Good. I played Yu-Gi-Oh btw so I completely understand. I really think the best defense is getting life under control around the habit you’re trying to quit. Somehow I had success with other black holes like Yu-Gi-Oh, video games, this is like the final boss though. Need a high level of integration because it’s way too easy to have 5 minutes alone, so to speak, whereas the other things take up way more time. Good luck though, sounds like it’s working. Respect.
Hi Olivia,
I’ve been doing good, thanks for asking. Just been keeping busy with work and the family this summer. Helps keep me sober.
How are you doing?
Thanks
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Loved your entire post. I’ve been fighting this addiction for decades. I’m at a 97% win rate when you factor days to issues. But it’s not just about a streak. It’s moving forward from things that no longer serve me. I deleted my favorite game 3weeks ago as it pushes me to shame amd pushes me you know where. It’s one day at a time, with the focus on gratitude ands giving off myself to my family. I also start every day with self care via walking or lifting weights. I’m a person that’s barried himself in shame and guilt. Therapy has helped me find better coping strategies amd be more mindful of how I’m feeling what’s happening to me. When it comes to my brain, i have to go on the offensive, recovery podcast, spiritual food for my brain, if i don’t my default settings will take over.
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Day 0 again, completely forgot about substitutes as a category of thing to be very wary of. I thought I was smart avoiding things like music videos, movies, etc but this was stupid.
One moment I’m looking at interesting custom throwdown rugs on Etsy, 40 minutes later I’m resetting the timer. Sounds dumb but it’s true. Got all the chills and shakes and nausea that come along with it too, which I also forgot about. Now I’m really warm.
The plan to get back after it is going to a confession on Saturday, haven’t done that since I was a kid but I think might be a good way to update the strategy. I had a year, a short slip up like this then 2 years, then this slip up. So I know it’s possible. It just feels like I’m trying to get the engine in the car to turn over so I get moving again.
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Hi, new here. Im a sex addict. Not sure if this is how to post so let’s see.
Hey there,
I’m also new and wanted to share my experience with porn in hopes of overcoming these urges once and for all.
I’m 31, live in Germany, married and have one child, so there are many reasons to quit porn. It’s day two for me at the moment, but let’s start from the beginning.
My first contact with porn was at age 9 in the form of magazines, I don’t know whose they were, but some friends and I found them in the attic of our apartment building.
Later, at the age of 12, I was introduced to porn videos. A friend of mine had a whole hard drive full of them. So whenever I was at his place, we would watch it and even masturbate together (which feels really weird now, while I’m typing this. He is 3 years older by the way).
We moved places when I was 13 and I wasn’t able to visit my friend all too often. But I did get access to the internet. And the internet is a huge place where you can find everything, especially when your parents don’t control, monitor or care what you do.
Back then, there were some TV stations that would broadcast softcore porn movies or ads with naked women. These were my go-to sources.
Eventually another friend would introduce me to certain websites, where I could watch more than the aforementioned clips and movies. By this time I was about 15 I think. And from there, I consumed it daily. I never even noticed how it impacted my life, but I spent a lot of time searching, watching and masturbating. Most of the time it happened out of habit or boredom.
What’s bad about this is that I remember so many names of actresses that I just can’t erase from my mind and I feel ashamed.
Fast forward a couple of years, I’m 20, I got my driver’s license, my degree, I’m doing sports regularly and generally doing fine in life. My consumption went down from daily to weekly. Some times I wouldn’t consume anything for a couple of weeks because I read you’d perform better in sports if you don’t masturbate. But I never managed to actually get away from it.
At this point in time, I still didn’t even know there was such a thing as “porn addiction” as it has been a normal part of my life for so long.
A few years later, I met my now wife for the first time. During this period, I studied computer science at a college and went to the gym about three times a week.
She lived in a different city and after a while, I moved there so we could be together. We’ve been together for half a year and I didn’t consume porn once during this time. I didn’t even think about it.
We were so happy together.
But one evening, I was at my place and she was at home, we were talking on the phone while I set up her computer, swapping some of the hardware and installing everything she needed. It stressed me out so much that I said I needed some time and that I would call her when I’m finished because I’ve been sitting there the whole day to get it to work.
While I was waiting, alone, a thought crept into my brain. “Hey, remember that old movie you once saw? You know, the one with the sex?” (not a real transscript, but you get the idea).
