This last time quitting smoking I had a revelation…
I’m not only addicted to the nicotine; I am addicted to quitting nicotine.
It’s physical and emotional; it’s demanding and all consuming. There’s ritual involved. It’s new but not new. It’s exhausting and rewarding.
I’m still not sure what’s behind it. I’ll let y’all know once I figure it out. All I know is that little piece of information has made this time quitting much less stressful and much more empowering…and so close to being 3 months!
When I read this, I felt like somebody punched me in the gut. I almost started to cry because there are moments (fewer than before, thankfully) when my mind tries to persuade me to relapse.
Knowing that this is common and not just my own personal problem, shows that porn is the real monster. And seeing it for what it really is, as described by @Olivia , I can’t help but feel even more remorse, shame and disgust at what I’ve done, not only to me but to my partner.
Sometimes it’s hard to understand what my wife has been through, but in the past few days, I’ve managed to get through this mental barrier, that kept me from feeling guilty for what I’ve watched.
It’s like my mind didn’t want to take accountability for what I’ve consumed, only for the consequences.
I consider myself a very lucky man to have a wife like this and I know how communication is key to everything. A lesson I have learned very late in my opinion, because if I had been more open and honest about this topic, we’d be the happiest couple on Earth. Without porn, both of our lives would be absolutely amazing. But since I’ve made the mistake to keep it to myself, I’ve jeopardized our marriage and it shows.
If it wasn’t for her, I’d be a divorced and lonely man.
Instead, we’re still together and the second child is on its way.
I understand that it’s difficult for her and I feel like I don’t deserve the good life I have, but that could be the addiction speaking.
I’m 25, and got introduced to porn at 11. At 16 I was able to quit it entirely till the age of 23. Then I had a full blown relapse at 23 which dragged on to just a few hours ago. I was able to go sober for 2 months at the end of 2025, but I fell back in again. The most I can go without porn currently ranges from 10 to 20 days, only to relapse again.
Words can’t begin to express the anguish I am in right now. Add on top of that the loneliness brought on by shunning from church fellows with whom I once broke bread with, constant anxiety and bouts of depression have become the norm.
But I am happy to have at least found people going through the same situation as mine. My timer starts in about 30 minutes.
I’m sorry to hear you are struggling. Porn, Masturbation and Orgasm (known here as PMO) is something a lot of people on this forum struggle with.
The most important things I can tell you right now is You are not alone. As you said you have found a safe place to talk about this affliction.
@Olivia , @ICanAndWill , @Mtrav0040, @GOKU_SS4 are all really good people to look out for who have eloquently opened up about their struggles and are really supportive. I’ve more than likely missed people who are equally great as this forum is so inspirational for those fighting addiction.
Ask any questions you feel need answering, express how you feel. Don’t let the shame keep you in the dark. Its how it wins.
The anguish you speak of in your post struck a chord with me because its always after I’ve relapsed I feel that. The shame washes over me and I feel anxious, on edge, irritable, snappy. I am not pleasant to be around. I’m learning that I cannot go near it else it just drags me back in.
One of the things that struck me was that you did so well being abstinent from it for so long. To do that you will have learnt things, things that may not be within reach right at this moment, but you have walked this path before. Could you tell me about how you managed in your long period of abstinence?
Its ok if not. I am on day 13 currently. My longest ever streak is 42 days. Seeing how long you went is inspirational. You have it within you to do it again.
Thank you. I have no problem sharing my experience at all.
What helped me abstain from porn for so long was an abnormal OBSESSION. But I should also add that I was only able to have such an obsession as a result of extreme guilt and a desire to become better.
I became obsessed with my studies. I was in high school at the time. After almost flunking grade 10, I locked in on my studies and became very much obsessed with them. But I had an even greater obsession: the Bible. I obtained some commentaries and reference works and took a scholarly approach to studying them along with the Bible. I read those books everywhere. It was quite abnormal really, carrying voluminous books around school. But from 2017 to 2018, I religiously read and studied those books literally every minute I could find. To this day, I am shocked just how insanely obsessed I was during that period. I guess it was really my search for spirituality that drove me.
But it is noteworthy that during that time, I cut out social media, YouTube, movies, and yes music, specifically rap, hip hop, rnb. . . you know the types. I would satisfy my love for music with classical music instead. I have been abstaining from these things till around the beginning of 2022.
Life was grand and everything was going great. So I became complacent. It started with a single movie. Then I hopped back on social media. Then I went back to watching YouTube. THEN the relapse. I wasn’t keeping up with my study routine as before. I stopped doing that which has proven so successfull in the past. And now here I am.
I am literally afraid of going back to the routine I had during my period of sobriety because I’m not sure it is sustainable now. But I have decided today to delete YouTube and all social media accounts, and to stop watching and listening to movies and some genres of music again. Indeed, this is very extreme, and in fear of going back to it, I have been putting off the decision. Quitting these seemingly harmless forms of entertainment is what helped me in the past. I have come to realize that they are hardly harmless when they are saturated with girls in revealing clothing or enticing sex scenes.
But I am now out of options and strategies so I made the decision to quit them. I’m just not sure if I have the willpower and discipline to recreate those conditions again. But I dare to try.
Hi dears, I’m new to this app. I find it very useful as part of my toolbox for staying sober from my addiction to porn. I’m now 31 days in my streak of sobriety. I’m very committed to my recovery and want to have a great community like this one to encourage each other and make it together.
Hello and welcome. It’s brave of you to share about your life and struggles. It’s important to bring things to light in a safe environment and to be honest.
When we give up addictive behaviour, it creates a void. Suddenly there’s more time, more chances to think and feel. A void must fill up WITH SOMETHING. This is where we might develop a transfer addiction. It sounds like that happened with your studies.
Recovery is not just about quitting or replacing addictive behaviours. On one side, yes, the addictive behaviours need to be unlearnt and better coping mechanisms found. On the other side, it is a journey into finding roots why we became addicted. You see, an addiction is a symptom of other underlying issues. We must put effort into both sides of we want to keep recovering. Everyone’s journey is different but I do recommend finding a programme or even professional help. Peer support is helpful, too.
If you scroll back to the beginning of this thread, I’m sure you’ll find resources and stories that could be beneficial to you.
You are perfectly justified in closing out any social media account that you don’t feel safe having. I’m sure you’re familiar with Matthew 5:29 “So if your eye causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away…..” Which is what you are doing by disabling these accounts.
Hi Olivia, thank you very much for your insightful comment. I must admit that I may have substituted one addiction for another, and that it is best to find out the root cause of my addiction and tackle that instead.
Thank you very much. Will definitely be working on your input. Much appreciated!
I have especially found Instagram to be the worst trigger of all. One thing always leads to another and, before you know it, you have crossed the line.
