I had to do a double take on that one. I thought to myself, “Is that something I wrote?” for a brief moment. So much of that speaks to what I have been experiencing emotionally. I love my boyfriend so much. He is a great man with a wonderful heart. But I at times worry that we are on different paths, and I don’t know where that is going to land us in the future. I broke up with alcohol and he has not. He did tell me that he took a couple days off a few weeks ago and that he recognized he needed to scale back and then stop sooner rather than later. However, it has such a strong hold on him that it seems like any attempts he makes to quit are quickly squashed by the disease of addiction. I hate to hear that you are still experiencing the issues with your wife’s drinking as well. It is a hard place to be in when you love somebody so fiercely, but feel as if the relationship gets crowded with the alcohol being an easy and frequent distraction. I have had to learn recently that the only person’s actions I can control are my own, and I just continue to love my life in the best way possible in hope to inspire others to be the best versions of themselves.
I continue learning this every day.
Thanks for your support.
She’s actually been trying to moderate the past couple of weeks. Well, we know how that goes. I try to be supportive in that. It is a disease. I’m not her caretaker or anything but it is still hard living with it day in and day out. I guess we all have our good days and bad days. Venting here sure helps.
I’m sorry your struggling with a loved one that drinks too much too. It seems like everyone’s life has been affected one way or another by addiction. It’s brutal.
God bless.
Not a good night tonight.
Pretty fucken awful to tell ya the truth.
Pretty bad scene in a really nice restaurant.
I guess I need to start coming up with some boundaries. Our lifestyle has always been going out to eat. I guess I could make a boundary like:
I am not going out to dinner if you’re going to drink.
I don’t know about lunch yet.
I have to keep in mind I cannot control someone’s drinking.
And I’m not cooking dinner every night either. Fuck that. I’ll make sure we got cereal and milk in the house. I’m gaining weight at all these nice restaurants anyway.
If often wonder what my responsibilities are to my children? They aren’t dummies. They know more about addiction than I do. Shit they schooled me. Mostly the hard way. And they did try an intervention last year. I guess I don’t want to be the guy that says. She’s always been like that. She’s their mother. They should know. I’m sure they know.
They don’t know about some of the scenes in some of the restaurants. I’ve always said she’s a harmless drunk. She drinks and falls asleep on the couch almost every night. To me it seems natural after all these years. Shit if I didn’t stop drinking 2 and a half years ago I’d be doing it too. This blows. Fucking sucks.
I guess I could try saying next time there’s a big scene in a restaurant I’m telling the children. But that seems more like an ultimatum. But something along that idea. And I’d have to be willing to go through with it. Which right now I am. 
I will continue to go to Al-Anon. When we get back from France. I’m not going now to any face to face meetings. I cannot get COVID. Not now.
And we have a friend, personal advisor, like a lawyer that’s a close family fiend. Actually it’s her friend. Or was her friend first. I’ve already texted him to see if we can talk tomorrow. Don’t know if I’ll tell her about that. He is familiar, and has been by our side for all her family’s history, 
and addiction and I think all the deaths in her family. All addiction related. Except for the dad who had Alzheimer’s.
Anyway. Just getting thoughts out here. My next step is drawing up some boundaries. Never done that before with the wife. But I do think it’s time.
Serenity fucking now man.
I’m happy I’m sober. I think I’m handling it well. I’m not going crazy or trying to argue with a drunk or fighting or going insane. Just taking it a day at a time.
If addiction is a disease. And I believe it is. And she’s getting worse…… I’d tell the kids if it was cancer or MS or diabetes. But this we got to keep secret. Right? Noooo!! We don’t have to. But it would certainly cause some chaos in my family. Like I need more of that. Fuck this shit!
And #fuckaddiction.
I’m sorry this is happening. It’s been happening.
The restaurant stuff is not good. You know that. And tomorrow I would think that she would maybe possibly hopefully think that it wasn’t good.
That’s two restaurants in your new town.
This should be one of the happiest times In your life for the two of you. It’s marred by alcohol.
I’m glad you’re going to meet your friend tomorrow. That sounds like a good plan.
I hope that there’s going to be a change some where some how. I so hope that there will be a change.
Big hugs sending strength and good thoughts to you.
I’m grateful that you’re committed to your sobriety.
Thanks my friend. I’m sure. Just like last time. She’ll be mortified. Don’t know if anything will change. But I’m going to do my part.
I am very much affected by loved ones struggling with addiction. My beautiful dad just lost his battle with alcohol a little over a year ago with what would be his final binge, 7/11/2021, and I have been on an unhealthy downward spiral since. It was horrifying what I went through as a child seeing him suffer, having seizures, full blown DTs, making sure he’s breathing and all this started about age 9. He had always drank, but that’s when the alcohol really started to take my dad. I have been responsible in the past for having him put in jail to save his life and other’s when he would drive completely out of his mind which was incredibly hard and now fast forward to this and my own downward spiral.
I can’t even begin to explain the levels of guilt and devastation, but now I’m here and hoping for help from all of you.
