I started my days off exchanging pics/chatting with people too. I think for me it was my way of feeling loved, I mean they had to love me to share such intimate things didn’t they? Of course that was just the addicts way of justifying the things I did and the high I got from it even if I did feel like crap the rest of the day.
2 Likes
I had no idea I was so basic! This whole time I thought I was special 
Yes, 100% about feeling loved. It was like, why would he tell me such delicious things about myself if he didn’t care for me? And he did care for me, I can’t speak poorly of him at all- but he didn’t care for me in the way that I genuinely want to be cared for. My daily morning photo shoots were an act of devotion to him in my mind. However, what we had wasn’t what I want, and I know that. I remember him and my husband texting me at the same time and always opening his first. Aside from the physical memories, that’s one of my hardest ones to carry(does this need a trigger warning? Do yall use TW/CW here?)
BUT my husband is a saint and has walked this path with me. His texts are always answered first, and will always come first in the future.
3 Likes
lol, yep aren’t we all so special!
Sometimes I would feel annoyed when she would text, it would take my attention away from those that I thought really wanted me. It really hurts to realize how much of a fool I was. The last time I had any contact with any of them was to tell them I wasn’t doing anything anymore, then I blocked their numbers.
Thank my Higher Power my wife didn’t leave me, we’re walking the path of recovery together now and in ways we’re closer now than ever, of course there will always be the past between us that raises it’s ugly head from time to time but today is SO much better than yesterday!
4 Likes
I’m on day 64 and my husband turned to me this weekend while he was driving and said “you know, things are better than they’ve ever been”. It genuinely made me feel special and not in a compromising way.
My husband’s decision to stay is what made me start believing in a higher power at all… I’m sure that’s cheesy as hell but its real. I felt forgiveness for the first time in my life when all along I genuinely identified as the snake in the bible (my childhood was messy). I had talked to faith leaders about it and they all left me hopeless. And then this nerdy software engineer forgave me and showed me what faith is.
I’m glad you’re wife’s also a rockstar at life 
️
6 Likes
After a weekend of little or no temptation, I woke up thinking about PM. Almost slipped.
Having a better understanding of myself and this addiction, I think this is the due to going back to work today and not sleeping well.
Going to work out instead.
3 Likes
I feel like almost everything is a temptation for me at this point. I’m barely on day one and I’m ready to give up.
2 Likes
There are some people who have been here much longer than me and can give better, more targeted advice, but one thing I’d suggest is to learn from every experience, every trigger, every relapse.
If you’re certain you want to give it up, keep fighting.
3 Likes
The addiction still has a hold on your brain. All you have to have for step one is a desire to quit. For most of us with sexual addictions, there’s an underlying cause in why we use. Many of us see up preliminary steps, internet blockers to restrict use early in sobriety, then learning to curb and control cravings. When we relapsed, we analyze the events that led up to the relapse and learn from it. Learning what justifications you make and what triggers you have is literally half the battle.
Avoiding triggers is a short term plan though. Learning to not compromise when you feel like you should indulge a little is vital. If you say, I just need a little release, you will undoubtedly full on relapse later.
3 Likes
I am by no means an expert but I think that what was eye opening for me was getting an understanding of what your brain is doing related to this addiction. Also, realizing you are not alone in this very helpful. Perhaps a couple of sessions of therapy with someone who is trained in sex addiction might help. It did for me. Although I went back to some of my old ways, I did it with an understanding and tried to pay attention to what I was feeling. I thought I could control it but learned I can’t do it on my own.
I think it goes a long way to understand the science behind this and you realize that you are are probably getting a ‘fix’ in a way you didn’t realize was possible. If you can look at your behavior from the outside, you may see patterns or rituals that you have. If you can change those, it may be easier.
One of the common suggestion is a 90-day cool off period of no activity. You may want to do some reading on the subject if you are not ready for therapy or meetings.
1 Like
I’ve got 36 days of sobriety from pornography today and this has been one of the longest runs of my 6 years of recovery. I think that what changed for me is finally accepting that I am not ever going to find what I really want in porn. It also helped to deal with the underlying problems that I just didn’t want to face. Taking care of the financial situation that was giving me anxiety, removing my perfectionist attitude and refusing to feel shame after a relapse are a few. Now, when the addict rears it’s ugly head and tries to tempt me I ask myself a couple questions: what am I trying to avoid with this? Am I feeling anxious about something? Am I lonely?
How is pornography going to help?
What can I do instead?
The ‘what I can do instead’ has been come here and read threads, post silly pictures and be in contact with other people. Be honest and open, if I’m struggling with something, talk about it. I cannot do this alone. The addiction can only push me farther away from human contact which is what I do deeply need and desire.
5 Likes
Just checking in. Today is day 11 for me. Looking forward to the next milestone at 15. I like the way this app shows the milestones. It is kind of like a game.
Urges are still there but don’t seem as strong but definitely strongest in that first 30 minutes after waking up. Just have to watch out for other triggers during the day.
Went to second meeting yesterday. I like the meeting because you can see and listen to others that are going through this. Not sure about working the 12 steps though.
2 Likes
I am a porn addict too. Your situation is very similar to mine. Today I relapsed. And here I found a lot of people like me. I am dealing with this since I was 13. Now I am 42. Sad but I need to recover and to seek for help wherever I find it
1 Like
I am 46 and it has been a problem since being a teenager also.
Don’t dwell on the relapse. Try to learn from it. Reflect on why it happened not that it happened. Other than the feeling of the need to do it what else were you feeling.
Have you heard of HALT. Hungry, angry, lonely and tired. These lead to acting out a lot.
For me, I also have patterns to watch out for. Like getting up every morning and grabbing my phone and looking at porn. Now I come on here instead.
I also have to redirect my stress relief into exercise and if I have any kind of physical pain it could be an issue.
4 Likes
I set smaller milestones for myself. The timer allows you to set custom milestones. I just hit 90 yesterday, next 100. Then day 106 is my son’s birthday, so I set a milestone for that. Any and every event. It breaks sobriety into bite sized chunks
6 Likes
That’s a good idea and gives you a more manageable goal. Also always remember you just have to make it through today and then tomorrow you can work on making through that day.
It’s funny, I was running the other day and I was comparing the recovery process to the run. I was trying to get to four miles and it was very hot (in Texas). I kept wanting to quit. I always break the run into smaller pieces when that happens. I just say to myself, I just need to get to that tree or light pole up ahead that I can see. Also, I run on a trail and it made me think just stay on the path, too far left or right and you could slip.
3 Likes
I’m also a runner. You should join us on the Strava thread
Yes I heard about HALT. My main trigger is stress and to think I am not able to fullfill my duties. I look for a place to escape of my responsibilities
Stress and anxiety are major triggers for me, too! I find myself saying “I have a million things to do! I can’t possibly get a million things done today!” I had to listen to my self talk. It is so easy to get overwhelmed when I magnify my duties into an insurmountable number. I have to make a list now. I list all the things I need to do for the day and check them off as I go. I usually put ‘make a list’ at the top so I can check it right off and get some momentum going. Remember there is no shame in being imperfect. Let go of perfectionism and be happy!
3 Likes
I would definitely say that stress has been and still is a problem for me also. I think that finding a healthier outlet for stress release that works for you is key. You will see a lot of people turning to exercise.
One thing I noticed recently is that I induced more stress when I was talking up my time looking at porn or leading a ‘double-life’.
I have heard many people mention the letting go of the need to be perfect or a people-pleaser. I hadn’t thought about that before but it makes sense since I think a lot of our stress is self induced.
1 Like
Thanks for sharing. And for the good advices. How do you deal with unexpected events?