Ray congrats on taking a positive step and using the tools you have in this fight!
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So I just got back from an SA meeting that I am so glad I went to. I debated about going today.
The topic was about being your adult self vs being your child self. It was refreshing to hear everyone talk about this feeling about being stuck the emotional level of a child/teenager. Realizing this is the age when we probably started acting out, it made a lot of sense. The recovery process feels like becoming more of an adult. Taking responsibility for your actions and not everything is easy.
Just though I would share since it really struck a chord with me.
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Ray I’ve find that when i debate about going to a meeting it usually means I really need a meeting. Glad you went!
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Thank you for sharing that! I agree that being in recovery is a lot like a course in growing up. I was living my life like I was 10 yrs old. Everything was about me, if I didn’t get my way I would throw a tantrum, I hid from my emotions rather than learning how to deal. If I have learned nothing else it’s that I’m responsible for me and how I behave.
Glad you made it to a meeting!
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Wow, going through something really similar… Thanks for sharing! 
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You spoke of faith community and praying in the morning. Could you explain it a little bit more? I am interested in that. Thank you
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I just replaced my morning acting out with conversations with my HP. So instead of sending photos to my acting out partner I lay in bed next to my husband or go into the room I use to get ready and pray. I usually talk to God about how thankful I am to have the life I have, especially after my acting out.
Near me there are lots of faith communities that host morning prayers but they’re usually a little too late for me because I like to start work early.
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Thank you so much. In my case I know that my recovery is linked with my relationship with my HP. I thought I knew Him but I am far .I need Him I feel so so weak…
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I guess I am still in 13 years old level. Thanks for the sharing. It is very insightful
I have not checked in here in a while. I have not been completely free from porn but I don’t feel as obsessive about it as I once was. I really would like to stop completely but it is proving to be difficult. I felt great about myself when I was a month free.
Trying to get back there again.
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you are not alone my friend.everybody here have a story and together we struggle to make our life better.Post our story in this community at least encourage ourself and other that we are not alone in this fight.have a nice day
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Welcome back Ray, the fight is hard but the reward is oh so worth it! Keep coming back we’ll help any way we can.
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Thanks for coming back and wanting to quit porn again. Porn is harmful in so many senses. In y case I need stay away from it my whole life. I pursue total sobriety
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I’ve been following this thread for a while but haven’t worked up the courage to post anything until now. I have started another thread but figured I’d reach out for a little camaraderie with people who suffer like I do with porn addiction.
So, 7 days clean. I’m not perfect. It’s easy to forget or straight up disregard the reasons I know I shouldn’t use.
I am powerless in the face of my DOC. It’s hard for my ego to admit that I can’t do this on my own. I need help.
Today I feel like I have a good thing going. I kept telling myself whenever my mind would wander to into lustful thoughts, “Don’t fuck up these good things you have going just for a moment of pleasure.” True joy is actual thing you’re seeking. Joy is never found hiding among streaming porn videos on the internet or in the bottom of a bottle. Joy is found in connection with other souls. My son, my wife my family, my friends, with my higher power.
I’m not “less than” anyone else. I’ve just made the mistake of numbing emotional pain with obsessive thoughts over pleasurable situations. I must correct myself and seek joy in connecting with others.
We’ve finally closed on our new home. I was spending time there last night, unpacking and whatnot. There has been a nasty and cold storm the past 24 hrs and while I was inside the new house I was amazed how quiet and warm and cozy the place was despite the dreadful wind and rain. I felt like I’d made a good choice and that I was capable of making good choices. I began to see a joyful future under this roof if I focus on my sobriety. At the same time I saw the possibility of watching those dreams for a bright future crumble of I don’t seek help with my problems.
Thanks for reading. Hope you’re all staying strong.
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Welcome Mtrav and congratulation on finding the strength to tell us your story. The feelings your having sound just like the ones I had early in my sobriety, concentrate on the positives of staying sober and reaching out when you need help.
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Hey @Mtrav0040, I can relate to everything you said. Especially having just moved myself. You know what’s great? You and I both get to live somewhere we’ve never acted out.
I am extremely forgetful, that voice starts to creep in and I have to stay focused on the reasons I want to stay sober.
Something I’ve been struggling with for years (getting better slowly but surely) is the whole notion of being an addict. I find myself in denial sometimes. And it doesn’t help that the world is filled with so many nay sayers that would have me believe “sex addiction” is just an excuse, a get-out-of-jail-free card, to justify my acting out. But the reality is, if it were that easy I wouldn’t have cheated on my wife the 8th f***ing time feeling like a prisoner inside my own body, crying on the way home. Much like my friends from high school and college, watching porn would have been a phase, and after months of therapy I would be “fixed” and never would have looked at porn again. And if I weren’t an addict, the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that AAs and NAs post on here wouldn’t hit home so hard.
Well, that got a little long, sorry. Glad to have you sharing with us. Hope you have a sober day tomorrow.
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Thanks for the support guys. Would really appreciate if you all included me into some active threads for this addiction. I do need a little more accountability in my life. I live in a rural area and there aren’t any groups in my vicinity that focus on sex-based addiction.
Mtrav the threads related directly to porn/masturbation/sex addiction run pretty hot and cold sometimes but a lot of what is talked about in other threads does apply. I understand about the rural area, I have to drive 30 miles for my meetings, you can always look up online or phone meetings SLAA which is what I attend has some form of meeting nearly 24 hours a day.
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Surveys show that about a third of pornography users are actually female.
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White knuckling it today. Ugh, temptation everywhere, trying to escape the not-so-fun parts of my workday with screen time. I’m such a screen addict too. I think I may need to uninstall social media platforms from my phone or leave my phone in my car when I come into the office
I’m 10 days clean. Feeling a little overwhelmed with the growing to-do list at the new house.
Bit I’m trying to check the negative talk by reminding my how much I prayed for this blessing. I am also trying to keep the idea of avoiding a “hard rock bottom.” These hypersexualized videos that I crave can get me in a load of trouble if it were found out that I have watched them during work hours. A small slip could get me fired. That is a sure way to risk losing all that I have worked for. Because my job is in service to the public it could be a very messy and high profile mistake. The sort of mistake that could completely tarnish my reputation. Finally, the time that I waste gooning over boyish and unrealistic fantasies is time that could be spent constructively.
Checking in, still clean.
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