Hi everyone 
The more time that goes by living a sober life (although still early days for me) Im realising how messed up my brain is.
I’m mainly referring to how up and down my moods/sense of wellbeing are. One day I will wake up and I’ll feel great, I’m happy, feeling energised and positive, just generally happy and grateful to be alive. Then the very next day, I can wake up feeling moody, irritable, hopeless and depressed. But nothing, not a single thing will have changed from the day before. I will go to sleep feeling great and wake up in a completely different mood to the day before. I could understand if maybe I’d had some bad news or I was worried about something but honestly, no change at all but emotionally it’s like black and white some days.
So I’m thinking. Ive spent the best part of 20 years (not consistently, but still…) putting different chemicals and toxins into my body that my little brain has had to deal with. I guess before when I was drinking/taking substances I always put my scatter brain down to being hungover/come down etc. But now I’m not and it’s still there, in a way its even more noticeable now I don’t have a hangover as a “reason” for feeling like shit.
I’m guessing (although cant be 100% sure yet, and wont be until I have let my brain become balanced again) that I have caused this imbalance and yes my brain just needs time to heal.
So my question is, did anyone else feel like this in the early days/years and if so, how long did it take for you to feel more consistent as far as moods and happiness goes?
Honestly I think I’d prefer just to feel somewhat “meh” as opposed to these ups and downs as long as it was consistent. I feel like Jekyll and hyde inside my own head some days.
I’m not expecting to always feel great and I know some days are just rubbish and thats part of life but its like a rollercoaster atm and it would be great to have an idea of when it will end.
Even if its years I’m cool with that, it’s the price i have to pay for living the life i was. Just tell me it evens out one day, please? 
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I’m glad you asked this question because I’ve been noticing a lot of the unexplainable differences in mood recently too.
You’re not alone!
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Oh well I’m glad it’s not just me! Sorry you’re going through it too, it sucks I never know what I’m going to wake up as each day 
I’m even considering going back on medication (low dose of sertraline) just to help balance it out but I’d really rather not if I can help it because they come with their own side effects 
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Yeah, I hear ya. I’m not to the point where I’m considering medication but I’m working on the mood thing for sure.
I’ll be interested to see what people here have to say!
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I’m on an anxiety medication for a mood stabiliser, I think it helps me somewhat…
Not to delve too much into it but could it be to do with your female hormones. I joke with the Mrs saying I get a weeks grace period over a month (week during, week before and the week after)
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Ah that’s definitely there, but its WAY worse at that time of the month, like a whole week straight of feeling anxious/hopeless then it lifts but the up and down mood thing is there all the time.
Hmmmm I might have an honest chat with my gp about this tomorrow, its affecting my life and I worry for my little girl with her having a mam who’s mood is all over the place. Of course I try and hide it from her and do my best but she knows!! Kids arent stupid they pick up on the moods of those around them more than spoken words or actions. I worry for her I dont want her living like that.
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Yes I think that’s the way to go, good luck 
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My sponsor reminded me that Rome wasnt built in a day. That it would take time for me to learn to deal with life. It’s normal for most of us.
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I’ve had these extreme mood changes as well. I’ve quit many times and each time my reaction during the first 6 weeks has been different. I did get a small dose of Welbutrin to help with my mood for the next few months being that it really helped me 5 years ago when I waa sober for 6 months. Some get PAWS really bad and this can affect much more than just your mood.
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For all of my teen years, I listened to music at uncomfortable levels. For my entire military career, my jobs involved exposure to things that go “boom”. I was aware that my hearing was declining, but it happened so slowly I barely noticed. Then I realized I’d run out of volume on the TV, maxed the volume on my phone, and had trouble understanding people speaking.
I went to a doctor, and he confirmed I had moderate hearing loss, and I received my first hearing aids. Being able to hear again at something approaching “normal” took a good deal of adjustment and at times was a bit unsettling. Everything seemed loud: birds, the wind, rain, my family, they guy cranking his beats in the car next to me…everything. At times it was quite distracting. Gradually I adjusted, and relearned how to filter and process.
Sobriety is like this, in a way. We spend years numbing our emotions, suppressing parts of being, disrupting not only our sleep, but our entire lives. Then we decide to live sober, and reality appears vivid, stark, and at times loud. We must learn to adjust, filter and process all over again.
Stick with it, and you will adjust. You will get better at getting better!
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Wow, that’s a great analogy. I’d never thought of it that way.
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@Yoda-Stevie said it so well! I will expand a bit from my experience too. I started using drugs and drinking while my body mind and spirit were still growing and young at age 15. I spent the next 40+ years ingesting a variety of chemicals and messed with my body mind and spirit more. Then, I got sober.
