I am very much affected by loved ones struggling with addiction. My beautiful dad just lost his battle with alcohol a little over a year ago with what would be his final binge, 7/11/2021, and I have been on an unhealthy downward spiral since. It was horrifying what I went through as a child seeing him suffer, having seizures, full blown DTs, making sure he’s breathing and all this started about age 9. He had always drank, but that’s when the alcohol really started to take my dad. I have been responsible in the past for having him put in jail to save his life and other’s when he would drive completely out of his mind which was incredibly hard and now fast forward to this and my own downward spiral.
I can’t even begin to explain the levels of guilt and devastation, but now I’m here and hoping for help from all of you.
Welcome to the site. You will have lots of help here to go through not drinking and a lot of your other needs and wants. The help is here for you. It looks like you’re finding your way around some and can see some of the diversity of the threads.
I’m glad that you have decided that you want a change for yourself. I hope that you will start to find joy when you are sober. Give it time let yourself get used to it. If you need to, talk to professionals for their help also.
Thank you so much. I am currentlly completing day two andoving on to day 3. I am checking into a mental health facility this weekend for help with my grief and overall depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I have loved reading through as much as I can and feel this app will help me immensely. Thank you for replying and helping me feel accepted. I still don’t really understand how to use this
A lot of people check in daily on the “checking in daily” thread.
A lot of people have their own post like you do here and continue to post on them also and/or in addition to the check in daily thread.
A lot of people post in the gratitude thread every day.
If you’re posting in group threads it’s easy for people to keep up with you and see your name and become familiar with you. When you have your own thread people can keep up with you also but it will Begin to go to the bottom of the threads when you don’t post. So it will not be as visible
Join and make yourself at home ask questions and be comfortable.
I’m glad you’re going to the Mental health Facility this weekend.
Condolences about your father dying. So hard and so much you’ve been through.
If you need help or something in particular is confusing, just ask and someone will reply.
There are lots of “threads/topics” that people are commenting on. Each time a topic is commented on it moves it to the top of the list.
The threads go to 2500 replies and then they are closed. There is a “trick” you can do to get to the bottom of a thread with a lot of replies but right now I am unable to replicate it to explain it.
I think I’ve seen the trick! Is it the little arrow that says “back down”? I’m not sure if that takes you to the bottom though. It might just take me to where I left off when I was reading down the line of comments.
Yes when it says back down, it should take you to where you read last.
And never be sorry, it can be overwhelming here at 1st. I was completely lost when I came here. I’m replying to what you wrote on the other thread, figured get you back on this one
I’m glad you’re checking in on getting some professional help, how long is the waiting list?
I’m sorry what you’ve gone through with your dad as well as his passing. I’m not sure how long you’ve been drinking, but you mentioned you’re becoming dependent. You’re so strong to admit that and take the steps you’re taking. You should be very proud of yourself!
I’ve been drinking for decades, but the most serious for me has been about the last 15 years. I’ve been wanting to quit for awhile especially after having some concerning medical results. The 1st time here I made it 22 days and relapsed, I’m currently at 35! I’ve never done that before.
So here’s my 2cents. Taking it one day at a time is crucial (ODAAT). HALT means Hungry, Angry, Lonely & Tired. All are common triggers. Make sure you eat and sleep, and I find having a list of things to keep my mind busy helps at other times. I don’t think down the road, all I worry about is not drinking today. Especially at the beginning, treat yourself often, every time you don’t pick up is a win.
I have been drinking since I was 14 I’ve always drank on the weekends and used to be the person to take care of the wasted friends or tell others to slow down, and I would never drink alone, but even back then I was exhibiting risky behaviors when I did it. I didn’t become the blackout depressive drunk I am today until about almost two years ago. The problem is, the bottle has no bottom for me anymore and I will find ways of getting more no matter what. I am constantly blacking out, bawling my eyes out, and being overly sensitive and starting arguments, and doing stupid things…but the falling, the falling is one of the scariest things. That was the beginning of the end for my dad. He had issues seizing when coming out of a binge and would be alone and hurt. Then came all the stumbling and getting hurt. When he reached 65 the injuries from falling while on a binge repeatedly almost took his life and caused several stays in nursing homes. As you can see, while my falls aren’t like his (yet) it’s a real mind F of a thing to deal with.
