It is and it’s better this way. I am 23 years old and I have so much to live for but porn and masturbation are the blemishes in my life. It has corrupted my growth, my school progress, my self esteem and relationships beyond what I could’ve imagined.
The moment I was exposed to porn and sexual activities I haven’t even reached double digits in age yet. Hearing stories from your friends when they got their first (french) kiss or when they first slept with a girl and me keeping silent because I had to keep it a secret that I started way earlier than them. It’s kinda disturbing.
Going on years later and it was just something funny or cool in pubescent eyes and watching porn was just the natural way, but it changed for me when I was fully training and immersing myself in masculine and testorone fueled behaviour that when I was with a girl I couldn’t even get hard and worse yet when I went home after failing I masturbated.
It felt so contradictatory to me “How could I not get hard?” “I train so much and got all these muscles and I look good. How could I have failed?” And in my stupid thinking I thought I could cancel out the ED with more hard training. Sometimes I still think this way, but who consumes both the poison and the antidote at the same time but a fool? It’s almost masochistic in a way how I can torture myself with behaving like that.
I have to let go of the poison for my sake and for God’s sake.
I think the reason we do it even though it’s causing all of these major problems is because we trained our physiological patterns to become so strong they can override free will, like when you get really, really hungry except this is like an everyday thing. That force/spirit/circuitry is alive, it has its own view of the world, motivations, reasoning skills, and it seems strikingly separate from ourselves. It also leaves you alone after you give it what it wants, and you can summon its presence pretty easily if you wanted to.
*The main reason I came to this conclusion was by deliberately watching that transformation takeover slowing it down, essentially getting a 2nd person point of view like when someone says “I don’t know what happened, it was like I was outside of myself watching myself do it and then I came back to reality”.
Once I realized that, the next thing was because deciding what am I going to do when I’m conscious, not dissociated, to make sure that circuitry doesn’t turn on and can’t take over again. If you have comparably strong obligations and responsibilities, they will take the helm and you’ll be controlled/regulated by that instead of impulse and cravings. They only seem to come back when I’m insanely bored.
Hope that helps, and if you get a craving just imagine you already relapsed because that’s what’s going to happen anyway - you’re still going to get cravings because they’re never really satisfied.
It doesn’t matter if you satisfy your craving. What that will do is come up for more because these lustful cravings are never really satisfied no matter what.
How beautifully you have put it. Great job.
It’s better to not satisfy it and keep moving forward and it will diminish its holding over you.
For reference, I am just doing what I have learned from people I frequently read and listen to like Jordan Peterson, David Goggins, Jocko Willink, John Vervaeke, Bret Weinstein and Andrew Huberman.
I’m living proof that this the truth. 24 years of this nonsense.
Days, months, doesn’t matter. That craving happening, it’s insatiable.
This has been the thing that’s ruining my life for decades. I’m on the precipice of it taking everything from me. Not to mention my lying to cover it up. I desperately need to start my confession tour with a therapist. I’m just so tired of fighting this.
It will never be satisfied… at least that is my understanding and experience.
And the more we go towards it, the more and more we want it. Think of it like a baby . They are innocent. They have not been exposed. They don’t know the evils that lurk in this trap.
When they are exposed, early on they still don’t realize the hold this temptation can have on them.
Until finally someone is hooked, and by then it’s too late. Schools honestly need to do a better job of training kids on the harm of pornography and indulgence in it or masturbation. I grew up in the 90s and besides the sex education they give in grade 5s which was absolutely pointless, they don’t touch upon the greater evils that lurk and are tied to sexuality.
I heard a great interpretation of part of the whore of Babylon story in the Bible today. I cannot remember the entire thing, but what really stuck out was the part where he said something like “The consequence of having limitless gratification is the destruction of gratification itself. Nothing is satisfactory, nor can you be satisfied.” I don’t know this story at all, but that really hit me.
Having a moment… I miss the dopamine hit that I used to get from watching porn or masturbating or having “NSA” sex…. Not enough to pursue it or go back into a spiral, but enough to recognize I must pursue wholeness even more and intentionally engage in more meaningful expressions of joy and love and real self care and care for others……
it’s just a lie. The dopamine hit is a poisonous lie, keeping you on the wheel. I’ve dealt with this addiction Most of my life and i have to constantly be on guard. I’ve gathered so many tools over the years to deal with this addiciton, Easy Peasy was a very good tool. What’s helping me at present is just not evening allowing a stray thought to dominate me. STRAY THOUGHTS, WHEN LINGERED ON, ALWAYS LEADS TO SETBACKS WEEKS LATER. ALWAYS! It’s never a little thing to have a sexual fantasy, it’s never a little thing to let your eyes linger on an attractive face NOT YOUR WIFE. I have this cognitive behavior therapy thing i do, might seem like a little thing but it stops me from going into this fantasy trance for more than 5 seconds, i just simply rumb my wedding ring with my thumb. That’s it. The other day i was at one of my favorite restaurants and this lady who works there is attractive, whatever, just a human being that i dont need to stare at, but respect. She comes over and we start talking about food, i show’d her my favorite food around the area and we had a great conversation. She walked away and i rubbed my ring a few times. Yes, it was an innocent nice conversation, nothing to it of course. I rubbed my ring for the man i fight to suppress, that ‘little monster’ who likes to take things to the next level, exaggerate what happen, all with the thoughts of GETTING A DOPAMINE HIGH, WHICH LEADS TO YOU KNOW WHERE.
It’s like putting out the fires before they consume you, day after day, while showing deep respect for the real love of your life, My wife.
Sorry for the rant! But this is a subject that i’ve been talking about for decades.
My comment was just a rant… I think we all have moment to where we tempted or feeling some kinda way… and I tend to feel my feelings deeper than most people… but the truth is I know better….
The original post was just a rant of what I was feeling in the moment… my emotions and their expressions tend to be profoundly deep and intense… one of primary ways I’ve been able to maintain freedom is to admit what I feel when I’m feeling it… and allowing the feelings and the thoughts that trigger them float away down the river… realizing that I don’t get to choose what thoughts enter my mind or what emotions they may trigger, but I do get to choose what thoughts to meditate on and how I respond to what in feel…
Keep running brother! I’m coming up on a year, it seems like yesterday I thought that no one could not do it every single day, but here we are kicking major ass.
