Thank you @KevinesKay and @Matt
Your replies are solid gold.
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Thanks for asking these questions, too. I have been trying to figure out much the same things without really knowing how to voice it
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Had no issues since dec 24th. I knew it was coming, i could literally feel myself going there. Over the past 30 days i havent been searching for anything, but it was over stimulation of videos, not even bad in nature at all. Its just my brain. I set myself up for failure by failing to control all socia media content. Too much staring at backsides, etc. Not enough taking in things that help me. Tonight was a total failure, my good side was thrown in the trunk and hyjacked by my covetous greedy monster side. I felt so powerless. Probably struggled for 3 hours. I just couldnt stop. I literally had a choice to simply toss the phone out the room and live to fight another day. Once i touched it it was over. First setback of the year but you know, i just want it to be over. I know how i got here. I fell right back into default settings and stop doing the work. This been a lifetime struggle. But you know something. I cant do it alone. So i need to check in more frequently here. I need to be 100% free. I will start again on my mental thinking training and my bible reading. I wont give up. Ive posted alot on here. Some of you @KevinesKay @Matt @BeardedSandMan have been very helpful. Thanks for the support. Im choosing to get up from this and analyze what happened, how it happened, and how i can safeguard my mind going forward.
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Never give up. I appreciate your share. I think you have a good attitude to learn from the reset. And I believe you will and have that freedom you desire.
I’m guilty of fantasizing every day this week. Some lust too. Not all day, but some. Toxicity level has been at 6. I’ve had a very unusually stressful week, and my addict side was escaping. Hoping that my TL level will be 4 or less today. Because I check in with my weekly church group tonight. Staying in prayer today is going to me my plan.
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Same here.
Pray constantly. Overconfidence is another one of my issues. I have alot of interest, and those interest often hyjack my brain to the point to the point where i’m just completely overwhelmed and focused just on myself. I spend alot of time on working on my body, my physical health, tracking all my calories, going to the gym 3 to 4 times a week. Why wouldn’t i take that same energy and PROTECT MY BRAIN. My wife always tells me when i want to really do something, nothing stops me. She’s right, except this one area that’s plagued me my whole life. But i need to stay plugged into my toxic levels. Man by the time i went to bed last night, my toxic levels, wanting to escape levels, was at a 20. Seriously. I literally woke up with a thought and was powerless to fight it, i had nothing, no bible reading/prayer before bed, just my addict brain ready to take over against my powerless will. So, i need to pour my energy into brain training throughout the day, day in and day out and limit my MENTAL JUNK FOOD. Youtube is a sesspool of sadness and A HAREUM. i can’t just keep going on that site over and over and dont think that at some point, MY ADDICT BRAIN ISN’T GOING TO JUST SAY, just type this in and get it over with. I will continue to educate myself daily and focus my energies on making sure my mental calories aren’t ‘constant junk food’ but take in things that will actually help me move forward.
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Have you thought about why you masturbate? People use it as an escape of situations and difficult feelings. It’s used as self soothing or just to fight boredom. If you want to get rid of masturbation, you need to understand why you do it, what need it meets in you. When you have ideas about that, the are things you can learn to do instead of going to masturbation. It takes time and effort but change in behaviour is possible.
I know this sounds quite simplified but I wanted to give you something concrete and practical. It’s great you’ve been able to “taper”.
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Like Olivia said, the “why” is so important. If it feels natural and healthy, then it may well be - but if it’s compulsive or you use it to escape, maybe it’s good to look at quitting.
There are other ways to master discipline if you decide that your masturbation habits are healthy. Cold showers, fasting, exercise, meditation, etc.
If not, welcome - there are a lot of different ways to quit and here’s my answer:
Ignoring, distracting, white-knuckling and trying to fight the urge to masturbate will only burn you out eventually. Taking a moment to recognize and accept the feelings that drive you to act out, without giving in to them, is the way to truly heal from unhealthy coping. Remember that you want [insert goal here] more than you want [insert bad habit, substance, or addiction here] and remember that the part of your brain responsible for cravings is like a toddler. It doesn’t always understand why you’re saying no and it just wants its reward. Recognize it, let it be there, and carry that craving/urge around for awhile.
I promise it gets easier and better. The urges do fade. You are just training yourself out of this habit of however long - it’s probably going to take a few months or even a year or two to really go away. Lots of time to really learn fine emotional and physical control of these sexual desires and urges.
Welcome back, friend 
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My P and MB are both extensions of my uncontrolled eyes and free-racing mind. Until I addressed my issue with my heart, the lust and fantasy, my acting out behavior was destined to continue. And all of that was deeply rooted in my toxic shame and my broken relationship with God. So for me, it’s had to go bedrock deep.
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Ohoah, escapism is a big one for sure!
I’m a bit on the fence with this one… Asking you guys bc I’d like to hear viewpoints.
How do you feel about fantasising about your partner/spouse/SO? I’ve spent so much time in my fantasy world that I find it hard to say. One side, I’m a sexual being so thinking about sex surely happens. Also, I’m attracted to a man who is committed to me. On the other side, I could be just fooling myself thinking it’s ok as long as it’s my hubby but actually I’m acting out?
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I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to fantasize about my wife. But I chose to personally avoid it because it led me to a wrong path to fantasizing about others.
