1 month and 2 days sober from masturbation.
1 Like
I’m an atheist. I don’t buy into spirits, gods, or imaginary lifelines. So when you tell me to ‘pray,’ all you’re doing is proving you’ve got nothing real to say.
A lot of atheists find a higher power in recover. Its actually step 2-3 out of the 12 steps.
Thank you @Stopping44 for this reply I wanted to say something on this but I read your reply I’m not angry recovery is a choice if there is something have learnt in this recovery is that you can’t force people, you can only do as much as you can, number I didn’t know he was an atheist, number two I said higher power I didn’t say God or gods or spirit, whatever is higher than what you can comprehend pray to it. Well thank you @ComplicatedFantasies like you said I have nothing meaningful to say, so moving forward I will drink my water and mind my business when it comes to you @ComplicatedFantasies
3 Likes
1 month and 3 days sober from masturbation
1 Like
I’m looking for real help. I typed out my struggles in depth and I’m supposed to be thankful for someone replying with one sentence saying “find your higher power”?
As someone who’s had similar issues to you (I used to abuse grindr and similar websites), there are multiple things you can do, which work on being levels.
I put parental controls on my app store so it was harder to download “dating” apps, not impossible because I could go back into the settings and turn them off. I used a blocker that blocked the use of certain apps, websites etc.
I found and now go semi-regularly (once every 2-3 weeks) to a therapist who is experienced in working with sex addicts. She’s great, and is really really helpful.
I go to SAA meetings and have been doing so for over a year now, although I only started working my way through the steps a few months ago. I consider myself agnostic, so I did (and to some degree, still do) struggle with the god/him/his language in the literature, but I’ve put time into thinking about what a higher power is, what it means for me, and while I’m not perfect I am getting better at “translating” the more religiously charged language into something that works for me and my recovery.
Have you written out your “three circles”? Can you identify when and why you are getting triggered/urges? I think recognising and understanding why you are feeling the way you are feeling is important to help avoid slips/relapses.
you’re on a forum with addicts who are more than likely in a 12 step program who have discovered some form of higher power as their ultimate source to finding recovery. Our go response that we have found helpful in surrendering control of addictive behaviors is access to a higher power.
There is a section in the AA big book that talks about those that done believe in god. I think it’s call we agnostics or atheists or something. Might be worth reading.
I think the point that someone was making is that if you don’t like the advise you don’t have to be a jerk in your response to people who were genuinely trying to help and don’t know your beliefs. Maybe next time just say thank you and move on.
3 Likes
I genuinely don’t understand how I’m not supposed to be upset when I had serious urges at the time and someone told me to simply pray. That does absolutely nothing for me or anyone. Praying is wishful thinking to me. I didn’t mean to be a jerk. I was angry because I relapsed.
Well you need to get over the prayer thing or figure out if asking 12 steppers for help is the right avenue for you. For the majority of us who are working or have worked the steps have figured out a higher power. It’s steps two and three where we discover our higher power and admit our powerlessness over our addictive behaviors. Even a lot of atheists and agnostics have discovered their higher power through working the steps. To us prayer and our higher power is our lifeline to sobriety. So to us that’s some of the best advise we have to offer sometimes because that’s one of the main things that keeps us sober.
take the advise you like and forget the rest but don’t expect prayer to not be advised on just about most posts in here. If us mentioning prayer is too triggering for you then this may not be the best place for you.
I’d recommend looking into SAA and attending meeting finding a sponser and start working the step. Maybe start talking to other atheists who have found their higher power who may be able to help you with yours. For most of us a higher power and prayer is synonymous with recover and sobriety. So try not insulting us over something you don’t seem to understand .
1 Like
1 month and 4 days sober from masturbation.
1 Like
Hi there, and welcome to the forum! Please take a moment to read around, since this place has a lot of life wisdom.
It’s also worth mentioning that this forum is about peer support. No one’s “licensed” to help. We can only offer what we’ve found and what has helped us on the way. Some are religious and some are not but we still respect each other.
I’m sorry that you didn’t get what you needed when you reached out. However, I think your anger is missdirected at someone’s beliefs, when in reality, you’re frustrated at relapsing. You are free to disagree on religious issues but please don’t insult those who find faith important. Since you’ve made your stance clear, I doubt think anyone would impose religion on you personally on this thread. Take what is good and let other things go.
As for your story, porn really messes up our brain. It enforces a lust that we wouldn’t necessarily live out in real life. I’m straight and married to a man, but when in active addiction I would fantasise about women too. My natural desire does not, however, go for women AT ALL. I don’t get romantic or sexual feelings for women in real life. So I understand your confusion. A therapist told me that there’s a mixing of desires that happens when we’re exposed to material we can’t handle (if we’re too young e.g.). I did acknowledge those feelings in my self and kept pursuing recovery. I knew myself well enough that I was certain there was no profound gender confusion.
What are you doing to tackle your addiction? Do you have professional help? A programme? Addiction in itself a symptom of deeper issues so I highly recommend to find what is available to you.
3 Likes
Let’s not dogpile. This poster was looking for help, nevertheless.
6 Likes
1 month and 5 days sober from masturbation..
1 Like
1 month and 6 days sober from masturbation..
1 Like
Replying about your comment that prayer does nothing for anyone.
Im not religious, but I find that the prayer my sponser does for me at the end of our talks is one of the most powerful parts of it.
I still have a difficult time praying for myself, because Im not that connected with it, but that’s on me and my conditioning, not on prayer - and I have an openness to learn more about it.
Why knock something so heavily and rob yourself the chance to experience something other than what you already believe to be true?
2 Likes
1 month and 1 week sober from masturbation
1 month 1 week and 5 days sober from porn
1 month 1 week and 6 days sober from dating apps
1 month 2 weeks sober from social media
Prayer to my higher power has been one of key strength to my recovery
I use to be the guy that couldn’t go three days without relapsing all through January 2025 I was relapsing like crazy but see how my higher power has sent me free on all cases I use to struggle with I tried it my way it didn’t work so I decided to try it in anyway I can I gave up self to pursue a higher power greater than myself and I find it, I’m living proof that if my higher can set this guy that use to relapsing once or twice or thrice in a week if he can set me free then he can for anyone
3 Likes
Hey there,
I’m now sober for more than 3 months, getting closer to my personal best (about 10 months) day by day.
I feel a lot better, knowing that there IS a way without porn. But I must not become complacent and think I’m “healed”. It probably won’t ever leave. Explicit images or videos are burned into my mind and try to find their way back and ruin me again.
Some days my mind tells me to “have a quick peek” which triggers my curiosity. Thankfully I have been able to resist and plan on doing so for the rest of my life.
Staying off of this nasty stuff has helped me become a lot calmer and less impulsive. Still, I need to remind myself everyday what could (or will) happen if I give in. As my nickname suggests, I don’t want to relapse ever again.
About the latest discussion, I have this to say:
“Live and let live” and please don’t be offended when someone shares ideas or opinions that you personally can’t identify with. We’re all here to help each other and I’m glad to have found this forum. I check in everyday and I’m proud to be a part of it.
Keep on going strong, people!
6 Likes