I was reminded fairly early on in sobriety of when I had quit smoking after 30+ years…I had NEVER since age 15 had a feeling positive or negative that I did not feel without nicotine. I had NO IDEA what feelings, emotions, life actually felt like without nicotine. I literally had no idea how to feel anything after quitting and it was scary to actually FEEL without nicotine to temper my feelings.
And so it was with alcohol as well. All those years of drinking at intense emotions. All those years of filling my cells with chemicals.
So after I got sober I realized I needed some serious time to heal my self. Not just learning to accept and feels emotions, but to allow my body to clear it self from all those chemicals…my brain, my cells. And it takes time. Plus, all those emotions I drank and drugged at…they were all still there…suppressed by the chemicals and waiting to come out. (Our feelings really do just come and go if we allow them to).
So…learning how to allow the release of emotions that had been suppressed was so important for my recovery. Movement is very helpful, writing, screaming, talk therapy and yes sometimes medications are needed to stabilize for a bit or for longer. As some people have underlying issues they never realized they were attempting to heal thru self medication.
I was so depressed and anxious for so many decades. I thought that was part of who I was. Now I know it is not. Sure I have ups downs and anxiety, as does everyone. It isn’t severe, it is just life. For others, it may be severe and that is okay too. We are all unique in our body chemistry.
This is a topic I find so interesting and informative. It has been an integral part of my recovery and changed a lot along the way thru my 4 years in sobriety. Now I am at a healthy space free and clear of alcohol in body mind and spirit. And I know and respect my feelings as they come and go.
So…yes, it is normal to be up and then down for no reason as your body mind and spirit work hard to heal. 
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Indeed. Sometimes I must remind myself that “severe” is a relative term, and looking back I can see many times where I’ve survived rough patches, and I can get through the moment I am experiencing. As the seasons pass, so will this also.
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As many have already stated it is apart of life. You just need to find how to balance it. If I woke up in a crappy mood for no reason I would journal my thought at that moment and then try to do something productive to keep myself from doing something I would regret. Then when I was feeling better and if I felt those feelings needed to be addressed I would work on it with my Therapist. I always made sure I would keep myself busy and my mind occupied with helpful things. We’ve destroyed our bodies with chemical and substances for so long that it takes sometime for everything to go back to its new normal. Are we ever really normal…lol I asked myself that a lot. Being sober has been one of my greatest accomplishments and after so long and lots of therapy I realized I needed to be easier on myself. I was doing the best I could for my situation and wether or not it was good for anyone else I didn’t care because it is my journey and no-one else’s. Please be easy on yourself you’re getting through this the best way you can. Have a blessed day 
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I firmly believe our emotions need to he expressed and those of us who supressed our emotions thru substance abuse have lots that we need to let go. Those times you feel sad, angry, off for no reason? It is an old emotion looking for release.
Let them out thru the binaural beats listening (love to listen to them at night as I fall asleep), journal, movement, tears, whatever works. 
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There’s good and bad in feeling this way. The good is you self-motivate to grow and become more than who you are today. The bad is when you can’t recognize the progress you’ve made to this point.
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Very true.
Funnily enough that’s what started the tears off earlier( sorry I’m cringing that I’m even sharing that…) I was meditating (well, to the best of my ability, I’m still not very good at it) whilst listening the biaural beats and got this image of myself when I was younger and felt so much compassion for myself, it wasnt pity (although could have been mistaken for it) just a sense of love and compassion and a kinda ‘awwww’ in the way you’d look at/feel towards a child. Then it sort of fast forwarded to where I am now.
The difference between now and then is stark and I’ve done all of it on my own, and theres more good stuff to come I’m sure.
Something else I was pondering on actually. I really let my emotions rule my life. Like what I was talking about when starting this post I wake up, feel bad and that sets the tone for the whole day. Dont get me wrong I still get stuff done, I dont retreat into bed for the day or anything but it really affects my day and it’s like a cloud hanging over me that i cant run away from.
I hear people say things like “if you want to be happy then BE happy!” “You control your emotions” but how? My emotions totally take over, I know they’re part of me and I do try to let them flow through me and not pay much attention but they really get hold and take over everything some days.
But then I guess it’s like what sassy was saying, they might be old emotions that are trying to get out so I can move forward. I became very good at bottling them up, pushing forward and just keeping going. I feel and felt pathetic for even feeling and was always trying to be strong, I’m well known for being the “strong one” and I suppose wanted to keep that status, would never ask for help etc… well it came back and bit me on the A$$ didnt it
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so I do need to ease off on the pressure… trying to make everything right and just so means I end up exhausted then I fall apart trying to be perfect 
but I feel better for it so theres that.