That’s literally my life right now man, two jobs and exercise. I focus a lot on trying to get the sets in no matter what, and a lot of times I end up just doing them at work with no one’s looking (pushups, body weight squats, planks). Attention is key and when you have a lot of responsibilities, there’s just no room for messing around so it’s really helps.
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Even thought it’s been really tough to not have that release, I’ve noticed some small changes. For example, my eyes used to always wander and look at other people sexually, even though I never wanted to, it would just happen. I haven’t really been doing that though since quitting. It’s kinda refreshing!
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I used to do that a lot more as well but I still do it, unless I’m rushing around. It seems deeply engrained into my values, and reminds me that quitting is like penance for every stupid glance I take that I shouldn’t.
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Set some goals and boundaries what do you want your life to look like if your addiction wasn’t an issue…
Rediscover yourself… what are things and activities that are productive and that you enjoyed before addiction got rooted
What is the root or trauma that led to addiction? How do you work through that(This would require professional assistance)
I’d recommend reading a couple of books; Every Man’s Battle by Steve Arterburn and Fred Stoeker, The Garden Within by Dr. Anita Phillips, and Damaged But Not Destroyed by Mike Todd These are books that either address sexuality and/trauma from a Christian perspective
I’d also recommend journaling… getting your thoughts and emotions out of your brain. We have an average of 35000 thoughts/decisions in a day… it may be helpful to get them out so you can effectively process them.
It would be easy for me to say replace a negative thought/habit/action with a positive/productive one, but that takes time and effort… hopefully the suggestions that I and others have given might help in that endeavor….
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Hey everyone I’m 9 days in and starting to feel a little bit better had a really weak moment last night but I pulled through and I’m going strong with it despite still not feeling the best about what I have been through with this addiction it’s a little more freeing to finally feel like I’m not gonna let it hold me anymore and reading everything you guys have posted in here has really been helping me a lot and thank you all for your words of encouragement
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Oh thanks. Nice to know
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Wanted to check in here. Things going well. I have pver 40 days under my belt. I am trying to just keep going 1 day at a time.Also trying to treat my wife well and not use her as a vehicle for lust too. Any advice on how to not lust after ones wife?
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Hi,
I was rereading your post and wanted to respond…
1st off, I wanted to congratulate you on realizing your challenge and deciding to face it as well as your H.O.T. Ness (Honesty, Openness and Transparency) towards your girlfriend.
2ndly, You are in a great place in your journey towards recovery! It will be challenging, but think of how great it would be to have control over something that once held you under its sway! I would suggest that you find someone who can help you with accountability and helping you get your thought life about sex and intimacy to a healthy place, maybe a counselor or therapist. You may want to journal and set up some goals and boundaries and share and talk about them with your girlfriend, so that she can support you
Hope that this helps and walking out this journey with you (at least virtually)
Grace and Peace to you….
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I think you’re on the right track, you recognize that you don’t want to treat your wife as an object or as a tool for your sexual desires. Here’s an idea, try serving her… anticipating/discovering what her needs (non sexual) needs are the small things that make her smile or feel secure and do them (without the expectation of reward). Rediscover her value as a human being, a woman of autonomy, and as wife. Rediscover your value as a human being, a man and as a husband. Try to honor your wife as well as yourself for the amazing people you are instead of just objects for sexual fulfillment.
Hope that helps….
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I’ve been playing with the idea that cravings are like a rebel force of insurgents trying to stage a coup to overthrow the newly elected governor (the part of you trying to move forward with a good plan for the future), and that you have to get several things working very well for them to believe in you as a leader - intimate relationship, friends , career, hobbies, family. They will stage propaganda campaigns encouraging relapse, and promise a return to the so-called “Good ol days”, even subtly with substitutions and rationalizations “Surely watching this music video isn’t cheating”, “Surely ‘accidentally’ encountering certain images and videos isn’t cheating”, “I’m not cheating, I just want to know what happens!”. The worst part is the usage of the word “I”, which I think is a trick to give the illusion that free will is taking place during the take-over, like in 1984 where The Party slogan was “Freedom is slavery”.
Sounds a little weird but it’s just how I think about it sometimes, the scientific dopamine and neurology explanations don’t read the same way.
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Very well said. I like the analogy
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Anyone use an app to block sites?
Covenant eyes isn’t free. Anyone know if any other good and simple ones to use?
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I tried going the free route for years to no avail.
I’m glad I finally broke down to shell out the $18 each month to pay for Covenant Eyes. It’s worth every penny to me. I just needed the Big Guns
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Thanks Kevin. I’ve heard absolutely amazing things about covenant eyes.
Trying to find a free one.
I’ll see what I can find tonight and will test it out. Thanks
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I use covenant eyes and and my phone is basically impossible at this point. I think the accountability part of covenant eyes is helpful if you have a committed partner. I do think it is worth it even though it is pricey.
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Thanks. I have google safe filter on and as well as restrictions on iPhone safari. I’ve also added restrictions on Reddit.
Had a recent setback but getting back on the horse.
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Anyone want to be accountability partners?
I’m thinking about setting up a weekly or monthly zoom meeting where we just come on and talk. We can use nicknames and don’t need to turn on cameras. I can post the details if anyone is interested in it? Thanks
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I want to stop.
Today I have taken the first steps in the right direction for the right purpose. I am quitting porn and masturbation because ut has ruined so many things in my life. The shame has and always be unbearable but rather than fighting it alone.
I want to be with people who can help me. Travel alone and you are faster but travel with company and you go further.
I have had moments where I “quit” and forced myself to not watch porn and/or masturbate, but the thing is I did it for the wrong reasons and the way I stopped wasn’t stopping but simply withholding till I can’t. My intention for quitting has to be pure and goodwilled not just to have “better” sex or to simply keep an erection when with a person. Because of those faulty mindsets I lost and hurt people very dear to me and I left them confused. Their Image of me is shrouded in awkwardness and weird mystery because of my lack of communication.
This is my first time on a sobriety thing/app. I hope I can speak with people and learn from them and if I am capable in the future teach other people. I want to write more but it will be too much in one message. So please ask or advice anything.
Thank you for reading 
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Hey admitting it is the first step. That takes courage.
Getting your life sorted out in a seriously responsible way is the only way I see to enable the conditions so quitting can actually be achieved. There are real consequences if I pick it up again because I’m married, I have to set an example for my son, and outside of that there is a lot of work to be done towards our future. So there’s a hell to run from and a seriously positive future to run to. Try that general approach, it is the only thing that’s worked for me over the years. Without positive meaning to justify the struggle, the difficulty makes it easy to easy to give up and say “Fuck it, who cares?”.
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