Thanks for the support guys. Would really appreciate if you all included me into some active threads for this addiction. I do need a little more accountability in my life. I live in a rural area and there aren’t any groups in my vicinity that focus on sex-based addiction.
Mtrav the threads related directly to porn/masturbation/sex addiction run pretty hot and cold sometimes but a lot of what is talked about in other threads does apply. I understand about the rural area, I have to drive 30 miles for my meetings, you can always look up online or phone meetings SLAA which is what I attend has some form of meeting nearly 24 hours a day.
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Surveys show that about a third of pornography users are actually female.
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White knuckling it today. Ugh, temptation everywhere, trying to escape the not-so-fun parts of my workday with screen time. I’m such a screen addict too. I think I may need to uninstall social media platforms from my phone or leave my phone in my car when I come into the office
I’m 10 days clean. Feeling a little overwhelmed with the growing to-do list at the new house.
Bit I’m trying to check the negative talk by reminding my how much I prayed for this blessing. I am also trying to keep the idea of avoiding a “hard rock bottom.” These hypersexualized videos that I crave can get me in a load of trouble if it were found out that I have watched them during work hours. A small slip could get me fired. That is a sure way to risk losing all that I have worked for. Because my job is in service to the public it could be a very messy and high profile mistake. The sort of mistake that could completely tarnish my reputation. Finally, the time that I waste gooning over boyish and unrealistic fantasies is time that could be spent constructively.
Checking in, still clean.
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I think a huge takeaway is that the porn industry is powerful and dangerous. They’re slowly working to normalize violence and abuse. Pornography use is damaging to individuals and families. It damages neural connections in the users brain and skews their view of what a healthy relationship should be.
Yeah, theres obviously a problem with abusive men our there who habitually consume porn. Let’s not forget though that it’s not men that are the problem, it’s the environments they are being raised in and the influences that are being placed on them. That doesn’t rid them of accountability for their actions, it just gives us more empathy for why they are what they are.
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This thread is appropriate, however I have a thread that’s dedicated specifically dedicated towards that.
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I have not checked in a while. This is turning out to be more of a struggle for me than I thought. Once I get busy or stressed I get this f*** it attitude and that is not good.
Getting back on track now though. Will check in more often.
Thanks for the support.
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@Rayrock glad you recognize what brings on that attitude, it means that now you can recognise it before you relapse, big win!
Went to my first meeting in a while. It felt good to be back in a room face to face with others working on recovery.
I would recommend it to anyone struggling with SA and I need to keep going for myself.
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Before I moved I was doing one meeting every week. Now I’m doing two and it makes an enormous difference.
Do you find yourself getting more benefit from the sharing part or the listening part?
Ray that’s a real good question. I get a lot out of talking about stuff/getting things of my chest but hearing others talk about some of the same things I’ve gone through help me realise that I’m not alone.
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I completely agree with what @Pirate said. Sharing keeps me accountable and I feel better about myself when the group continues to accept me despite the things I’ve done.
It helps to hear others share because it reminds me that I’m not the only one who has felt those feelings. Self worth has been a common share in others’ shares recently and it helps me to hear because it’s something I’ve struggled with so much.
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Thanks for the replies. I was asking because right now I get more from listening to others. I have shared in the meetings but it still feels a little uncomfortable to me. It seems like while I am listening to others, I have these things pop in my head that I want to share. But then when I go to speak they escape me.
I think part of it is just feeling uncomfortable opening up and part of it just not being great at speaking in front of others. I think it goes back to just feeling socially awkward which I know is part of how I got where I was.
Did you find that it was difficult at first to talk and it got easier later on?
Thanks.
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I’m not sure where you are with the steps, but I’ve always found that sharing my first step with the group makes it a lot easier to share because you become so much closer to them in that process.
But I’m going to two meetings in the area now, and it would be unusual to share my first step at both. So at my other meeting I just make myself say something every week. It doesn’t need to be a profound share. It just needs to be honest. Others are more likely to interact with me after the meeting if I’ve shared and we’ve realized a common theme in our experiences. I almost always stick around for the post meeting chat or coffee hour. That also makes it easier to share more next time.
Do you have a sponsor you can talk to about this?
I don’t have a sponsor and I guess I’m not really working the steps, so that may be part of the issue. I have not been consistently attending the meetings.
I have not really opened up and talked about my experiences other than my appreciation for the group and what I relate to from what I hear.
I think I just have to be better about attending and it will get a little easier for me.
Thanks for the feedback.
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I dont have a sponsor or work a step program either. What I do is have an open line of communication with friends that I confide in. Several of the people on this forum I text with now. It’s been awesome. I do it daily, so sobriety stays at the top of my mind through the day.
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After realizing that I had an addiction, I looked back at my life and tried to figure out what pain I was trying to escape from. I believe that some of it stems from being adopted. I think that is a contributing factor but not the only thing. Since there are many adopted people that don’t suffer from addiction.
I think that I have some ingrained fear of rejection.
About a year ago I submitted my DNA to one of the testing sites. I recently received a message from someone who is likely my second cousin. Based on non-identifying information I received from the state where I was adopted and this second cousin’s help, I think that I have identified my birth mother.
I am not sure if I am going to reach out to her or not. This has been a lot to think about over the last couple of days. I am not really sure what I would want from her other than knowledge of my birth father and any health information. It looks like she has a family now and I have no interest in disrupting her life.
Not necessarily looking for feedback on this but any thoughts are welcome. Just thought I would throw it out there to get it off my chest a little.
I have not acted out in over two weeks which make this more interesting for me. Not necessarily more difficult but just a whole range of emotions.
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@Rayrock that sounds like a lot of weight to carry, take a few days/weeks to make a decision, talk to some people before and after you’ve made your decision and most importantly remember you have support!
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Hey everyone. I have been gone from here too long. I am not sure why I stopped coming on here but it was not a good decision. I went back to my old ways thinking I could control it but I was wrong (again).
Anyway I am committing myself to being more engaged on here. Thanks in advance for the support.
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