About to make 30 days next week, it’s taken me so long to be able to make it this far again, what a drag pace of a journey that was, I have a few more 'whys" now that incentivizes me even more to not relapse now, it’s helped keep the memory fresh as to why I’m doing what I’m doing. I want sheer will, and I swear I will succeed
3 Likes
Hi, 3 days sober today, I want this to be the one that ends it. I’ve been dealing with a breakup and things are kinda bleak, but I want this to be over. No more porn, none of that, I hate it and I hate that it’s a problem I have to deal with. I figured putting my thoughts down here would help commit
3 Likes
Welcome @mainstreet - you are not alone in your struggle. It is possible to be free of porn, and free of obsessive thoughts and feelings. It is a learnable state; it is a new way of thinking and feeling, which frees you from the chains. Welcome to the group 
2 Likes
Good for you @Msoulheart01! It is a long journey into the heart and the mind, to find recovery, but it is worth it. Welcome to the group!
1 Like
Thanks i appreciate it 
1 Like
How do maintain your sobriety after 2 weeks, a month, 90 days?
Because i feel like people get it in their head that after some time that they feel comfortable and feel like they can masturbate once without porn and it’ll be nothing it won’t lead them back into porn. But i feel like if they were linked in the past that it’s hard to separate the two now.
If you do one it might lead to the other.
So then what do you do with urges after 90 days? Just Urge Surf, use the urges to look for a mate?
Or should you be a year sober before you start dating?
Also i am struggling in my faith, so i feel like i should solidify that before i start dating, so in the mean time between that and dating what do i do with my sexual urges?
My parents went on vacation the other week and i had a lot of relapses then.
I think my triggers were boredom, and stress.
2 Likes
For me, that’s complacency, when I’ve been doing the next best right thing and remaining sober, after a time, I get the notion like “yeah, I got this under control” and I slowly start distancing myself from the steps and actions I was doing that were working. The frequency of meetings and calls I make lessens until I get to a point of isolation and acting out again. For me, it’s a form of self sabotaging.
Continue to do the things that got you to those 90 days. The urges will come and go always, as we are addicts l, and it doesnt just dissappear. The way we handle those urges, triggers, and character defects is what changes in us from what I’ve experienced, seen, and heard.
I believe that’s determined on a case by case basis or based on what your sponsor says.
Along with those is the acronym H.A.L.T ( hungry/angry/lonely/tired). If you are exhibiting one or multiple of these feelings at once that could be triggering and leading to the onset of relapse. So, what can you do when you recognize it looming over you? Be intentional about reaching out before acting out.
I hope some of this is helpful and resonates with you. TFLMS 
Easy peasy explainer of what pmo is doing to your brain!
Stress: Life is stressful, and even minor stresses can bring urges to someone. After PMOing, they feel a boost, but have far more tension than someone who isn’t addicted. Prn destroys your nerve and courage, leaving DeltaFosB to form powerful neural water slides in its wake, progressively destroying your ability to say no. Prn does not relieve your nerves. Rather, it destroys them. Also, you get pushed into crossing the red line, and when you fight against this, or succumb to the temptation, that generates more stress. Boredom: When you have things to occupy your mind that aren’t stressful, you probably won’t get urges. But when you are bored and have nothing to do, then you have nothing to distract yourself from the stress, and thus you turn to supernormal stimuli. Boredom is just a state of mind. In reality, prn makes you more bored as it encourages novelty seeking. Concentration: Prn is a distraction which prevents you from having concentration. When a non-user has a mental block, they don’t turn to prn, they just get on with it. Relaxation: Prn is not relaxing. It’s a frantic search for the right video + hiding it from others + straining on the leash of crossing over the red line, so how is that relaxing? The porn addict can never be relaxed. There is another smoking analogy: Smokers are relaxed after they smoke, but they’re nervous and upset when they can’t smoke. It’s the same with porn. Non-users don’t get nervous when they don’t watch porn, because in reality, porn is the thing making you feel like you are uncomfortable and thus need relaxation. PMO increases stress and in some cases it is the root PMO makes you more bored PMO doesn’t help with concentration rather it makes you distracted PMO doesn’t make you relaxed rather it makes you uneasy and easily irritated.
Thanks for this.
I read that book, but probably need to read it again.
1 Like
I found myself looking at my co-worker sexually twice now. Never when she was standing face to face with me though.
It’s only been me looking at her butt.
I immediately regret it.
I should have kept my eyes on her face.
That way we could work professionally with each other well.
Now i feel like she’s avoiding working with me since she thinks I’m perverted.
Help. How do i fix the work relationship?
My plan is to just start treating her like any other person at work.
We are cleaning around a pool, filter house, and bath house.
I could ask her how far she got with an area, ask her questions, tell her if the area she did looks good.
1 Like
Great strategy, we get caught up in shapes, hips butts thighs and stop seeing people as people. Getting to know someone for who they are helps rewire or brain script.