I’m sorry I jumped on here and started talking about my own shit 
I still don’t understand how this works exactly. I didn’t even see your post in here until I verbal diarrhea’d in this thread. I wasnt intentionally ignoring what you wrote.
With that being said, I am so so sorry you’re going through this. It has to be so incredibly hard on your sobriety dealing with this. It honestly isn’t fair. You are being incredibly strong and an inspiration. I hope your wife can find the help she needs to not wind up like her family 
I also hope she doesn’t drag you down. It seems like you keep your sobriety as number one right now, as you should. Hopefully she can get onboard and stop sabotaging things. I feel for you and your family. Keep strong. “Keep fighting the good fight” as my dad would say 
Hey Eric, I’m sorry you’re going through this, it must be so hard. From the little I’ve talked about my 1st husband, there’s a lot of similarities. I was the normie way back then. I understand not going to in person Al Anon meetings now, I’m in a high area too as most of the states are currently. I’m glad you have someone to talk to tomorrow, especially if he’s familiar. I hope venting here helps a little, just so you know, you are heard and we care. 
Hi Nikki and welcome. Have you just quit drinking a day or 2 ago? It’s very hard at the beginning on your own, this is a good place to be. There so much advice and a lot to read. You said you’re dealing with guilt, are you able to talk to a counselor? Sorry for all the questions, trying to make sure I understand. 
This feels like a secrets keep Dazercat sick situation. Do you need to keep this secret to protect her? What happens if you continue to? What if you don’t?
I don’t know the answers to these questions I’m just talking it out.
I don’t know the answer but I’m thinking of you and sending strength.
Hey Nikki, I see you opened up a new post and getting info, good idea. There’s so many knowledgeable people here to help. Posting on the Checking in Daily thread is a good place as well. It has a lot of activity.
Sorry, I’m still navigating this app and finding the right way to explain myself. It’s a constant struggle haha. I just completed my second day. I have done this before and had an easier time doing it, but here lately my body has started to become chemically dependent on alcohol. I know this from watching my dad suffer and having to help him (I feel guilt starting to go down a path that made my childhood so dark) I am also no longer the “fun drunk” I am incredibly depressed. I am checking in to a mental health facility here, just waiting for a bed. I have needed an overhaul on myental health for a long time.
Ask away on the questions. It helps me figure out where to start, if that makes sense. I’m sort of overwhelmed with the app, but you wonderful people reaching out has helped quite a bit. Thank you so much for acknowledging me and helping me. You are all so kind.
Thank you.
And no need to apologize.
This thread is for anyone. I’m glad you posted on here.
Well this morning didn’t go as planned. @Alisa
Usually she is mortified about what she did the night before. But she doesn’t remember. I asked her when she wanted to chat about last night? NEVER! 
. She went on full attack mode on me this morning about being righteous and judgmental. So I’ll let this all sink in. Didn’t expect that.
Welcome @NikkiK
I’m glad you found us. Whatever your problem. Your not alone. You got questions about the app. Just ask. The lights are always on.
@Tragicfarinelli thank for your words. I appreciate that. Yes our stories are different but we share what we can. Your share was is well received.
Thank you @TrustyBird
It’s not a secret. But I don’t call my kids all the time and tell them how bad she is. Like I mentioned. They tried to do an intervention last year. No luck. I’m trying to encourage myself to tell them more because I feel I have a responsibility to them for that. And maybe it would help. I don’t know.
Thanks Maxie my dear friend. @maxwell im so glad your here. I know you can relate.
@Mindymoo
And Mindy my dear, thank you for finding us here and being a huge spark 
of support with your experiences.
And thank you all for the love.
I’ll figure this out somehow.
And I’ll figure it out sober.
We jump in, thats how we talk. Im so sorry for your loss. Thats a hard one! Especially under those circumstances. My heart goes out to you
Thank you so much
I’m so sorry about your awful dinner out, and in a new town!
The best suggestion I have, so you aren’t eating cereal every night, is simply to go enjoy dinner alone.
As you know my husband is drunk from 1230 until 8pm when I scoot him off to bed. I have to work hard on being ok with going alone because after all, im married aren’t I? But honestly its much more pleasant for me. Im not embarrassed by his behavior and I get to enjoy my meal or whatever activity im doing.
Thats the best idea I have. I would not suggest stopping doing what you enjoy to cover for or take care of her and her actions though.
Just my 2 cents.
I hope today goes better for you after your rough morning. Sending you a virtual hug
Good on you Shaunda. You gotta take care of you too. Sending strength.
Hi Eric,
I wrote a long time ago about how my moms drinking affects me on this thread, she’s in her 70s, and about how it affects my dad. For a long time my dad hid the episodes from me until he couldn’t handle it anymore. We live 3 hours away so I am not there to see what is going on. I can honestly say that once I told him to stop hiding it from me it helped him a lot. This is not your secret to keep, it’s not your responsibility to your wife, and most likely once you open up to your kids they will be able to support you, if only mentally. They want to help you and their mom and maybe also can talk to her in a way that you cannot. Let them in I’m sorry you’re going through this.