So I looked it up.
I didn’t manage to find it, but I found a whole lot of other stuff.
Half a year without touching it whatsoever, and then this?
In the end I’ve watched a couple of softcore clips, found a hardcore version of one of them and even started masturbating. But in my mind I thought “I can’t orgasm to this, it would be cheating”, so I went through my files on the phone where I had some spicy photos of my partner and finished what I started.
But the damage was already done. Porn has found its way back to my life. And it never vanished. It still follows me. It still haunts me and I’m so weak because I have never managed to actually beat it. Not even therapy helped me in this matter, though it did help in dealing with depression.
Now, almost nine years later, we’ve been married for six years now and have a son of three. Life is not easy and I haven’t treated her right for a while.
She caught me in the act a couple of times which only worsened our relationship.
After a huge fight a few days ago, I told her the truth, that I haven’t stopped consuming porn. It was a monthly cycle: get urges, watch porn, masturbate to it, do this 1-3 times in the time span of up to 3 days, regret it, keep everything a secret but tell yourself this was the last time, repeat
My wife is definitely better off without me, because I’ve been so bad to her.
But even though I mistreated her, she’s the one who is the most supportive and helpful. She is a saint, really.
I couldn’t stop for her, I couldn’t stop for myself, how can I stop this madness? I want to become sober for good!
I’m an addict and I’m looking for ways to overcome this sickness.
This is my last chance and I do not want to ever look back at the mess that I was. I want to become a better person, one step at a time.
I can’t tell you how grateful I am to have such a wonderful person by my side and I’m so ashamed to have done this all this time.
I hope sharing my story will inspire people with similar backgrounds and I’ll update you on any progress.
Thanks for reading this.
See you and stay strong
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Don’t try to read minds or make assumptions. That’s something you should avoid in general, but especially with sex and lust addiction: the phrase “my wife is better off without me” is your addiction speaking through you. Lust wants a whole library of partners, just like a whole library of porn. Saying “my wife is better off without me” is a focus on you getting “liberated” from your existing commitment so you can have other partners (or a focus on you living in a full time porn fantasy world, which is the same problem: living without accepting any healthy commitments). It is not actually about what’s best for your wife. It is actually your addiction seeking what it wants: full-time lust, and zero boundaries or commitments.
Sorry to hear you’re in such a rough spot. I’ve been in similar spots and I know it’s hard.
Have you looked into a systematic addiction recovery focused program? I use the Sexaholics Anonymous program: www.SA.org
Don’t give up. It is possible.
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Thank you for sharing, and welcome to the community!
You mentioned feeling ashamed a couple of times, feelings of shame are another way for the addiction to dig its claws in and try to get you to act out. Shame isolates us, isolation leads to acting out.
@Matt has suggested in the past to liken addiction to a physical health issue such as diabetes. You wouldn’t feel ashamed for having diabetes, so don’t feel ashamed for having an addiction.
I know it’s easier said than done, but it will get easier with time.
It’s not that you are a bad person with bad morals, quite the opposite, the addiction is driving you to act against your morals.
I’m glad to hear you have your wife’s support, and it sounds like you really want to recover from the addiction.
You’ve also tapped into a great community of porn/sex addicts on here, so lean on us when you’re feeling low - while it’s great to have the support of your wife, we will understand the addiction in ways only a fellow addict can!
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Welcome Bryan,
I hope this thread helps you as much as it has helped me and others on here.
Don’t be afraid to reach out if you’re feeling down. We’re all here to help and support each other, and stay sober! 
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Attempt to find conviction for change. Shame and guilt are decent reflections eventually, at the beginning, find conviction, find reason for change, or shame and guilt will just weigh you down.
The thing about beating lust, is i find, finding a passion to go after. Something positive will help focus past the need for lustful things.
Yes, you will have to go back and truly find why we went to lustful things. The mussing pieces.
But, learn to find or bring out your passions. What do you like doing, or wanted to learn and focus.
Not in like a isolation type obsessive way.
It can be good to connect or talk with others who share those ideas or passions with.
Ruling in most addictions is the need to connect and find more meaningful moments.
There is good on the horizon, just have to move out of your own way.
