These are some photos I took while vacationing in Maine. The last photo is me. In that photo my heart had just been broken and I was going through one of the most painful times in my life… And yet, I was the strongest I’ve ever been. I took a week away from everything and found myself while in Maine. I found my strength, Independence, and happiness.
My goal for 2019 is to find that girl again buried deep down somewhere within me.
Nope! The first photo was from my trip to Seattle over the Christmas break and the last two are from my walk in Central Park yesterday afternoon. Both are products, as are all of my photos, of two of the habits I’ve developed since becoming sober: walking and going to parks. 
I love these, I live in Maine. I was thinking as I looked at them, hey that looks like our water, how cool! Then, I read it was! Lol. I hope you find that girl again this year, I know she’s still in there. 
They’re from Two Lights State Park & Camp Ellis Beach. I love Maine, one day I would love to live there. And thanks, I hope so too!
This was what I woke up to on Christmas morning, at a resort in Utah. My heart was shattering, my alcohol problem had just (yet again) torn my life to shreds, this time costing me the best person who had ever come into my life, the first person to show me what it meant to truly be loved.
And I was just over 24 hours sober. Losing him was what finally brought me to my breaking point.
But on this particular morning, I was still extremely depressed, uncertain about life and the future. I walked out the door of my hotel room to this idyllic winter wonderland, this picture perfect Christmas morning. It broke my heart even more, because all I could think was how much more perfect and picturesque it would be if he were sharing it with me.
I cried a lot that day. I tried to keep the feelings inside, not to bring everyone around me down, but the tears had a mind of their own.
I had no idea when I snapped this photo what the day had in store for me.
I ended up at this resort because my stepmother wanted me to accompany her and her friend on their little Christmas road trip (they are both Chinese and mostly needed a go-between who speaks English well, lol…but more than that, I think given the events of my life in the 4-5 days prior that she and my father thought getting away for a bit would do me some good.)
I had no plans to go on this trip, didn’t even know it was a thing until 2 days before, as the storm raged around me. But I discovered that it was exactly where my higher power wanted me to be.
This was the day of my spiritual awakening, a rebirth, and the true beginning of my sobriety and my new life. I don’t have the words to truly describe how powerful and life-changing the experience was. But this photo is now so dear to me, because it reminds me of a new birthday in my life.
This was the day I began to find the one thing in life on which I place a higher value than the love I found with my partner…my love and respect for myself: something I have been struggling desperately to find for at least half my life, if not longer.
So though I hate that this is what it took to break me, I cannot help but be grateful as well, because it is what finally allowed me to find myself…and that is priceless.
I hope you’ll all forgive my little storytime accompaniment to the photo, but I decided to share in the hopes that perhaps it may help or uplift someone else in some way!
This picture above was a few minutes earlier.
It was a walk with many faces!
Fairy Meadows, which is 3,300 metres (10,800 feet) above sea level, in northern Pakistan. Probably one of the coolest places I’ve been to. Altitude sickness is no joke though.
~~hope*~*~
there is No bad weather only bad clothes 
