alcohol, I also recommend Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Control Alcohol and Annie Grace’s This Naked Mind
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Ill definitely give this a read
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Seconded for Easy Peasy. A great resource that opened my eyes on what I have been doing to myself.
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Easy Peasy is awesome, a mulitple read book that gives you the mentality that helps. You might find that multiple tools are so helpful. Atomic Habits is another one by James Clear. He breaks down things into SYSTEMS. Sometimes we can’t break a bad habit not because we are weak and broken, it’s because we dont have the proper systems in place. I’m fighting this habit at the root source right now: A lack of commitment to my marriage/selfish behavior. I’m focusing on mindfulness. I’ve learned that Pornography is a symptom of a bigger issue with me. I’ve since had to quit Video games, as this addiction fed the porn addiction. I ONLY RECENTLY REALIZED THIS. The video game addiction/Porn addiction have been staples in my life since age 12. I’m 41 now. Both have to go.
I’ve been studying Neurotransmitters lately. A huge eye opening thing is learning how much your body relies on dopamine as one of the major 6 neurotransmitters. I haven’t been just sabotaging my brain, BUT MY ENTIRE BODY! Throwing off the balance of a major neurotransmitters can give you major issues as everyone on here knows.
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Welcome back. And congratulations on the 23 days.
It’s never a bad time to quit. It may seem that using P cures anxiety, but it doesn’t. It creates it. After each session, and the dopamine wears off, I’m left more anxious than before.
It may also seem that quitting P causes more anxiety. But quitting P will abrupt that dopamine induced anxiety-creating process.
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