I think a huge takeaway is that the porn industry is powerful and dangerous. They’re slowly working to normalize violence and abuse. Pornography use is damaging to individuals and families. It damages neural connections in the users brain and skews their view of what a healthy relationship should be.
Yeah, theres obviously a problem with abusive men our there who habitually consume porn. Let’s not forget though that it’s not men that are the problem, it’s the environments they are being raised in and the influences that are being placed on them. That doesn’t rid them of accountability for their actions, it just gives us more empathy for why they are what they are.
I have not checked in a while. This is turning out to be more of a struggle for me than I thought. Once I get busy or stressed I get this f*** it attitude and that is not good.
Getting back on track now though. Will check in more often.
Ray that’s a real good question. I get a lot out of talking about stuff/getting things of my chest but hearing others talk about some of the same things I’ve gone through help me realise that I’m not alone.
I completely agree with what @Pirate said. Sharing keeps me accountable and I feel better about myself when the group continues to accept me despite the things I’ve done.
It helps to hear others share because it reminds me that I’m not the only one who has felt those feelings. Self worth has been a common share in others’ shares recently and it helps me to hear because it’s something I’ve struggled with so much.
Thanks for the replies. I was asking because right now I get more from listening to others. I have shared in the meetings but it still feels a little uncomfortable to me. It seems like while I am listening to others, I have these things pop in my head that I want to share. But then when I go to speak they escape me.
I think part of it is just feeling uncomfortable opening up and part of it just not being great at speaking in front of others. I think it goes back to just feeling socially awkward which I know is part of how I got where I was.
Did you find that it was difficult at first to talk and it got easier later on?
I’m not sure where you are with the steps, but I’ve always found that sharing my first step with the group makes it a lot easier to share because you become so much closer to them in that process.
But I’m going to two meetings in the area now, and it would be unusual to share my first step at both. So at my other meeting I just make myself say something every week. It doesn’t need to be a profound share. It just needs to be honest. Others are more likely to interact with me after the meeting if I’ve shared and we’ve realized a common theme in our experiences. I almost always stick around for the post meeting chat or coffee hour. That also makes it easier to share more next time.
I don’t have a sponsor and I guess I’m not really working the steps, so that may be part of the issue. I have not been consistently attending the meetings.
I have not really opened up and talked about my experiences other than my appreciation for the group and what I relate to from what I hear.
I think I just have to be better about attending and it will get a little easier for me.
I dont have a sponsor or work a step program either. What I do is have an open line of communication with friends that I confide in. Several of the people on this forum I text with now. It’s been awesome. I do it daily, so sobriety stays at the top of my mind through the day.
After realizing that I had an addiction, I looked back at my life and tried to figure out what pain I was trying to escape from. I believe that some of it stems from being adopted. I think that is a contributing factor but not the only thing. Since there are many adopted people that don’t suffer from addiction.
I think that I have some ingrained fear of rejection.
About a year ago I submitted my DNA to one of the testing sites. I recently received a message from someone who is likely my second cousin. Based on non-identifying information I received from the state where I was adopted and this second cousin’s help, I think that I have identified my birth mother.
I am not sure if I am going to reach out to her or not. This has been a lot to think about over the last couple of days. I am not really sure what I would want from her other than knowledge of my birth father and any health information. It looks like she has a family now and I have no interest in disrupting her life.
Not necessarily looking for feedback on this but any thoughts are welcome. Just thought I would throw it out there to get it off my chest a little.
I have not acted out in over two weeks which make this more interesting for me. Not necessarily more difficult but just a whole range of emotions.
@Rayrock that sounds like a lot of weight to carry, take a few days/weeks to make a decision, talk to some people before and after you’ve made your decision and most importantly remember you have support!
Hey everyone. I have been gone from here too long. I am not sure why I stopped coming on here but it was not a good decision. I went back to my old ways thinking I could control it but I was wrong (again).
Anyway I am committing myself to being more engaged on here. Thanks in advance for the support.
Hey all, just checking in at 60 days sober from P/M. It’s really been remarkable the waves of temptation that come and go. Occasionally I’ll think markedly about how much I’m enjoying a moment without thinking pornographic/sexualizing thoughts, and I’ll try to remember the purity of that moment. They just feel better, less tainted with guilt, secrecy – all that.
I do have to say it’s interesting how some days, when I’m feeling like I’ve gotten past this thing, I wonder if I was really addicted. Then a few days later, a wave of thoughts will rush past me. It’s so strange how this has been working for me, entirely built in waves, the ebb and flow of sexual thoughts passing and lingering in my mind.
All in all, I think I’m at a positive place right now. Just some thoughts to get on the page.
The addiction has a way of speaking to you. Usually it comes in the form of saying that you weren’t addicted in the first place and that moderation is okay. It’s tricky like that.