I started realizing my chemical dependancy when I would wake up with the shakes (seen that before) and one recent night of binging on February almost killed me. My friends said I kept stopping breathing and brought me home. Luckily I survived, but the next day I was shaking so bad it was similar to Parkinson’s is the best way to describe it. Later that night my face started to twitch and my lips curled and I couldnt stop them from doing that. I should have gone to detox because I know first hand you can’t do that cold turkey and I did anyway like an idiot. I went 30 days without a drink because I lied to myself and told myseld it was only hard liquor I had a problem with. Such bullshit.
I am 33 now and can see I’m heading down a horrible path. My dad didn’t become a full blown alcoholic until he was 24. It’s rarely the first sip that gets you.
I have to call everyday to see if there are beds available. They couldn’t tell me how long it takes. If things get bad, they’ve advised I go to an ER until a bed is available inpatient at the facility. The rep said it could take a week but I’m hopeful it will be this weekend.
Omg I am so sorry for this novel. I didn’t realize I had so damn much to say. I wish my dad could have had this app. He was such an incredible man when his demons didn’t grip him so tightly. So many looked up to him and couldn’t wait for his speeches at AA.
I’m so glad you’ve made it to day 35! That’s incredible and thank you so much for that advice! I remember my dad talking to me a few times about HALT. I’m so glad you brought that up.
I’m also doing damage to mine and my son’s relationship. I refuse to do that any longer. I refuse to let him know the pain that’s associated with growing up in an alcoholic household.
Wow, I can relate to you so much, the daily black outs, waking up with a shitload of bruises not remembering what I did. Not knowing what I ate the night before after seeing pans on the oven, commenting, well, I hope I enjoyed it. But thankful I didn’t burn the house down. The shakes so bad in the morning I’m thankful no one was here to see them.
I’ve also told myself a hundreds of times, I can have a couple, if it’s beer or wine. I drink the beer/wine and drive to the store for the 1.75 of vodka every time.
What I’ve learned, our inner voice is so loud and convincing, but she’s also A LIAR! She will lie to you constantly, she wants you to fail. You have to be stronger than her, learn tools that help you. Because early on, she will be screaming at you to drink. You can name her, my inner voice is named ‘bitch’ as in ‘Nice try Bitch’
You have someone special in your corner, your Dad. He doesn’t want you go down this path, he wants you to live a happy healthy sober free life. You got this girl! Keep coming back, posting, checking in. You can do this ODAAT.
Don’t be sorry, I’m glad you’re here. Keep coming back. How was the 2 weeks, did it help?
There’s a Checking in Daily thread that a lot of people post on, it’s one of my faves, but sometimes hard to keep up, it moves fast. But awesome people there. Also like Daily Gratitude thread. Helps some times when you’re feeling blue or not, you can write everything you’re grateful for. And Meme Wars is in my top 3, I like to check it out if I need a laugh. I was gone for a few days, but I’m back, but supposed to be at work right now.
I’ve always drank on the weekends and used to be the person to take care of the wasted friends or tell others to slow down, and I would never drink alone, but even back then I was exhibiting risky behaviors when I did it. I didn’t become the blackout depressive drunk I am today until about almost two years ago. The problem is, the bottle has no bottom for me anymore and I will find ways of getting more no matter what. I am constantly blacking out, bawling my eyes out, and being overly sensitive and starting arguments, and doing stupid things…but the falling, the falling is one of the scariest things. That was the beginning of the end for my dad. He had issues seizing when coming out of a binge and would be alone and hurt. Then came all the stumbling and getting hurt. When he reached 65 the injuries from falling while on a binge repeatedly almost took his life and caused several stays in nursing homes. As you can see, while my falls aren’t like his (yet) it’s a real mind F of a thing to deal with.
Keep coming back, posting, checking in. You can do this ODAAT. 