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Today has been a tough day. It’s been a fight every step. I downloaded stay focused extension on my chrome browser and bing browser. My Toxic levels are 10. I’ve been searching for images and then blocking the site. Search, stare, block. Rinse and repeat. Getting Novelty with every search, allowing the brainwashing to dominate me. @KevinesKay i know you know what i’m talking about. Dominating me, i look i stare, i block. Can barely focus. And yet i know what’s triggering me. My wife and I are reading books together and while not explicit, the nature of the conversations are triggering me. I started reading thrillers with my wife just to have something to connect with after 20 years of marriage, and it’s working and i love it. But I have to be extremely careful cause this mess is triggering me and i’m having a hard time focusing. I AM FIGHTING. I’ve blocked so many sites today, BUT WHY GO THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE! I know the addiction comes in the hunt, essentially i’m getting dopamine hits every single time, i saw one image that i would consider pnog. I blocked it and the site. I can’t block the whole internet. I need to get control of my thoughts. I needed to come here and get this off of me, as it was like poison to my soul. I’m going to get up, MAKE SOME STRONG TEA, and get on with it. My conscious is never really clean, never at peace, always in pain. And yet, that doesn’t mean i need to let this brainwashing crush me, trying to get me back in ‘the loop’.
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Good that you’re here venting. Bringing your struggles in the light is crucial.
Something that I do to reboot myself… maybe it helps you, maybe not. I go outside, leave my phone behind and walk to clear my head. Find a semi private place, a bench in the park, rocks on a beach etc and sit down. There I let go. I acknowledge I’m powerless against my addiction and that I’m failing and fighting is hard. I connect with my HP. Sometimes I scream, cry or nothing at all. I allow myself to feel whatever might come but I don’t take those as my truth - like things will never change, I’m doomed to fail. I lay down shame, blame and self hatred. It can be an utterly cleansing journey.
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i’m supposed to be praying constantly. I definitely can’t do this alone. My mind is literally screaming for poison. And yet, i know it’s all just a lie. Thank you so much for the kind words. What stinks is i’ve been fighting this pretty consistently since 2001. I’ve taken in so much information, and my training, my planning, my tactics, all go out the window when i need them most. I know where i fail. I need to do a better job at praying early and often and limiting my impulse to get online for anything.
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Earlier today I had some temptations for porn and I’m glad I’m reading the forum now.
I joined SA (sexaholics anonymous) years ago but didn’t really start working it until about a year ago.
I’m sober from masturbartion for 7 months and porn for about several months with a few slips.
Escapism is a huge issue for me and I’m constantly running from reality and binging on tv shows and movies on my phone. Sometimes legally sometimes illegally.
I can honestly say that having a sponsor in SA has been the biggest help.
The steps are essential. They are not just worked once but rather over and over again on deeper levels and areas of life.
The biggest thing I’ve learned is that I don’t have the “willpower” to stop but I do have the will to be willing. The rest is up to my Higher Power. I’m putting in little effort and He does the rest.
Daily prayer is essential even when it’s a quick short prayer.
Just wanted to share.
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I’m also on the fence but here’s my view:
I’ve had such a negative relationship with my sexuality for so long that when I find a healthy sexual relationship and I find that my thoughts leave PMO and turn towards the sexuality that IS in line with my moral values, I let it pass. I can spend energy working against things that will take me away from my SO and not something that could bring me closer.
I have also had, in the past, a tendency to obsess about fantasizing over my SO. If it were to get to that point again where I am using them to escape, it would be no different to me than acting out.
Bottom line: if it helps you to grow closer to your man, my opinion is go for it. If it starts to cause problems, consider finding a different outlet.
On a slightly different topic… I’ve found that the best thing for me to get over fantasizing about people or PMO is creating. Woodworking, painting, cooking are my go-tos
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For me, I reserve toxicity level 10 for acting out. Level 9 for ritualizing behaviors such as turning off by filters, keying in nasty search terms, hunting and seeking, cruising for sex providers, etc. Level 9 is also a reset.
It sounds to me that your level 10 that you’re describing could possibly be an 8? If so, that’s a really tough place to be. I think I was at level 7 yesterday. It’s been awhile since I’ve heated up my brain that hot.
Anyways, I know about the powerlessness thing. My flesh can’t be trusted. I was trying to stay on prayer. And I think that helped a lot. I was playing my audio Bible while working yesterday. I’m glad I didn’t reset. Today is a new day.
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Same here. Today i focused on spiritual things and prayer. It was a good day. Didn’t allow my brain to search for anything all day. On to the next day
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I have been struggling with p*rn addiction since I was in my early teens(now 29). I knew it was a problem for awhile but I continued to chase a dopamine high like I do with many other things. Last night I was in a video call with a stranger online attempting to please myself. About 10 minutes in I was being blackmailed to send them money or they was going to send out the screen recording they got of me to all my friends and family. I have also been having issues sustaining in the bedroom with my new gf and it has been giving me extreme anxiety and I feel as though she is pulling away bc she isn’t getting the attention she deserves(although I think she deserves it and more). I said all of that to just start a discussion. I have been doing better the last few weeks not watching but I continue to have relapses. Today is my first day of sobriety and I just wanted someone to talk to that is going through the same things I’ve been going through for years.
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Welcome, friend
We are here for you
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