Find a common goal in your workouts too, some goal. Can be small or big. It’ll help energy movement going forward.
Forward is key, shame and guilt not so much, right now. We already feel pretty stupid in our actions.
No need to continue to dwell.
There is a balance in all of it, while moving away from lustful things.
Anyways, hope you’re doing well.
Thanks for openess.
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Hi I’m Ajiro and I’m a porn and masturbation addict and last night was my bottom line I relapse twice in two days to hardcore porn and I couldn’t take it anymore I wanted to end my life I’m tired of relapsing falling behind, going two or three days only to fall back again I’m tired of this vicious cycle I wanted to end it all so I can finally have peace and be free from this torment I don’t want to live like this I’m 31 years I’m single, not married never really had an serious relationship apart to porn and masturbation watching this porn and masturbating was the hard knock to end my life a friend in recovery pleaded for me not to do it so I’m going to yield but have promised myself that this is the last time and I know have said to many last time and I know also it’s not by will power so I want to be accountable I want to be active in the porn addict anonymous meetings and recover, I want to be better. I noticed after my first relapse to porn I numb the feeling and never really talked about it I’m not making that mistake again. Please I need help
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Hey Matt,
thanks for the reply!
I never thought my addiction could influence the way I express myself. Thank you for telling me, this is definitely news to me which I need to digest first.
I’ll also look into the SA program, thanks for the recommendation!
It’s awesome to have found this community and I have a good feeling that being here frequently will help.
@rich369 It’s hard not to feel ashamed after what I’ve done, but you are totally correct. It won’t get me out of these habits if I give in to negative emotions and let myself feel down a lot.
It is a new beginning of a journey that I want to successfully complete, not just for myself, but also for my wife and my child. This addiction has changed me and only worsened my life, so I must not let it affect me anymore.
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It’s easier to keep the heart clean than it is to clean it after it’s been defiled.
Thank you for coming back and reminding me how cunning this can be.
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Welcome to those who have recently joined. Please stick around and read. Deciding to pursue sobriety is fairly equal to saving one’s life. Your addiction is enslaving you to its desires and it does not care for your wellbeing. It will consume you and everything you have until there’s nothing left.
The good news is that there is hope. As long as you’re alive, there’s hope. The cycle can be broken but it is going to require effort. I’ve said before that dealing with an addiction of any kind, is like waging war at 2 fronts. You fight your symptoms (lust, urges etc) on one front and your underlying issues on the other. If you don’t engage with both fronts, you will be defeated. In other words, distracting yourself in the daily (like exercising, reading, mediating) in order to not act out anymore is necessary but not sufficient. You have to dig to find root causes because your addiction is a mere symptom of something deeper. An addiction is usually a coping method that has helped you dealing with a bigger issue.
Please seek what help is available to you locally. The internet has vast resources too. Some benefit from a programme, some therapy, some a combination of these. Either way, stay true and honest to yourself and to those you’re accountable for. Come out of hiding and stay connected.
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this is so so true, I think as a person, I cannot have too much cognitive dissonance, or seperation.
Ending day 21.
I’m just glad to be back, with a stronger foundation, within the strongest leader.
All things I gain from this isn’t because of me, its because of Him. His ability to clear what doesn’t matter, to create a space to bond with things that truly matter, goes unnoticed. For he pulled me out, I just had to listen, to open my heart.
This, this is what sobriety is about.
I tried to battle it myself, I fell. I thought I was walking into a good situation, but over time it proved to be lust, not love. It grew worse.
Then things got even worse for 3 weeks.
I’m just truly greatful to be back. Here God stands leading me through it all. I will follow Him, i’ve accepted in my deepest of heart, that there is no going back. There is no moment in which sexual lust will deliever me anything good.
Its leads Man to brokeness, weakness and ill direction.
…
Sexual lust is just a different beast.
Goodnight, to those who believe or don’t.
Stay strong.
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Im 1year and 6months 26days sober from porn I have learned that the struggle with addiction requires a community of people. the battle can’t be won alone
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This is where I found my local sa meetings also there are books like, Unwanted that can help put our struggles into perspective
Just wanted to come on here and surrender the lust I’ve been acting out with the past few days.
Starting again. Day 2 today.
Hope everyone is doing well.
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Good for you on coming clean. Honesty is the starting point for recovery. How are you today?
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